Coming Soon To A TV Near You

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Here’s a list of various upcoming TV programs and series, that I might watch, or am excited about, this month. Some of these will available for streaming on Amazon, Hulu, and Netflix.

For the rest of December:

 

Happy:

Starring Christopher Meloni, and Patton Oswalt, this has already aired, and I haven’t yet watched the episode. As soon as I do I’ll let you know what I think. I was kind of excited about this mostly because I’m a Christopher Meloni fan, who will watch him in just about anything, and Patton Oswalt’s not a bad comedian. This looks almost as zany as Legion, but probably less confusing, and maybe it will be funny. It’s definitely very graphic, so if you have trouble watching lots of gore, maybe take a rain-check on this one. Believe it or not, its actually based on a comic book, and does not star a superhero, so it will be interesting to see other things besides superhero shows from comics in the next couple of years.

Meloni’s character is some kind of cop, or hitman, I’m not sure which, who starts to hallucinate a tiny blue horse that is the polar opposite of his demeanor, in that its named Happy, and tries to get him to see the bright side of living.

 

Knightrfall

This has also just aired after the new episodes of Vikings. I wasn’t impressed, not because its a bad show, but because I’m not interested in this particular era of history, or this area of the world. I checked out after the anti-semitic sentiment (which was common for the time period) started to work on my nerves, a bit. So if you’re Jewish, and were planning to watch it, maybe you can skip it, and that’s okay. I can say it’s an extremely pretty show, but the dialogue needs some help. I don’t think this show is going to blow up the same way Vikings did, though.

 

7th: Psych :The Movie

I was an on again off again fan of the series, so I’m mildly excited about this, even though Tim Omundsen isn’t making an appearance, (or so I’ve been lead to believe). Tonight, we get to find out what Gus and Shawn have gotten up to since the series ended. One of the biggest draws of the show was their friendship, and I’d like to immerse myself in their silliness for a while, and I’ll let you know what happened.

 

13th: The Librarians

I’m not a fan of this show, and have never seen a single episode, which is really weird, because I’m a librarian and, I believe I’m required, by some law, to watch it. Maybe I will.

 

15th: Jean Claude Van Johnson

I saw the first episode of this and was shocked to see Phylicia Rashad in it, as Jean Claude Van Damme and Phylicia Rashad are not two names I ever associated with one another. Here, he plays a government agent whose secret identity is being the famous Jean Claude. I sort of liked it. I thought his self-deprecation was pretty funny, but the humor is uneven and  doesn’t fit well with some of the violence in the show, even if some of that violence is played for laughs. It’s worth a watch if you like Kung Fu, and comedy.The show airs on Amazon Prime.

 

18th: Gunpowder

I’m  looking forward to this, even though it airs on HBO, and I don’t have that network anymore. It’s  about the events leading up to Guy Fawkes Day in England and star Kit Harrington from Game of Thrones..

 

19th: The Indian Detective

I like the idea of this. I enjoy watching detectives of other cultures, as they attempt to solve crimes within their respective cultures, or attempt to navigate someone else’s. Also, Russell Peters is the star, and I think he’s pretty funny. This airs on Netflix, too.

 

21st: Peaky Blinders

This also airs on Netflix. I only partially watched the first couple of  seasons of this show, which stars Cillian Murphy, about a criminal gang from Birmingham England called, what else, Peaky Blinders. I’m excited for this new season which also stars Tom Hardy.

 

22nd: Bright

This is being touted as one of the most expensive original  shows on Netflix, and we know why. Will Smith costs money! I’m very excited about this because I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of Will Smith smartin’ off at strange creatures any time soon, and who can resist the mashup of Elves, Orcs, and the gangbangers of LA. This is the very definition of “Urban” Fantasy, and I’m here for it. It also has music videos.

 

25th: Dr. Who Xmas Special: Twice Upon A Time

As usual, every year there’s a Xmas special that introduces the old Doctor Who to the new Doctor Who, or to the viewers. Since the new Doctor is now a woman, I might actually watch it this year. It’s also my last chance to see Pearl Mackie and Peter Capaldi together, again. What happens is, rather than recording the show like a normal human being, I usually end up skipping it, going to bed, and then forgetting that it ever aired.Well, maybe this year I may remain awake (if the day hasn’t been too strenuous), and get to watch it this time.

 

29th: Black Mirror

I’m not a huge Black Mirror fan. I watched bits and pieces of the last season, and my attitude was “It’s okay.”, but I like the new trailer for this season, which looks fun rather than gloomy, or tragic, so I guess I’m going to be watching a lot, (and I mean, a lot), of Netflix this December.

 

31st: Dave Chappelle 

I didn’t care for Chappelle’s last show on \Netflix. I just didn’t think it was as funny as I expected it to be, but I’m glad to see he’s working again, and I’ve always been a huge fan, so I’ll check this out, instead of partying on New Year’s Eve.

 

Next Up: What’s coming in January

We have a lot to look forward to next month, not just on TV but in theaters.

Also: a list of forthcoming TV shows for the next year, and which movie remakes are in the works, or being discussed for 2018

 

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Pop Culture Talks About Race

I read an interesting article that stated, one of the reasons that the Civil Rights Movement was successful, was because of the progression of technology. Basically, the invention of portable hand held cameras, in the 50s, which allowed the media to be on the scene, up front and center, when riots, marches, or any type of civil unrest was occurring, instead of photographers who showed up after the fact.  It allowed the media to film, in real time, exactly how Black people were being treated in America by the police, and it provoked a global response. Some of the global response to such images is what helped to  promote the passing of the Civil Rights Bill. I don’t know if this is true but it was an interesting thought.

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With the invention of camera phones, and apps that record our deaths in real time, one would expect an equal progression on racial issues, along with the technology, and there is some. Certainly there’s a greater degree of awareness about how we’re treated, that media news cameras were unable, and in some cases, unwilling to capture. Now, images of Black death and brutality are everywhere in social media, but there has been no corresponding progress in empathy from White people.

In some cases, watching some of these videos, has become for some White people, little more than pain porn, or virtue signalling. In some instances, the prominence, and easily availability of such images, has had the side effect of producing a defensive White-lash from some people, who don’t want to admit that they don’t care about Black lives (or any lives but their own, really), are content with the status quo, yet are too ashamed to admit that they are callous, soulless, individuals, because they still want others to see them as “good” people.

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Black pain and degradation has always been on display. It has always made great spectacle for a certain class of people. High visibility does not mean that Black Americans have power. There are those who use the spectacles of of our brutality to try to make themselves look good to others, and those who are certainly willing to watch Black pain, can sympathize with  it, and yet, are content to do nothing but  emote about it on Facebook, because it’s not something that  directly affects them.

And then, there are those non-Black people of color who mistake attention and visibility, for power, and think we should also do the free labor of speaking out on their behalf, while never having spoken on ours.

This is from one of the more mature discussions about race I’ve seen on Tumblr. (It’s been my observation that most of the people there are too young, and lack enough nuance, to be able to hold deep discussions on the topic, but sometimes there are exceptions.)

Anonymous  asked:

People are still burning over how we got “too much attention in Charlottesville,” and I’m like, …? What people don’t realize is that attention is fruitless. Our suffering makes good clickbait, but nothing’s really being done about it unless we do it. And all that attention just gets us the envy and bitterness of other groups who insist there’s a checklist of things we not only have to fight for, but things we have to put *before* our own lives.

phoenix-ace  answered:

Exactly.

I think that part of the problem is that there is a lack of education about black people, a lot of people really don’t see us as people they’re willing to learn about. I think there is a problem with people conflating Imperialism with “American” and they take it out on minorities that are based in the U.S. because we’re an easier target. And I also think a lot of non-black people internalized that racism against us  because it is so engrained all over the world so that informs their opinions of us.  So they only  go off of the little bit they’re taught about us in school or see in the media.  I feel like they they believe that anti-black racism is something we deserve, and the point is to avoid being tread like us more than it is to stop white supremacy all together.  However, I think things go a little deeper than that.

I believe that they don’t know (or don’t care) about the way anti-black voyeurism has been an instrumental part of white supremacy in the U.S.  So they see a bunch of pictures of our dead bodies and some crying people and think “oh folks care about *them*.”  They don’t realize that people were passing around images of our lynched bodies for hundreds of years and people still didn’t care, there still weren’t consequences, no one stood up for us.  It was an acceptable part of our existence in this society.  They don’t realize that the way that they talk to us and react to us is directly affected by the idea that violence and hostility are our lot in life and the only way we can relate to people.

So they get envious because their histories are different than ours.  They forget that we live in this strange dichotomy where we are both visible and invisible at the same time.  We’re visible as targets, and invisible as victims.  We are everywhere when folks want to make ahistorical claims of oppression we “inflicted” on others but we don’t exist when they want to erase our contributions to their communities or when they want to appropriate our history to a more “deserving” minority group.  People will spread pictures of dead black children but won’t show up to support us when we want justice, worse, they’ll argue how we deserved to be victimized.  They want us loud and visible to fight battles, but refuse to give us the credit (only the blame if the activism isn’t perfect or something goes wrong). They want us to know everything about their cultures but they don’t know a thing about us beyond what racist media tells them.

Heck, the only time I’ve seen people really focus on black people is when they want to tell us we’re doing something wrong or leaving someone out.  I’ve never seen non-black people focus on black people in a way that has helped us.  People who have never overtly supported black people a day in their life have this misconception of our privilege and obligations, because they honestly don’t relate to us as suffering *people* with priorities as much as they see us as a social justice customer service line they can call and rant at.  Case in point: Look at how many people will talk about how *others feel* but will never examine how we feel or what we’re facing.

But its not just their fault: They weren’t property so they don’t get how our race gets us attention because we were primary targets, not because people wanted to help us.  Black skin was equated with whatever negative qualities they could project on to us to justify our enslavement.   When we were enslaved, our race meant that anyone who was black could be kidnapped and sold into slavery even if they were free.  We were criminalized by laws just for being black and not working for the same people who owned us after slavery was made “illegal” after the Civil War.  We’ve always had “attention”. We could never “assimilate”.  We had to be visible to survive, because the moment we were silent they could destroy all of us and the world wouldn’t bat an eye.  We had a precarious existence here, and a lot of people don’t realize that because they were never in our position.  They might have been oppressed in other ways, but they were never *property*.  The U.S. didn’t base the countries prosperity on their enslavement so they don’t get how visibility works here.

They don’t realize that our visibility has never been a privilege, because they experience racism in different ways than we do, and that they don’t have to act hostile towards us, and erase our history just to bring visibility to other people.

tl;dr: I think that people let their anti-black bias inform how they relate to us, but I also feel like they don’t understand that visibility doesn’t work as a privilege for us like it might for others who have a different history here in the U.S.  A lack of education is definitely to blame and they need to take the initiative to practice what they preach when it comes to solidarity (and intersectionality) and learn how our visibility informs our reality as black people in the U.S. and that needs to be a central part of anti-racism discourse.

Source:
And I’m warning you now, the charge will be lead by  young White women, who lack knowledge of intersectional politics, or a nuanced understanding of feminism, who are  pretending to be progressive, and concerned. You can argue with them if you want to, but remember, the Block button is always available, when the bullshit gets out of hand. When you feel your mind start to unravel from the nonsense, don’t argue. Just block!
The “White Feminist” bullshit has already  started regarding Valkyrie from Thor Ragnarok. I apologise in advance for subjecting your eyeballs  to the following  argument. (Feel free to check out at any point after the second paragraph, cuz its a shitshow of several isms.) This topic was already addressed by Stitch’s Media Mix (on her blog,) so I’ll follow her lead, and not link to the author’s name, but here is the original post and some of the other responses:
I finally realized what bothered me so much about about Thor: Ragnarok. Well, aside for all Thor’s characterization that went out the window in favour of him being a blumbering idiot who has no idea how to respectfully speak to a woman. Or the poor language choices, but I hope that was a problem with the Italian adaptation and Thor didn’t actually speak like a dumb teenager.

Anyway, my problem was with Valkyrie, more specifically with the fact she’s male coded. Heavily so.

Let me explain: there is this war veteran, who is drunk in the very first scene, whose fight buddy, who was supposedly its female love interest, died in the last war and said veteran became a rogue, violent drunkard lost in an empty life polar opposite to the past of gretness and honour of before, a past said fighter doesn’t want to be reminded of.

How many male characters are there in cinematography with this same, boring, pathethic story?

The only difference between them and Valkyrie is that she has a female body. But only that, her body, because nothing in her behaviour, gestures, way of speech or anything at all shows the slightest hint of female feelings or qualities. Loki is more feminine than she is (which is arguably intended by both writing and acting, but that’s another matter).  Gosh, even Thor has feminine bits and pieces!

My point is, Valkyrie’s character was written exactly like a “tragic male character”, then they took a female actress for the role because they realized they didn’t have enough female speaking characters (read: none other than Hela) to pass the Bechedel test. Spoiler alert! They still don’t.

 

theravennest

 This whole post is pretty anti-Black, specifically anti-Black women.

I’m gonna need you to examine why you felt like Valkyrie, a Black woman, was “too masculine” and lacked femininity to the point of seeming more masculine than both Loki and Thor.

Valkyrie was so wonderfully female in pretty much everything she did, I just can’t with this.

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steverogersorbust

Look, the Bechdel test needs to stop being invoked as the end-all be-all marker of well-written female interaction. Not that Thor gets off the hook for this, because no two female characters ever really interact with substance (though it’s notable that the two female characters who did interactTopaz and Val—are women of color) but that’s not really your point, OP, is it?

So back to Valkyrie being a male character in a female body, I….yikes. So much wrong with this statement. Reading Valkyrie as heavily male-coded means we’re assuming that women can’t have alcohol dependencies, that they can’t be powerful and flawed, that tragedy and fear and trauma as a result of war are sole domains of men, that women can’t or shouldn’t have the same complicated and flawed existences as many male characters do. Do we need a woman onscreen to, idk, nurture someone or reference her inferior upper body strength in order to be classified “feminine”? Did we need her to make a boob joke like Bruce did for Nat in AoU? Did we need her to use her ~wiles~ to trick someone or be a sexpot? I think you’re ascribing to a very binary understanding of gender qualities, and perpetuating some harmful stereotypes with this idea…after all, Valkyries are referenced by Thor as an elite force of female warriors—that they’re women is a significant factor. She is a Valkyrie. She is a woman. She gets a moment where we see her brush her hand over the Grandmaster’s cheek and he blushes in satisfaction. We see Thor try and preen for her as a show of attraction. We see Bruce call her “so beautiful.” We see her femininity in other people’s reactions to her, and that’s enough. Everything else is gravy because the story doesn’t need or doesn’t rely on any tired tropes of femininity to move forward.

 

scottmccute

 No matter what black women do y’all racists will always see us as “too masculine” lmao. And you vision of what is or is not “feminine” seems pretty sexist op. Not to mention, since when are tragic soldier backstories only meant for men? It’s actually refreshing that for once, a woman gets the “turns rogue after being traumatized by the war and the fact that she’s the only survivor of her faction, but eventually joins the hero to fight the villain” storyline.

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 *Valkyrie  sounds very like the character Jessica Jones, who is also  a flawed, complex woman, who has been through  severe trauma, and copes by drinking. Jessica  is  also stronger than most men, is unsympathetic to other people’s emotions (too busy dealing with her own), doesn’t act in a traditionally feminine manner, and yet, not once did I ever hear her being called “unfeminine” or “male-coded”. In fact, she was lauded as the epitome  of feminism by White women fans. (I personally can’t stand the character but I get why she’s important to others.)
Then there’s Charlize Theron’s Atomic Blonde, and Fury Road’s Furiosa, all hailed as feminist highpoints in cinema. Not once did I find any essays declaring that Charlize Theron lacks femininity, or that her story was too masculine coded. So, in light of the reception of Theron to the ranks of movie action heroines, it will be interesting to see what White female fans will think of the Dora Milaje, Taraji P Henson’s character, Proud Mary, which will be released in January, and Deadpool II’s Domino character, played by Zazie  Beetz.
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Never mind that plenty of Black girls and women will look up to Valkyrie, played by a Black  woman (of Cuban descent), that  they’re arguing has no use, because her character doesn’t fit their standard of White European femininity, (which is an utterly ridiculous admonishment, because her character is an alien from another planet. What the hell does masculine coded even mean in that context?)

One of the primary reasons, (among many), that that critique is so horribly wrong, is because it falls right in line with the Masculine Black woman stereotype, (which, ironically, seems to be something that both Black men, and White men and  women, can all get together to agree on). This is an insult that has followed any Black women who White people perceive as  even the slightest bit threatening, from Venus Williams (my idol) to Michelle Obama. Woven into the accusations of being too masculine are threads of transphobia, and misogyny, as well as racism.

Excerpt from:    https://blavity.com/how-serena-williams-and-viola-davis-taught-me-to-be-an-unapologetic-black-woman

“The type of body-shaming in Tarpishchev’s comment, while subtle, comes gift-wrapped in a triad from hell: misogyny, racism and transphobia. By referring to the Williams sisters as “brothers,” Tarpishchev resurrected the tired notion that black women are unattractive because we are more “masculine” than other women and are “indistinguishable” from men. These types of jokes are used to say that black women aren’t “real women,” that there’s something just not right about our bodies, not feminine enough, too muscular, too “scary” and that we’re worth less because of it. Look at radio host Sid Rosenberg, who called Serena an “animal.” Imagine how many black women are internalizing these messages. There’s little difference between Tarpishchev’s words and the transphobic slur the late Joan Rivers used to slam First Lady Michelle Obama, calling her a “tr*nny.” Both use black women and trans people as the butt of a body-policing joke.

*(While searching for articles on the topic above, I had to scroll through all manner of racist garbage, that so pissed me off… well, basically, do NOT do that shit, if you value having low blood pressure.)

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https://www.salon.com/2017/08/25/despite-declarations-to-the-contrary-black-people-watch-game-of-thrones/

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The Black Person’s Guide to Game of Thrones

My response is a little off topic, but I wanted to address the two twitter hashtags for Game of Thrones referenced in this post. You have to check them out. They are hilarious, and totally from a Black American perspective.

I initially resisted watching the show. I just wasn’t interested, which is weird because yeah, I am a geek, and required, by some type of natural law, to automatically like such shows. I only started watching it at the behest of, ironically, a White girl-friend from work. It wasn’t until after I started regularly watching the show, that I discovered there was this huge Black component of the fandom, who really, really loved this show! And I only found that out because I was looking for reviews by Black critics and stumbled across one by accident.

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Other people  would be puzzled by Black fans love of the show, but I’m not. GoT is kinda like a White mashup of Scandal and Empire, with ice zombies, and dragons. Now if we could only transport Cookie Lyons to that world, she would have things whipped into shape, by the end of the season. (Cookie is more terrifying than any dragon!)

 Why Is Society Intent on Erasing Black People in Fantasy and Sci-fi’s Imaginary Worlds?

Over the weekend I binge-watched 3%, a dystopian sci-fi Netflix original set in Brazil. The plot was rife with quirks and unexpected turns, but the biggest surprise of all was that the diversity in the show reflected the diversity in Brazil. The cast featured myriad shades and races, absent the stereotypical casting, such as the confinement of black and brown actors and actresses to supporting characters with botched, surface-level backstories.
*And oh yeah, according to actual  Historians, the term “Historical Accuracy” can no longer be used as an excuse for not adding Black and Brown people to fantasy narratives. It’s  past time to retire that fucking term! If your mind can wrap around orcs, dragons, elves and ice zombies, then you should have absolutely no problem dealing with the idea that PoC also exist in a fantasy world.

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*I always love reading about Black people’s excitement for this movie. I have often referred to the release date of this movie as “The Ascension”, so you can see I have already lost my everlovin-mind about this movie.

…Come Feb. 16, 2018, black people across the African Diaspora will pack the theaters with our ceiling-touching geles, our brightly colored dashikis, and our sharpest black-and-white attire, and lose our collective black minds.

All for the purpose of celebrating the blackity blackness that will be the premiere of Black Panther.

 http://www.theroot.com/wakanda-forever-on-the-importance-of-black-panther-1820459283

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If You’re a Black Woman Who’s Tired of White People Touching Your Hair, There’s a Game for That

* I just finished playing this, and it’s a helluva lot of fun. (Its also hilarious.) It’s a very simple game, that requires you to “throw some hands”, to protect whatever updo you’ve chosen, from a selection of hairstyles, while you travel to diferent parts ofthe world. You can choose your skin tone, a hairstyle, and the area of the world you’re attempting to travel to, while dodging pale hands that are trying to invade your personal space. You lose energy if the hands make contact for too long. The sheer level of “Bitch, please!”, on that woman’s face, is priceless, (although I suspect this is an expression that most people, of any color, wear at the airport.)
There’s a link at the end of the article:
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 And from the irrepressible Terry Crews:
 https://youtu.be/2jNFymV3J-M
There are still some people who want to victim blame this man for what he’s been through, saying he should’ve hit the man, or hurt him, somehow. People like that are not taking into account that Terry’s situation isn’t any different from the situation of the White women who have been assaulted. He was powerless at the time it happened, and his wife was ready for it. Many blessings upon her for being the level headed woman she is. Sometimes “keepin’ it real” isn’t the smartest response to a situation.
Some of the less smart among us don’t understand that not everything in the world can be solved by hitting someone, and Terry would only have destroyed himself, and his career, by responding with a suckerpunch, and his assailant knew that. In fact, as a Black woman, his wife would probably be intimately familiar with such a dynamic. 
Terry is no dumb jock. He clearly states why the optics of race also come into play. A large Black man, hitting a small, (but powerful) White man, who just assaulted him, would not look good in the media. He would’ve lost everything.
For those questioning why he chose now to come out about his assault, he addresses that in the interview, as well.

10 More Scary Short Films

Here are ten more very short horror films to watch for Halloween. I had to watch a lot of really boring, and in some cases really bad movies to pick these ten gems. There are a bunch of these all over Youtube, so I just sorted through, picking my favorites. Some of these are genuinely scary, and others… not so much:

Close Before Midnight

I’m still not sure what to think of this one. Is it funny or just terrifying? Is it both?

 

 

The Moonlight Man

The main character is none too bright, but this was actually pretty scary.

 

The Other Lily

This one actually scared the bejeebus out of me because I had no idea where it was headed, and the animation is appropriately frightening.

 

 

The Hambuster

You’re gonna fall on the floor laughing at this one, and then probably throw up. Its disgusting!

 

 

Horror Short Film

This was genuinely scary.

 

 

Who’s Hungry?

This one is cute, disgusting, and funny. I had no idea where it was really going  either. (Warning for children being eaten by a giant.)

 

 

I Heard That Too

I first heard of this in a two line short story which was really creepy. This movie is just as effective.

 

Dead Friends

This one was funny, sweet, and disgusting. Skip it if you don’t want to see accidental animal mutilation.

 

 

Killer Kart

This one is almost as ridiculous as the movie, “Rubber”, and if you haven’t seen that one, it’s hilariously surreal, and you should check it out. This is gory, so I warred between feeling disgusted, and laughing my ass off, two feelings which are not necessarily compatible:

 

Nightfall

I thought I’d end on a funny note. This one just tickled the hell out of me. I totally identified with the little girl in this film.

Weekend Link Roundup

Here’s some interesting reading from around the web, for the weekend. Some of the articles are older, but no less relevant:

 

Asian Erasure

*From Firefly and Star Wars, and from Bladerunner to The Matrix. What do these movies have in common? They’re all about the future, and they all have a certain Asian aesthetic. Unfortunately they also have no Asians in them. Hollywood loves seeing an Asian future, as long as there are no actual Asian people in that future. The Chinese population is some 1.3 billion people.  People classifying themselves as White make up only 11% of the world’s population and are set to be even less than that in the future as their population continues to decline, yet, there’s no evidence of that in any of the most popular movies about the future.

https://boingboing.net/2017/10/11/cyberpunks-asian-representat.html

https://moviepilot.com/p/what-is-cyberpunks-obsession-asian-imagery/4379249

https://www.avclub.com/read-this-why-does-cyberpunk-keep-making-asian-cities-1819366143

http://www.slashfilm.com/blade-runner-2049-asian-culture/

https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/mb7yqx/cyberpunk-cities-fetishize-asian-culture-but-have-no-asians-blade-runner

 

Hollywood’s “Little” Problem

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https://www.thedailybeast.com/hollywoods-other-open-secret-besides-harvey-weinstein-preying-on-young-boys?via=newsletter&source=Entertainment

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/corey-feldman-elijah-wood-hollywood-897403

https://www.thedailybeast.com/elijah-wood-calls-out-hollywoods-pedophile-problem

 

Toxic Masculinity in Pop Culture

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http://www.vulture.com/2017/04/nice-guys-in-movies-arent-nice-anymore.html

https://www.themarysue.com/toxic-masculinity-in-jessica-jones-kilgrave-as-a-nice-guy-and-will-simpson-as-misogynistic-hero/

https://www.themarysue.com/wolverine-toxic-masculinity/

https://www.bitchmedia.org/article/how-fargo-captures-sad-realities-toxic-masculinity

http://www.ebony.com/news-views/toxic-masculinity#axzz4w4vfOIGI

https://www.thecut.com/2017/10/this-isnt-toxic-masculinity-its-sociopathic-baby-men.html

 

Neo Yokio Review

 

  1. Lord help the poor souls for whom Neo Yokio is their first introduction to anime — and let that same Lord (whatever benevolent nerd deity presides over these sorts of things) bless the brave souls who watched this inane attempt at entertainment knowing that so much greater anime exists in the world.

    Neo Yokio, a Netflix original series created by Vampire Weekend’s Ezra Koenig and starring the vocal talents of Jaden Smith, Jude Law, Susan Sarandon, Jason Schwartzman, and Steve Buscemi, among many others, takes place in a futuristic New York City that’s underwater south of 14th Street. In this version of New York, which is randomly and inexplicably peppered with elements of Japanese culture, one’s social standing — showcased on the all-knowing “Bachelor Board” in Times Square — is of the utmost importance, and those with old money look down upon the “magistocrats,” demon-slaying members of the elite who have worked their way up, through exorcisms and social engagements, into the class of nouveau riche (aka “Neo Riche” ::queue eyeroll::).

    Our hero (a term I’ll use with the same degree of irony that Neo Yokio overuses to no end) is Kaz Kaan, a young magistocrat who spends his time exorcising some demons but even more time complaining about his social status, shopping, and bemoaning his relationship status to his friends and mecha British butler, Charles. And what’s the plot, you may ask — a fitting question, but one for which Neo Yokio has no answer. The show literally follows Kaz as he mopes around, goes on errands, and tries to figure out how to become the most eligible bachelor in Neo Yokio. If there’s a reason why we should care about Kaz’s problems, it’s unclear. After all, with its fixation on brand names, fashion, and the superficial minutiae of Kaz’s upper-class life, Neo Yokio presents itself solely as a satire of classism and commercialism in our culture, right? Maybe.

    That’s just the problem — it’s unclear. For all its posturing about class, Neo Yokio never actually commits itself to saying anything about it. We see the characters bask in their privilege and throw around their money carelessly but the only instance of real contrast is when we see how Kaz treats Charles and the few characters he briefly encounters in the service industry (including the sales clerk at Bergdorf’s, whom he only refers to as “sales clerk”) with utter disregard. The characters — and the show in general — exist in a kind of vacuum, making it impossible to determine whether the show is taking itself seriously or not at all — and if it’s satirizing a group of people or an idea, who or what exactly that is. None of the characters are written with any depth and none of them reveal the show’s true aim. Sure, fashion blogger Helena St. Tessero awakens to the superficiality of Neo Yokio and initially seems like she’ll be the lens through which we may see the satirized world (think the smart, incisive gaze of Daria, who reveals the stupidity of those around her), but she too is exaggerated to the point of no return (read: is turned into a terrorist-recluse), leaving us with equally fatuous celebrations and dismissals of this upper-class life.

     

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Writing With Color

 

*Here’s some basic writing advice, for writing just about any marginalized group, (and eve nsome very common, not so marginalized groups) so you don’t come off looking like a racist twat! Now this is not to say you can do none of these things. Some of them can be done without offense, if you have a damn good reason for doing it. Some of the others…not so much.

 

Common Micro-aggressions: African Americans and/or
Black People

Anonymous said: What are some common micro-aggressions that a black american will regularly have to deal with?

Behold this masterpost of common micro-aggressions towards African Americans and/or people in the African Diaspora, several of which may be applicable to other PoC. Micro-aggressions can be perpetuated by White people as well as fellow Black people and People of Color.

This is just to give a thorough understanding of some of the things a Black person (often in America) deals with. Don’t run forward and jam-pack your Black character with every one of these experiences, though I can say I’ve personally experienced every one of these or know someone who has.

General Micro-aggressions

  • People excusing blackface.
  • Having our grammar and annunciation corrected.
  • “I don’t see you as a Black person/ I don’t see colour.”
  • Calling Black people ghetto, thugs, rachet, sassy, urban…
  • People debating why they should be allowed to say the n-word.
  • Then saying the n-word anyway.
  • Whispering, spitting, or stumbling over the word “Black” as if it’s a curse.
  • Refusing to pronounce your name right, or just calling you by a different name that’s easier.
  • Alternatively, “jokingly” calling you a “ghetto” name.
  • Constantly mixing up unrelated and not even resembling Black people, because you know.. ‘Black people all look the same’.
  • Dismissing our experiences as “just overreacting,” defending the wronging party, or using our plight to talk about one’s own experience (e.g. “well as a gay man i’ve got it rough…”).
  • Telling racist jokes and calling you sensitive when you don’t find it funny.
  • “______  is the new civil rights movement!” Black folks are still fighting for their rights so…

Media

  • Fox news (xD)
  • Caricatured depictions of Black people on TV.
  • Casting calls for Black people only tailored for “race roles.”
  • Media treating white criminals and killers better than Black victims (see these headlines).

Stereotypes

  • Assuming you only listen to rap/hip-hop/r&b.
  • Assuming you love chicken, Kool-aid, and/or smoke weed.
  • Assuming you’re good at sports.
  • Assuming there’s no father in the picture in Black families.
  • Assuming all Black people (see: young girls) have children.
  • Calling Black people who don’t conform to one’s image of Blackness, “less black,” acting white or “oreo.”

AAVE

  • Non-Black People mimicking/imitating AAVE.
  • People falling into AAVE when talking to Black People.
  • “Why don’t Black people speak real English instead of ‘ebonics’?”

Insults/doubting intelligence:

  • You’re so articulate!”
  • You take advanced classes?!”
  • “How did she get into that [prestigious school and/or program]?”
  • “They only got x because they’re Black/Affirmative action.”
  • Assuming a Black person (usually male) attends college because of a sports scholarship.
  • Counselors discouraging Black students to take prestigious coursework, assuming it’s too difficult for them.

 Respectability politics:

  • “You’re a credit to your race.”
  • “I’m glad you’re not like those other Black people. You’re not ghetto or listen to that rap stuff..”
  • Tone policing: dismissing someone’s reaction/argument/etc. because they are too “emotional.” Thinking that we need to be calm in order to be taken seriously.
  • Pitting African immigrants against African Americans, especially those coming to America for education, aka “Good Blacks.”

Beauty Standards and Dating

Fetishization/Othering

  • People asking you what you are or where you’re really from.
  • Referring to Black people or our features as “exotic.”
  • Referring to Black people’s skin as chocolate or other foods.

Black Women/Misogynoir

  • Saying Black women are ”strong, independent and don’t need no man.“
  • Calling Black women ”sassy“ or angry if she shows passion/emotion.
  • Referring to white and non-black women as “girls” and “women” while calling Black women “Females.”
  • [White] males who apply courtesy to white women (holding doors, giving up seat) but don’t apply the same to Black women.
  • Referring to Black women on government assistance as “welfare queens” (While ignoring that white people get more government assistance than Black people in the USA).
  • “Black women All woman are beautiful.” (StopThatPlease.)

Hair.

  • People touching/petting your hair without consent.
  • “So is that your real hair? Are those extensions?”
  • Calling natural black hair unprofessional.
  • White people appropriating Black hair styles (dreads, twists, etc) and being praised as edgy, while it’s “ghetto, unprofessional, and unclean” on our own heads.

Poverty Assumptions:

  • “Do you live in the ghetto?”
  • “Can you afford that?”
  • “Here are the value prices of this product…”

Racial Profiling + Criminalization:

  • Crossing the street to avoid passing Black men/people.
  • Following in stores, assuming Black people are stealing.
  • Moving aside when we pass, clutching purse, locking doors.
  • Asking Black people for I.D. when paying with card (while white people are not asked).
  • Being pulled over + arrested at astonishingly higher rates than white people.

For a fuller understanding of micro aggressions and the effects it has on individuals overtime, please see this: “These incidents may appear small…”

~Mods: Colette and Alice

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Stereotyping Tropes List (TVTropes)

A masterpost of the Stereotyping Tropes from TVtropes.org. This list is identical to the one linked above, save the addition of Indigenous peoples, which was added. Check for the titles with links, as it leads to more pages of tropes. 
For an assortment of other related tropes, some not mentioned here, see “Race Tropes” as well as “Prejudice Tropes.” Advice on handling characters that lean towards harmful portrayals can be found in the tropes & stereotypes tags at writingwithcolor.


General

Africans

African Americans/Black

Americans

Arabs

Asians

Australians

Brits

Canadians

Chinese

Dutch

Eastern Europeans

Europeans

French

Germans

Indians

Indigenous

Irish

Israel

Italians

Japanese

Jewish

Latin Americans

Nordic Countries

Russians

Scots

Spaniards

 

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*Okay, I had to put this up. This is, hands down, the funniest story I read on the internet all week, and this is next to The 15 Blackest Things About The New Black Panther Trailer , that I posted earlier.

Now while you’re reading this, continue to picture giant koi bloop blooping in a pond. They have no idea they’re the partial cause of all the chaos. They just wanna get fed.

I’m like,”Guys, ain’t nobody thinkin’ about y’all right now!”

The Great Flamingo Uprising

(Edited after additional information was obtained from zookeeping cousin)

I told this story to a few guildies a while back and decided to archive it in a longer format; so here is the story of The Great Flamingo Uprising of 2010 as told to me by my favorite cousin who was a keeper at the time.

In addition to the aviary/jungle exhibit, our zoo has several species of birds that pretty much have the run of the place.  They started with a small flock of flamingos and some free-range peacocks that I’m almost certain came from my old piano teacher’s farm.  She preferred them to chickens.  At some point in time they also acquired a pair of white swans (“hellbirds”) and some ornamental asian duckies to decorate the pond next to the picnic area.  Pigeons, crows, assorted ducks and a large number of opportunistic Canada geese moved in on their own.

Now; the ponds that dot the zoo property (I don’t remember how many there are but the one by the picnic area is the only one with swans) were also full of ginormous koi fish, some of whom by now are at least three feet long.  Sensing an opportunity to cash in on the koi, the zoo put up little vending machines all over the place that dispense handfuls of food pellets.  I swear to god the fish can hear the crank turning, and will show up at the nearest railing, blooping expectantly at whoever happens to be standing there and doing their best to appear starving and desperate.

Like this.^  And they weren’t the only ones who learned to associate the sound with the imminent arrival of food.  The Canada geese knew a good deal when they saw one, and had long since ceased to migrate anyway.  They formed roving gangs of thug-geese and staked out their turf around the vending machines, ready to mug anyone with pocket change.  Picture yourself as a small child squaring off with a bird as big as you are fully prepared to strip search you while standing on your feet and yelling “HWAAAAAKK!!” in your face.  It’s deeply traumatizing to you and incredibly hilarious to your parents.

Anyway.

The flamingos had their spot near the zoo entrance and never seemed to mind the presence of the other birds, as they kept themselves to themselves and didn’t really like the taste of fish pellets.  The problem lay in that their shrimp pond was close to a vending machine.  Ordinarily that wouldn’t have been an issue at all, but eventually the goose population grew large enough that one of the gangs decided to annex it.  Being territorial little shits, they would harass the poor flamingos any time they strayed within ten feet of it.  The flamingos tolerated this for years until one day they snapped collectively.  Here’s a summary of the incident in chronological order.

1.) It was a hot day, so everyone in question both human and avian, were cranky by the time the zoo even opened.
2.) A few flamingos (let’s call them The Jets) strayed into the radius of the vending machine and were immediately confronted by the indignant hissing geese (The Sharks)
3.) Possibly due to heat and the simple fact that the geese had been giant douchebags for far too long, the flamingos decided fuck it, this time they were going to FIGHT BACK DAMMIT, and swarmed the geese en masse.
4.) Chaos ensued.  The geese were outnumbered 4 to 1 but had the advantage of being able to scream for back-up.
5.) Hearing the shrieking Canada geese and the bellowing of the enraged flamingos, the peacocks came to the conclusion that the apocalypse had come upon them and began to gather in the surrounding trees in droves and wail in despair.  Or cheer them on, whichever.
6.) NOISE
7.) Apparently one of the siege tactics employed by geese is to shit explosively all over everything.
8.) The geese, having secured reinforcements from all over the zoo, went berserk and proceeded to attack EVERYBODY who had come to watch be they human or otherwise.
9.) The flamingos were chasing/being chased by the geese through the crowd accompanied by cheers/wails from the peacocks in the box seats.
10.) Complete pandemonium when the zoo tram became stalled by the flamingo pond due to battling birds.  The Jets, sensing these were somehow reinforcements on the side of the Sharks, charged the tram.  Adults were doing the duck and cover.  Small children were screaming, adding to the noise.  People were slipping on goose shit and hitting the ground in the fetal position, only to be stampeded by the rampaging flamingos.
11.) The koi continued to bloop hopefully for food.
12.) Two of the geese were cornered by a rival gang of their own and were chased into the swan pond.  Cue slow-motion.
13.) The swans detected an enemy presence in their territory and by god, SOMEBODY was going to PAY.
14.) The staff were having no luck in breaking up the fight and on the verge of giving up and just building another zoo elsewhere when the hellbirds stormed the battlefield, trumpeting battle-cries, to dispense feathered justice.  The staff promptly dropped their brooms and fled.
15.) Birds scattered in all directions.  Up, down, sideways.  Some people not present in the park circle swear a couple of geese flat out teleported into the petting zoo. A few ducks vanished in the chaos, presumably eaten by the swans.
16.) Two of the zookeepers barricaded themselves in the snack bar and refused to come out.
17.) The uprising was squashed in less than two minutes.  Number of casualties was unknown, feathers were flying everywhere and there was enough goose shit to build another bird.  One staff member had been knocked to the ground and was left with a melon sized bruise courtesy of one of the hellbirds.  Several children were traumatized, probably for life.  The zoo eventually removed the vending machine by the flamingos.

The geese went back to being giant douchebags. Because geese*.

Addendum:  Somehow, my aunt D got hold of this story and posted a link along with the comment: “This sounds exactly like our zoo!”
Zookeeping cousin replied: “This was exactly our zoo.”

*I’m really not kidding.  This is a photo, taken at our zoo, of a gorilla being chased by one of the thug geese.

 

*Yeah, the hellbirds came in and broke that whole shit up in two minutes!

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*I’m in agreement with this, really. It would make for some very intersting names:

I think we should make Puritan naming customs cool again, but like, updated to reflect Millenial values. So we can have names like Resistance Jones, Self-Care Williams, and I-Am-Not-Throwing-Away-My-Shot Anderson.

  • I-Will-Face-God-and-Walk-Backwards-Into-Hell Watson
  • Hydrate Mather
  • Healthcare-Is-A-Right-Not-A-Privilege Bradford
  • Body Positivity Watts
  • WTF-the-Fuck Preston
  • Cinnamon Roll Milton
  • Y’all-Need-Jesus Henderson
  • Snape-Was-Not-a-Hero Whitaker
  • Battery Life Wiggins
  • Reblog-If-You-Agree Bolton
  • @Horse_ebooks Humphrey
  • Renewable Moore
  • I-Came-Out-to-Have-a-Good-Time-and-I’m-Honestly-Feeling-So-Attacked-Right-Now Rutherford
  • Representation Hopkins
  • Organic Hurst
  • Money Cat Wallington
  • Fuck-It Wentworth
  • Impeachment Shepard
  • Don’t-Forget-To-Like-And-Subscribe Simpson
  • Consent Pimple
  • I-Bless-the-Rains-Down-in-Africa Woodford
  • Green Hoyle
  • Social Anxiety Travers
  • Kinkshame-Not Bailey

 

Tomorrow: A rare weekend posting. I finished the first part of my Bladerunner review.

Ten Scary Short Horror Movies

Well, it’s almost Halloween and so naturally, as it does every other day of the year, my mind turns toward scary movies. I can’t out a whole movie on here but I can share with you some of my favorite short films. I like monsters, so most of these have monsters. I like comedies, so some of them are funny and there’s a couple of these that scared the living shit outta m
This movie infuriated me, especially after I realized what was actually happening:

Don’t Move

 

 

You guys know I’m not a  fan of spiders, so I was reluctant to watch this one, but it just so happens it has a surprisingly funny ending:

Itsy Bitsy Spiders

 

 

I saw this one last year, and it stuck in my mind for a whole year, but I’d forgotten where I’d seen it, and the title. It took me some time to find it again, and it’s still scary:

Ghost Story

 

 

Yeah, this one is very, very, creepy:

Mimic

 

 

Yeah, this one is creepy but hilarious, and I think I remember this song from my childhood.

The Cat Came Back

 

 

This is a little longer than the others but it’s worth the wait and it’s  funny.

Waiting

 

 

This one isn’t particularly scary but it has zombies in it and I thought it was deeply cute:

Less Than Human

 

 

Here’s a slightly different haunted house story:

Vienna Waits For You

 

 

This isn’t what it seems:

Midnight Snack

 

 

Okay, this is the one that made me actually scream  out loud:

The Thing In The Apartment

 

Hope you enjoyed these. I’ll have some more on Halloween!

 

 

 

 

Last Week Tonite On Tumblr

Generally happy stuff to start off your week, especially if you haven’t heard some things yet:

Movie News

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The first official trailer for Pacific Rim is LIT!!! Hollywood is killing it with the music for these trailers, but I do have to remind them that just because a movie has Black people in it doesn’t mean you need to put rap music in the trailer. Some of us recognize different musical styles, although I realize that the soundtrack can go a long way towards getting a certain type of Black guy into the theater, (namely that no account Pooky from down the street.)

I love that we get to hear Boyega’s natural accent again in an action film. I’m definitely taking my niece to see this because she loved Mako Mori in the first movie, and John Boyega was her first movie boyfriend. This movie also heavily reminds me of The Power Rangers, only for grownups, because its more violent. (I’m pretty sure there’s also lots more of the cussing.)

Boyega stars as Jake Pentacost, the son of the late Stacker, who gets called into Jaeger service, from his underworld criminal lifestyle ,by his adopted sister, Mako.

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I’m really looking forward to the reboot of The Predator franchise because it has a long history of racial progressiveness. The first movie featured the first time team up of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Carl Weathers, and I guess the makes realized they had a good thing going, because the second film starred Danny Glover ,as the hero of the movie, and Maria Conchita Alonso, who gets to live to the end of the movie. The third movie, Alien Vs Predator starred Sanaa Lathan, a Black woman as the hero of that movie and it’s one of my favorite Predator films, naturally. 

It’s interesting that as many tropes about race have been created in the horror genre, it’s also been a genre that’s been very progressive in its treatment of women, and characters of color, allowing them to be heroes and heroines, allowing them to be the stars, and sometime save the day, or the Earth. But this version of Predator appears to be more mainstream and there’s always tropes in mainstream movies.

Its as if mainstream movies know no other language beyond the visual shorthand of stereotypes (or maybe mainstream writers are just a bunch of lazy fucks who are unwilling to think outside the box). Namely The Black Guy Dies First Trope, and The Smurfette Syndrome.

Mainstream movies simply don’t have  track record for subverting tropes that the Horror genre does, and I’ve noticed, the more mainstream a horror movie  franchise becomes, the less likely it is to star a PoC, or have the woman be the primary character. This isn’t a hard and fast rule, just a trend I noticed.

I do blame the original Nights of the Living Dead for this. Something of George Romero’s liberal sensibilities in the making of that movie (and casting a Black man as the lead), has made its way into the genre.

Also, I just love Keegan Michael Key and want to see him defeat a Predator.

Keegan-Michael Key Joining Shane Black’s ‘The Predator’ (Exclusive)

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/predator-keegan-michael-key-joins-shane-blacks-reboot-961207

Director Shane Black has shared a look at his team of alien hunters.

Soon, the hunt will begin... again.

 

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I thought this was a really interesting article about casting more than one Black person per movie. Now if we can get to the point where we can cast more than one gay person per film, or one woman per action  movie, or hey! let’s get all wild and shit and put two, count ’em! TWO, women of color in one mainstream movie, and let them interact with each other. 

I know, it’s crazy right?!!!

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Chadwick Boseman And Sterling K. Brown Remember When There Could Only Be One Black Actor In A Movie

“The opportunities are not so scarce. And that’s an important moment to note.”

https://www.buzzfeed.com/jarettwieselman/chadwick-boseman-and-sterling-k-brown-remember-when-there?utm_term=.jfaWKG0qQ#.wavvWkD5R

Chadwick Boseman and Sterling K. Brown in Marshall.

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Here is the official trailer for the live action version of Tokyo Ghoul. I’ve heard that Hollywood is planning an all out assault on Manga with live action movies of some very famous books. My stomach dropped as soon as I heard that because nobody, and I mean NOBODY, is asking for Americanized versions of Full Metal Alchemist and Akira. ( I swear to Gob, if Akira does not star Osric Chau, I’m gonna personally send J J Abrams a strongly worded letter suggesting that he go fuck himself!) Now these movies have not been cast yet, but hopefully, they learned their fucking lesson from the handful of whitewashed flops in the past few years. 

Yes, it looks almost as terrifying as the anime!

Note to Hollywood:

Please, stop removing Asian people from the stories they created, and cast them as the main protagonists!!!!!

People who are fans of these stories are well used to seeing Asian faces, and some of us have a pretty large pantheon of Asian, and Asian American actors they enjoy watching. We do not read anime, or read Manga, so that we can see White people. If we wanted to see White people in Asian influenced media, we’d just watch your whitewashed dreck!

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This is why Osric Chau needs to be in any live action version of Akira. Here he is  in a (kind of) fan made trailer of The Akira Project. This is AWESOME!!!!

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The Twitter and Tumblr response to this article had me cackling the whole week. I mean, how do you reach a point in your emotional development, where you have had your ass beat by this person 18 times, and you still out here signing checks your ass can’t cash, even when you cheat.

Maria Sharapova’s Rivalry With Serena Williams Is In Her Head

Sharapova’s new memoir suggests that she still can’t seem to accept the reality that her whiteness is not enough to compensate for her own failings.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/bimadewunmi/maria-sharapovas-rivalry-with-serena-williams-is-in-her-head?utm_term=.jpMJEzJvw#.mjQPrOPmB

She’s not good enough at tennis to have a rivalry with Serena. You have to be able to sometimes be able to beat someone for it to be a rivalry as opposed to a regularly scheduled ass whoopin’.
It’s never a rivalry if you’ve only beaten someone two times and they’ve beaten you 18 times in a row and badly Serena has decimated this woman for a decade-plus there is no rivalry it’s only Domination by Serena, Maria knows that but pride mixed with delusion is a motherfucker

that’s like me having a rivalry with bill gates lmao

 

I have a rivalry with Beyoncé

 

It’s like I had a rivalry with god by throwing rocks at the sky.

 sauvamente

Sharap it’s over needs to put the meth pipe down and face reality. She’s shit and a cheat. Retire.

 pinkcheesegreenghost

Even illegal, performance enhancing drugs wasn’t enough to keep her from losing 18 times

 stayingwoke

18-2. That’s 90%. I don’t even have a 90% win rate in closing a car door all the way.

 

my-friends-call-me-lol

I have a rivalry with the sky, nothing can be higher than me.

 btheadventurer

Serena don’t give a fuck bout her. She’s literally has beef with her imagination.

 

 

 

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*Okay , here’s some commentary on why dystopian apocalypse wardrobes always seem to consist of bondage and fetish gear. Personally I blame Mad Max for starting that trend, but this person has another theory on this very important issue:

why does so much post apocalypse media have people wearing straight up bdsm/fetish gear like. do the kinksters watch the world ending and think “oh boy i can wear my bondage gear in public now”

 

What I wanna know is why the spiky kink warriors are always the bad evil marauders. They might be into some weird shit and unafraid to show it but that doesn’t mean they want to go around killing dudes. They’re a tight-knit bunch. A lot of them are queer. They understand the importance of community.

If the government collapses and all laws come to an end, the people rampaging around killing and looting are gonna be like, frat boys and 4chan rejects. You can mistrust the bondage raiders all you like but they’re definitely the ones you’re going to run to for help when the neoliberal blood cultists and Nazi meme demons lay siege to your survivor enclave. There’s gonna be gayboy berserkers busting up slaver gangs and burning down warboy frat houses. The assless-chaps leather daddies and weird petplay people are gonna be the accidental peacekeepers of the post-apocalyptic world just because they’re the only motherfuckers who understand the importance of consent anymore.

Listen. Don’t come to me asking how to get the secret cadre of bisexual death commandos to protect your wretched tent village if you’re scared that we might call in the kinksters for backup. I don’t give a shit if they dress up like dogs and spend all day writing poems about butt plugs. There’s assholes out there acting like Vlad the Impaler on a meth bender and you’re afraid of seeing a nipple. Fuck you. If you really want to get rid of the MRA death gangs you’re going to have to accept that a lesbian chainsaw dominatrix or two might be involved. It’s the fucking post-apocalypse my guy we gotta weigh our priorities here

 

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I love these Gothic Fables :

Black Diaspora Gothic

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your mother tells you to go find something for her. it’s not there. when she goes looking for it, it reappears, just where she said it was.

this woman is your auntie. that man is your uncle. you have too many aunties and uncles to remember. you haven’t seen them, but they all have seen you. you know, when you were no bigger than THIS?

 

You start to notice that your mom actually does look like one of your little friends. Too much. More and more each day.

You do have ____ money, but you don’t know where it is coming from. It’s just that every time you put your hand in your pocket you have just the right money you need.

 

You buy a tin of brand new cookies. When you open it there are only sewing supplies. Tin after tin there are only sewing supplies. You continuously have cookie money, but there are no more cookies.

 

you are walking down the street. you spot your favorite cousin and wave in greeting. but wait – she has a friend with her. the friend is also your cousin. he smiles. you have never seen this man in your life. it’s fine. family is family.he waves at someone behind you. it’s your cousin. your cousin waves. the legion of cousins waves
as a child, the sizzle of a hot comb or the burn of a relaxer has desensitized yet traumatized you. you tell yourself there’s food at the house just when you think about heading down to wendy’s. there’s always food at the house
  1. nightshadepaladin the-afro-argonaut

    you take the chicken out of the freezer.your mother calls. did you take the chicken out of the freezer? of course you did – but the counter is bare. you take the chicken out of the freezer.did you take the chicken out of the freezer? of course you did. you do a double-take. there is no chicken. there is no freezer.<i>did you take the chicken out of the freezer?

    You think you might be suffering from amnesia … You could have sworn you just took the chicken out of the freezer but each time you go back to check on it thawing you find it right back in the ice box. Maybe you just imagined taking it out. But this feels like the third or fourth time.. Also, hasn’t the clock read 4:15 each time you remember coming in to take it out? Just 45 minutes before mom is due home. Theres nooo way it’s going to thaw in that amount of time…

    butpersephoneitsspring

    you open a tub of ice cream and find rice. you open another, and find chicken; you open yet a third, and find stew. was there ever ice cream in the house? does ice cream exist at all? you don’t know.

    aphonicgod

    that girl? she your 5th cousin twice removed. both your parents got 5+ siblings and those siblings each have 3-5 kids. your great grandparents had 15+ kids and 10+ siblings. that random guy who says hi to you is actually your 3rd cousin his name is Jackson. say hi.

    Your mom’s always asking you if you think she looks like Booboo The Fool. You’ve never met this person, but you instinctively know that the answer should be no. One day your mom looks a little different. Is it her, or is it Booboo?

    Your mother tells you not to play in your nice clothes. After school you come home and take off your nice clothes and replace them with your play clothes.While out playing with some friends you fall into some mud. You look down and you’re still in your nice clothes. Not the other ones your switched into.In the distance you hear the distinct snap of a switch being made.

     

    lkeke35 

    You remember there’s food at the house just before you decide to go to Wendy’s. There’s always food at the house. The food is always freshly made and hot, and although there’s a huge variety to choose from, it’s always the same dishes. Cornbread, yams, potatoes, fried chicken, biscuits, green beans, a variety of side dishes but only ever one kind of meat: chicken.You’ve never seen anyone cooking in this house. You know the people in it have full time jobs, but the food is always ready no matter the time of day…or night.

    You are not The One. Your mother is not The One.No one knows The One.But everyone knows The One is somewhere.Everyone knows The One is waiting. And if someone finds The One…Pray no one ever does.

    isisnicole 

    You are told to fix your face or it will be fixed for you. My face is a part of your face so are you fixing your face also? You fix your face does my face get fixed at the same time?

    stsathyre intheindigo

    There’s just a little clap of thunder, not even full applause. Turn off the TV. Turn off the lights. Don’t touch the phone. Stay out of the tub. Whatever you were watching will never be seen or heard from again.

    You go outside to play, but you can’t come back in, because you smell like outside. You smell like an abandoned baby bird. Not her baby bird. How does one smell like inside again? Somehow you get dinner.

    Your mother had a dream. She calls every family member living or dead.

    fantasticallyvicious sauvamente

    grandma says “stop runnin in and out of my house.” grandma says “close the door you lettin all the cool air out.”every time you open one door, a different but similar grandma waits, demanding that you close the next portal to their worlds.

    spookiest-star iridessence

    You hear your mom call your name from another room. You respond only to be met with silence. You immediately get up and start running to find your mom, knowing she expects you in front of her ASAP. The silence is deafening. You hear your name called again, this time with a sharper tone. You’re not sure where the voice is coming from but you run around, only finding empty rooms. Again, your name is called with the ferocity of nails on a chalkboard and you panic. Your mother’s voice carries…

     stonecoldfemme

    You open the Danish cookie tin and find sewing supplies. Your trust has been broken. You have never seen the tins in the store, and when you finally do, you are afraid to look inside. Who are these people that create sewing tins with cookies on them?

    karnythia cypheroftyr

    There was a party. You made yourself a plate to take home. It was not enough food. It is never enough food. Even though you cooked too, the ribs made by someone you don’t know are the best you have ever had.

     karnythia

    the women have been doing your hair since you could sit up. the hands in your head are both familiar and new at the same time. each touch is a memory handed down from women for generations. out of the corner of your eye you see your mother’s mother’s mother’s behind you. stay still. don’t cry. tenderheadedness is a fault. you must suffer to be respectable, black girl child, the hot comb smells of seared ear skin.

     

     angelsscream

    Your fave Auntie makes the best potato salad. She is designated potato salad maker by the family. You get to the cookout, your fave Auntie couldn’t come and your not fave auntie made the potato salad.

     boolyphyll

    Your mother tells you to take the chicken out of the freezer before she gets home. You take out the chicken. You take out more chicken. The chicken never ends, the freezer is full of chicken, and only chicken. She gets home, everything you brought up and put on the counter is not the chicken. She is furious.

    psammoma 

    Your mother tells you to do the dishes. The sink is empty, the dishwasher is empty. You search the house for dishes. You own no dishes. You don’t remember owning any dishes. What are dishes? Who are they? Your mother screams at you to do the dishes. “What dishes?” You cry. “ALL THESE RIGHT HERE!” She screams, pointing at the sink. The dishwasher. The counters. There are no dishes. But you do the dishes.

     

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The X-Men

I’ve been reading the X-Men comics since the 80s and I can fully attest that this is generally true. This really is what most of the plots were in the 80s and 90s. I stopped reading the books in the late 90s, but I imagine this is still true:

A Complete Listing of All The Plots of the X-Men Comic Books

– vampires vs xmen
– god damn it where is [insert xmen]
– youre a better leader. no youre a better leader. no youre a better leader. no youre a b…
– someone dies
– someone comes back to life
– THE XMEN GO TO SPACE
– magneto is in the yard and wont leave

 

– Time for the annual kidnapping (either Mags and Charlie or Sabretooth and Logan, occasionally others)
– House blowing up builds character
– Put that thing back where it came from or so help me

 

-i came back from the future because you need to stop

-your best friend turns out to be mystique

-hey look some new x kids, time to ignore the ones we already had for the rest of *checks watch* forever

-the x men are DISBANDED!!!!!

-alternate universe babies

-your best friend turns out to be a clone/xorn/psychic projection

 

-well i guess it was Mr. Sinister all along

-fuck the Summers family

-no seriously fuck the Summers family

-i quit the x-men but normal life sucks

-just like the last time but i guess kind of grittier

-fuck the Summers family… IN SPACE

-wellp i guess Charles faked his own death again

-goddamnit Hank don’t put that there

 

– who the fuck is possessed this time

– the villain is in love with storm but who can blame them

– goddammit give me my body back you’re using it WRONG

– somehow we’ve ended up in a fetish club, let’s just go with it

– we’re revamping the uniforms again! deal with it logan

– our powers are gone! now they’re back! now i’ve got someone else’s!

– who wants more trauma? too late, you’re getting it

– the phoenix force is tired

 

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Introverts

Seriously, this speaks to me for some reason:

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Disability

*As a person with one of those unpredictable disabilities, where I have good days and bad days, I just found this post hilarious. Yes, I have wanted to say these things to able-bodied people:

you ever realize how able bodied people just are not expected to do things that cause them excruciating physical pain? like they’re just. not

if i shouldn’t use my cane because i can sometimes technically walk without it, it would just hurt like a motherfucker then abled people should no longer be allowed to use potholders to take things out of the oven because i mean

well they could technically pick up a hot pan with their bare hands. it would just hurt like a motherfucker

 

*sees an abled person using potholders*

i just think it’s really sad that you’re giving up on yourself like that

 

*abled person rests the day after they sprained an ankle*

‘oh come on you can’t just lie in bed. it won’t get better if you don’t run around! get up and help me!’

*abled person uses protective eyewear when handling dangerous chemicals*

‘sweetie why would you limit yourself like that.’

*abled person wears shoes*

‘some people are MUCH WORSE OFF THAN YOU and they don’t wear stupid things like shoes! stop pretending that it hurts to tread on broken glass’

 

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*The Defenders

Really, I actually liked The Defenders, but this post is an incredibly accurate description of each of these character’s approaches to problems:

The Defenders: How Shall We Get to the Boardroom?

Danny “White Privilege” Rand: Shows up in a suit, gets escorted in by security.

Luke “Harlem’s Hero” Cage: Busting in like the Kool-Aid Man

Matthew “Vigilantism as an addiction metaphor” Murdock:unnecessary staircase parkour with a scarf on his face

*Jessica Goddamn Jones: Takes the fucking elevator like a normal-ass person, what is wrong with you people.

Interesting Tumblr Posts

Here, have some trailers:
*I did enjoy The Punisher parts of Daredevil’s second season, so I was interested when it was announced that he’d be receiving his own show. This looks worth a watch. Hopefully the show will be coherent and consistent.
*I have never been a Tomb Raider fan. I’ve always thought of her as just a sexier version of Indiana Jones, and I’m not a particular fan of him either, although I’ve watched all the films. I don’t hate either of them. I’m largely indifferent to them, so fan would be a strong word.  I didn’t play the games, or watch the movies.
This looks interesting because it doesn’t actually appear to be about tomb raiding, but about putting something back in a tomb, and it also stars Daniel Wu, from Into the Badlands as the seeming voice of reason.

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* I love Galaxy Quest, and this person is right. I do just sort of lump this show in with the  rest of Star Trek. Its such a faithful parody of the original source material that ‘s not mean or demeaning to it, and its genuinely funny, too. Of course Guy is a big reason for that. He says exactly the kind of shit we’d say if we were in these situations:
I love the way that Star Trek fans just accept that Galaxy Quest is part of the film franchise.

Galaxy Quest is what i imagine people would be like if star trek suddenly became real tomorrow.

Galaxy Quest was voted the 7th best Star Trek movie out of 13

 

“Intelligence is knowing that Galaxy Quest is not a Star Trek movie.
Wisdom is knowing Galaxy Quest is the best Star Trek movie.”

And I think that says a lot about the Star Trek fandom, really.

 

Source:

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*I love these posts on Fantasy armor for female characters. Often the armor is just the dumbest, most ludicrous looking shit one could possibly imagine. Most of it is just metal lingerie, and in some cases just metal pasties. I mean, nobody’s fucking shoulders, or knees, needs that much protection. I often want to inform the creators that a) women’s boobs just don’t work like that, b) those need protection too, because they’re a delicate part of a woman’s anatomy, and if something hits them, they hurt like a muthafucka,  and c) what the fuck!!!

Another thing I hate when men draw women, in any kind of uniform, is what I like to call boob-socks. Just special pockets on an outfit that are specially fitted for a woman’s boobs. This is especially prevalent in comic books.

If you want to see more of this type of critique visit Bikini Armor Battle Damage’s website, where they also discuss media that gets women’s armor right.

brb shaking my head forever

 

Time to bring this back, with a few examples proving that this parody is NOT a gross over-exaggeration of actual stuff we see in pop media:

 

The Boobplate

[x] [x] [x]

The ‘Boobplate+’ (A.K.A. boob window): 

[x] [x] [x]

The ‘What’s the Fucking Point’

[x] [x] [x]

It truly is impossible to properly satirize female sexualization. How do you even ridicule pure ridiculousness?

And that’s without even touching “warrior woman” costumes that bear no pretense of resembling armor of any kind.

~Ozzie

Source:

*This is something rarely discussed in fandom. How older characters of color are desexualized and “mammified” in fandom narratives, and sometimes made to seem older than they actually are, to keep from having to ship them with their White faves of the same age range. So older White male characters get the sexy older man treatment, but never with the nearest man of color who is anywhere close to their age. As for shipping them with a younger man of color, you can forget about it. At least some of this has to do with White women’s fetish for older men, just not if they happen to be Black.

I think its interesting that Coulson is being shipped with a woman of color, though. Although that could have something to do with the idea that fandom likes to think of Daisy as White, rather than half Chinese as the actress herself identifies. I find it interesting because one of the easiest relationships to ship in the CW is Stein and Jax, but I just don’t see it in the numbers.

For the record, I totally shipped Rupert Giles with Joyce Summers, and Rupert Giles with Ethan Rayne, when I watched Buffy. Later, I liked to ship him with Spike, but found shipping him with Xander or Willow kinda icky. When it comes to Shadowhunters, I love the combo of Luke Garroway and Magnus Bane, though.

Racialized ageism and fandom

The age of the white male character is never the problem for shipping in fandoms. The age of the white actor is never the stopping point for him being viewed as “sexy” and “desirable”. The white guys in their 60s are seen as “hot” and “shipworthy”. The age gap between the older white guy and the character he’s shipped with at the moment is never the issue.

Look all over the fandoms: Clark Gregg (62), Peter Capaldi (59), Norman Reedus (48), Colin Firth (57), Rory McCann (48)… etc. etc. are in their late 40s – early 60s. Yet their characters are seen as sexually desirable and worthy of shipping not only with the characters, who are within their own age frame, but also with much younger characters:

Fandoms are not caging these older white male characters within the frames of a “desexualized parental figure” trope. In fact, “an older white guy x younger [usually also white] character” is a hugely popular shipping trope.

Yet, things differ drastically when the male character isn’t white (or seen as white – eg. Wentworth Miller’s Captain Cold), especially when the male character is dark-skinned. These male characters of color, who are over their 40s, are almost always invisible for fandom shipping.

For example – Joe West from The Flash. Jesse L. Martin is 48. He’s the same age as Norman Reedus, Rory McCann, he’s about a decade younger than Clark Gregg, Peter Capaldi or Colin Firth. And yet, he’s mostly seen as an “unshippable parental figure”.

Samuel L. Jackson has prominent roles in numerous popular franchises, that have big presence in fandoms with rich shipping content – Star Wars, MCU, Kingsman… Yet, his characters are always left out of the shipping pool in these fandoms – Mace Windu is ignored; Nick Fury is seen as the “dad” figure of the avengers; and Valentine is seen as nothing more than a funny villain, even though, fandoms do love white male villains. SLJ was 51 when Mace Windu first appeared on screen, he was in his early 60s when the MCU franchise started out, SLJ is only few years older than Clark Gregg.

Or take Stacker Pentecost from Pacific Rim, played by Idris Elba. Idris Elba. Idris was 41 when PR came out. And yet, the fandom had collectively decided that the only ship suitable for a “parental figure” like Stacker is Herc Hansen. Max Martini is two years older than Idris, and yet:

Worth noting that the incest father/son ship with Hansens is more popular than Hercules Hansen/Stacker Pentecost, which only has 288 works in total. Raleigh had more on-screen connection with Stacker than he had with Herc; Chuck and Stacker died together while trying to save the world. Together in Death is a hugely popular shipping trope all across fandoms, for example Enjolras/Grantaire from Les Misérables had 3 seconds of total screen time together in the movie, and they have ~9k of fics on AO3 alone…

Another one is Luke Garroway from the Shadowhunters, played by Isaiah Mustafa (43). Have you seen Isaiah? Yeah, I know. And yet, he is also seen almost as some “grandpa” figure of the group. Often people use his age as an excuse of excluding him from most fanon activities involving the main group of characters – shipping, group fanvids, group edits etc. The only ships involving Luke that are accepted and supported by the fandom are with Jocelyn and Maryse. And I often see people in tags saying that any other ships with Luke are “creepy” and “uncomfortable” because he’s the “dad” of the group. I agree about the creepy factor with, say Clary and Simon… but others? – Not so much.

And, yeah, I would’ve agreed with this fandom “activism” if it wasn’t so hypocritical. Remember Rupert Giles from BTVS? Who also was the “father figure” of the Scooby Gang? Anthony Head was 43 at the start of the show and 49 when it ended. And yet, I don’t remember BTVS fandom excluding Giles at every turn because of his age:

Compare to Luke’s ships:

Speaking of Shadowhunters, people also often try to put Magnus in the same “father figure” frames – anti-Malec (J@lecs, Cl@lecs etc.) people, who ship Alec with everything white that moves, always try to insinuate that Magnus is borderline a pedophile because he’s dating Alec. Regularly I see posts in Magnus’ tags saying that shipping Magnus with Clary, Jace, Simon or Maia is “creepy” because he’s basically their “dad”. Magnus is not their dad and (so far) never considered himself to be their parental figure. I guess he did say something like that about Clary in the books, but the show had an AU storyline in 1×10, where Magnus first met Clary in that episode, and didn’t have any kind of connection to her prior. AU!Jace even thought that Clary was cheating on him with AU!Magnus. So, even with Clary there are canon possibilities of avoiding the “unhealthy” factor for the ship within fanon.

After all, I don’t see the Torcwood fandom acting as if Jack Harkness (an immortal who lived through ages and generations) is some unshippable “dad” figure, who can’t be shipped with other members of the team. I haven’t seen people there saying that Jack is a “creep” for dating Ianto (just for the record: the age gap between John and Gareth is 14 years vs. 5 years between Matt and Harry).

I’m not suggesting that people need to start shipping Luke or Magnus with the younger characters, what I am saying is that, had Luke and Magnus been portrayed by white actors, people wouldn’t have been putting them in the frames of “parental figures” of the group as much. And yeah, I love the dad!Luke and dad!Magnus headcanons as much as the next person, but let’s also be honest that we’re not living in a vacuum, the race can’t be taken out of the equation.

These are just a few examples, but this is happening all across fandoms. And not just with MoC – take Shirley Bennett from Community. Yvette Nicole Brown is of the same age as is Joel McHale – they’re both 45 now and were in their late 30s when the show first aired. And yet, both the show and the fandom treated Shirley as if she was some “grandma” and Chevy Chase’ peer (who was in his late 60s back then).

 

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*I haven’t been watching this Fear the Walking Dead ,despite its diversity of characters, because one Walking Dead show is enough for me, but I liked this particular meta.

‘Fear the Walking Dead: Passage’ Did What No Thriller Could: Empower Two Lead WoC

As some of you may know by now, I am a fan of The Walking Dead. Unpopular opinion, but I think Fear the Walking Dead is one of the greatest things to come from it (I can hear the gasps already). I can’t stress it enough, but unlike TWD, its racial inclusiveness was something that had me hooked and reeled from the very beginning. My wishes were fulfilled when FTWD premiered because for the first time, I was able to look at a popular franchise with a Native lead and Latinx main characters. It’s partially one of the reasons I’m surprised when advocates for diversity prefer the original. Other characters of color were introduced, but I still felt something was missing—what I really wanted was a Black girl. As I mentioned before, when I began to realize the absence of black women in certain genres I wanted them everywhere as a challenge for writers, especially with all the sacrificial negresses going around. At this point, we were into the second season and I still hadn’t seen one, so I promised to remain patient until it did. Finally, Fear the Walking Dead: Passage happened.

If you’d like to watch Passage, a 13 minute web series before reading, click here.

Keep reading

 

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*Okay, I’m definitely going to be watching The Exorcist show in October. I left off watching it because it wasn’t holding my attention as tightly as I wanted. But I like John Cho, and he is right in that its highly unusual to see an Asian American character in this type of venue. I’ve watched a lot of Asian horror movies, so why are they absent absent from American horror movies, and shows.

 

The Exorcist: How John Cho is changing American horror

[John Cho will] do whatever he can to help the push for Asian-American representation. It’s one reason he joined the second season of The Exorcist… “I had not seen Asian faces in American horror, and it kind of tickled me to want to change that visual vocabulary a bit,” he says. “I thought it would be, I don’t know, intrusive to have my face in it…”

“What I’ve been thinking about lately is how to tell stories that are specifically Asian-American but aren’t necessarily about being Asian-American as much,” he explains. “I’m looking at the totality of things.”(x)

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*I find Haka fascinating and terrifying, but I think that’s the point.. I would watch these all day. I’m glad Maori culture is getting some international recognition through these different sports groups, too. Even Beyonce got one when she visited new Zealand, which just made my heart hurt, I was so proud. 

https://youtu.be/xI6TRTBZUMM

2nd 1st Farewell Their Fallen Comrades With A Huge Haka

Haka is used throughout New Zealand by many, not only Māori, to demonstrate their collective thoughts. There is a haka for each of the Services, as well as the Defence Force. Units with the NZ Army have their own haka. This video shows the soldiers of 2/1 RNZIR Battalion performing their Unit haka, powerfully acknowledging the lives and feats of their fallen comrades as they come onto the Unit’s parade ground. It is also an emotive farewell for they will leave via the waharoa (the carved entrance way) for the very last time.

Haka –sometimes termed a posture dance could also be described as a chant with actions. There are various forms of haka; some with weapons some without, some have set actions others may be ‘free style.’ Haka is used by Māori (indigenous people of New Zealand) for a myriad of reasons; to challenge or express defiance or contempt, to demonstrate approval or appreciation, to encourage or to discourage, to acknowledge feats and achievements, to welcome, to farewell, as an expression of pride, happiness or sorrow. There is almost no inappropriate occasion for haka; it is an outward display of inner thoughts and emotions. Within the context of an occasion it is abundantly clear which emotion is being expressed.

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*I was always under the impression that women couldn’t do the Haka, or that they had their own special ones or something. But watching this gave me life:

Women’s Haka

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*Its officially Latinx/Hispanic Celebration Month and I came across this post on Latina in Superhero shows. There are a lot more than this is the SciFi genre but I think this is just for superheroes:

Latinx Heritage Month

↪ Characters in DC Shows’ Main Cast

✪ Lynda Carter as Diana Prince / Wonder Woman (Wonder Woman S1-3) 

✪ Angélica Celaya as Zed Martin (Constantine S1)

✪ Victoria Cartagena as Renee Montoya (Gotham S1) 

✪ Zabryna Guevara as Sarah Essen (Gotham S1-2) 

✪ Aimee Garcia as Ella Lopez (Lucifer S2-)

Honorable Mention – Recurring Characters:

– Michelle Veintimilla & Camila Perez as Bridgit Pike / Firefly (Gotham S2-3)
– Briana Venskus as Agent Vasquez (Supergirl S1-2)
– Jessica Camacho as Cindy Reynolds (The Flash S3)
– Odette Annable as Samantha March / Reign (Supergirl S3)

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*Yes, this clown vs. mime discussion has been sorely needed. People keep confusing the two, and really, mimes are just waaay, waay creepier than clowns, imo.

Okay, I’ve had it

I see people posting videos of clown-mime and clown-jester hybrids and cooing about how “pretty” and “cool” they are, but this is NOT HEALTHY OR SAFE CLOWN HUSBANDRY! In fact, it’s downright dangerous for both you and your clown!

Clowns, Mimes and Jesters may be related, yes, but their genetics are quite different and mixing their genes together have an adverse effect on your clown when they come at odds with one another, causing a host of genetic health problems like giganticism, heart problems, higher rates of cancer, organ failure, bone degradation and neurological defects.

They’re also more aggressive, territorial, unfriendly and destructive than non clown hybrids. You’re super cool clown x mime hybrid is gonna more satisfied with attacking you than making invisible balloon animals.

Not to mention the process of making a clown hybrid in the first place, considering that Clowns, Mimes and Jesters are natural enemies of each other! Your clowns/mimes/jesters are more likely to maul each other than fuck each other!

 

People only breed clown hybrids because they are seen as “cool” and “exotic” and cost a lot of money, they’re a status symbol with unique patterns, and the clowns suffer for it.

If you still have your heart set on a clown-hybrid, there are actually some breeds out there, like the Venetian Diamondcheek Juggler and the Parish Mockfool, that are bred specifically for their mime and jesteresque markings and are perfectly healthy, perfectly happy clowns.

Clowns shouldn’t suffer for human aestheticism.

Source:
 *So October is almost here, and I will be forgoing my little pop culture essays to concentrate on reviews, reviews, and more reviews. Halloween is coming and I have a list of movies I want to review, like The Mist, and Let the Right One In vs. it’s American counterpart. Its also the real start of pilot season, so I’m going to be busy with a few of those, and I want to round that out with a series of posts/reviews of Hannibal the series.
Yes, I did watch the first two episodes of Star Trek Discovery and I’ll let you know what I think by the end of the week. I know a lot of you guys either don’t have cable, or don’t want to sign up for a streaming channel just to watch one show, but I’m a die-hard Star Trek fan who  managed to sit through the mess that was Enterprise. I don’t know if I’ll keep paying for it. The show would have to be very, very compelling (which it was) to get me to keep paying to see it, at basically 5.99 per episode.

ETA: I just unsubscribed to CBS. I can always wait for the release of the dvd.

Laughs For Your Weekend

 

Well, this was a nice photo to greet me on my Tumblr dash. The first shot of Misty Knight with her new Prosthetic arm. Now its not the golden one from the comic books (maybe we’ll see that one later?), but I can see these shows leading to another teamup called Daughters of the Dragon, which stars Misty and Colleen Wing, or even a version of Heroes for Hire.

I still don’t like the idea of a relationship between Danny Rand and Misty, which is what happened in the comic books, but these shows have been changed enough from canon, that that may never come to pass onscreen (and the two of them are no longer together in the comic books, as of a couple years ago.)

This is a scene from season two of Luke Cage, which I’m really looking forward to. It’s unclear if Misty is still a detective, but she’s still hanging with the heroes. I do still  prefer her bouffant from The Defenders, though.

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*Like we need drugged up dolphins. They’re bad enough sober…

did u kno dolphins puff puff pass:

 

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You have to read the entire thread this came from. I can guarantee, after you read it, you will never again watch this video without thinking about it. NSFW!!! This whole damn thread, including the comments will have you crying at your job.

The Brrrrddott part had me in tears!

 

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*Welp!

Hey people who know astrology shit. I’ve been having a lot of feelings lately. Any planets I can blame that on.

 

 

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*I think this pretty much sums up the entirety of this blog!

reblogged from

me: man i love this series
me: here’s a 40-page annotated essay on everything i hate about it. every misstep i believe the creators have ever made, complete with citations and a signed drawing of me punching the installment i hate the most in the face
me: still love it tho

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*This squirrel discourse is truly what Tumblr is all about!

 

like u ever seen some squirrels fightin in a tree and then one of them will chase the other out of it and keep the fight going in another tree like damn b you won YOU WON MY NIGGA CHILL

 

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*Shit, I would smack Taylor Swift, Kim Kardashian, and Kendall Jenner,  for just 8 dollars, 35 cents, and the entertainment factor…

Plenty of others seem to agree.

I would do it for free tbh

*I would pay $5 to slap the shit out of her

 

I’d smack her for a hershey cookies n cream bar

 

I’d slap her for free and collect the money regardless tbh

 

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*This man is speaking my life…

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*I love Black people…!

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*This post would not be complete without some Iron Fist/Danny Rand shade…

allmisfittoyswelcomehere asked:

Danny rand is a Chihuahua: 50% unnecessary anger and 50% shaking

 

*I miss SNL, sometimes. This had me laughing so hard, I needed some aspirin…

 

“Do I get stress headaches at work? Yes, definitely. From the moment I get in, it’s “Denise we need this! Denise we need that!” Which is stressful… ‘cause my name is Linda. Denise is the other black woman that works here.

By 10am, someone in the copy room makes a joke about Kobe Bryant, and everyone looks at me to make sure it’s ok. And I smile like it’s ok. But really, my head and neck are starting to throb.

Then I spend the rest of my afternoon training my interns, and answering their questions, like, “Yes, black people use shampoo”, and, “No, I don’t know any good reggae clubs around here”, and, “Yes, Condoleezza Rice is very articulate, why do you sound so surprised?” And, “No, I can’t tell you where to buy weed!” And that’s when I reach for Excedrin.”

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*Okay, I also propose we just start doing this to every White person that does this thing…

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*Yeah, I asked myself these questions, too. Who gon’ turn down Malala, The Nobel Peace Prize winning teenager?

Okay of course I’m happy that Malala got accepted to Oxford, but I really want to know more!

What did she write for her personal essay- “Just google me bitches”?

Did she have to do an interview and if so did she just plonk her nobel peace prize down on the table?

Did her student counselor advise her to apply to other crappier places just in case she wasn’t accepted?

Was there anyone who actually turned down freaking Malala Yousafzai, I need to know!!

 

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*Here, have some funny photos. Feel free to caption any or all of them

 

 

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10 Worst 80’s Videos

There were a lot of really dumb videos in the 80s, and I watched plenty of them. There wasn’t a whole lot else to do on hose long nights of babysitting because there wasn’t any internet. There was however plenty of cable, and MTV

1. Safety Dance – Men Without Hats

Of all the dumb videos released in that era, this is one of the absolute dumbest. Our opinions may vary on which video should be in the number one slot but I think we can all agree, that this particular one is deeply stupid, with images completely unrelated to the song, horrible acting and lip syncing, and even the song sucked. I think Safety Dance qualifies on all criteria  of stupid.

 

2. Rock Me Amadeus – Falco

The song is stupid, but at least kind of fun. The video is equally asinine, but also kind of fun. This makes number two, on the list, because this artist was a total one hit wonder and I kinda like the remixes. I never saw, or heard from this singer again, after this song completely took over the airwaves for one whole-ass Summer.

3. Rock Me Tonight – Billy Squier

Oh, boy! This video is bad, bad, bad. I mean laughably bad. You may not be able to sit through this, because I had to stop and catch my breath, about halfway through it. I’ve never been a Billy Squier fan, but this song isnt really all that bad, nevertheless, I’m glad I didn’t have to subject myself to this video beyond the first time I saw it, and this week. I make these big, mental, sacrifices, so I can bring you the quality entertainment, y’all are asking for…

 

4. 99 Luft Balloons – Nena

I just realized this heading looks like “Luft balloons for 4.99”, which  makes just about as much sense as this song. But at least balloons are in the video, I guess. No, it makes no sense,and is basically a bad concert video. Its also  possible it’s some type of German thing that doesn’t translate well to English, so it kinda gets a pass, but not too much, because I still hate it. I know it must be puzzling to millennials, the types of videos and songs, we were willing to sit through, in the 80s.

 

5. All Cried Out – Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam

I am one of those people who’s a sucker for a sad song, and the reason this is so far down on this list is because I actually like this one. The reason it’s on the list  is because the video is just as trite and maudlin as you could imagine, with all of the emotions carefully displayed for the viewer. I think the only thing the director left out was the singer pointing at the viewer, and then herself.

 

6. Wild Boys – Duran Duran

I am total trash for this Duran Duran, (and The Police), and I liked some of the other videos they made, like Rio, and Hungry Like the Wolf, but this one is both ugly and stupid. The song is alright, but whoever made this video needed to stop watching those Mad Max movies. Now that I think about it, every post-apocalyptic anything after Mad Max, was basically riffing off that movie.

 

7.Eye of the Tiger – Survivor

You may remember this as Dean Winchester’s favorite song, the one we saw him lip syncing to, at the end of the episode Yellow Fever. That particular scene is about a million times better than this video. I actually like this song, and love to sing it in my car especially, but  I just can’t, with this video.

 

 

8. Total Eclipse of the Heart – Bonnie Tyler

I got no problem with the song, but this video is both creepy and stupid, and  is the fulfillment of every 80s music video (and movie) cliche ever invented. Creepy singing kids ? Check! Wind blowing everything? Check! Gauzy nightgowns?Check!  Running through the dark  in a gauzy, windblown, nightgown? Check! Whatever you do, do not listen to this song first thing in the morning, because it’s totally extra.

 

9. Come on Eileen  – Dexy’s Midnight Runners

This song was recently featured in an episode of Preacher, where both Tulip and Cassidy both admitedt that this song is deeply stupid. They are not wrong. I actually like the song, but this makes the list, because yeah, the song is stupid, and I hate the band name, and there is waay too much use of overalls in this video.

 

10. Cherry Pie – Warrant

Oh boy! I hate everything about this song, the video, the band, the lyrics…all of it. It’s a nasty, dumb video, and song, made by nasty, dumb men.

 

New TV Trailers (Fall 2017)

So Pilot reviewing season is here in a month, and its time for me to nimble up my fingers, as I type furiously to keep up with all the new genre shows coming this Fall. Some of them will not be watched, some of them won’t even get reviews. As we get closer to September, I’ll eventually whittle it down to the handful of pilots I’ll be reviewing, along with my regular reviews of returning shows, like Supernatural. 

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Midnight Texas

Tonight on July 24th Midnight Texas will be airing on NBC. It’s a show based on the Charlaine Harris trilogy of the same name and involves Supernatural creatures all living in some podunk town in the middle of nowhere Texas, who need to protect themselves from outside discovery. I’m looking forward to watching this.

 

 

Mr. Mercedes

This is coming to the DirecTV Network, called Audience, this fall. Some of you may not have access to this network, so I’ll watch the pilot and review the first episode, for when it eventually makes it to DVD. This is based on a Mystery trilogy by Stephen King, about a former detective who gets called back into action after a serial killer starts sending him taunting letters.  I don’t normally watch cop shows, but this is Stephen King. Yes, it does look a lot like the show Bates Motel, which I only partially watched, but I like Brendan Gleason, and feel like he’s a good choice for this character. In the novel, he has a Black teenage neighbor who helps him navigate technological stuff , and a neurodivergent  female assistant, that I hope gets cast for true. You do not need to have read the books to follow the show, but they are very good books, with a minimum of gore, and only the slightest touch of the supernatural, if that has you worried.

 

 

Star Trek Discovery

Okay here’s, the extended trailer for the new Star Trek Discovery. Remember guys this is, a Bryan Fuller Joint, the same showrunner who worked on Hannibal, and who just finished, the critically acclaimed, first season of American Gods. Fuller also has some Star Trek experience, as he used to be one of the writers on  Deep Space Nine. The show follows lead character Michael Burnham, played by Sonequa Martin-Green, who grew up on Vulcan, and was raised by Sarek, Spock’s father.

 

 

Teen Wolf

The final season of Teen Wolf will be airing this weekend, and I’m not real crazy about it, although I may watch it in support of Scott McCall. Over the years, the show has engaged in a great deal of whitewashing ,as it started out with a good amount of diversity, but has slowly been replacing all of the PoC each season, with new White characters, something which has dulled my enthusiasm for the show. The word “final” is in the title though, so I feel compelled to at least look at the pilot. I hope for a happy end to the series.

 

 

The Incredible Jessica James

If you liked Jessica James when she was snarking at the public on  The Colbert Show than check out her new show on Netflix, coming this Friday.  Remember, she was offered the job as the new host, and famously, turned it down, because she was looking at other plans. I will definitely check it out. I loved her comedy on the show, and I’m looking forward to see what she’s gotten up to here.

 

Bright

Here’s an extended trailer for Netflix’s new show starring Will Smith. I’m a big Will Smith fan, and I’ll be on vacation then, so yeah, BingeWatch! It doesnt look as funny as I’d expect from Smith, but its got some great imagery. We get to see Will Smith wielding a sword, and snarking at some Orcs. This wil lbe released on Dec. 22nd.

 

 

The Walking Dead

Yeah, this looks as harrowing and intense as the last season…so no change then? I’m already tired of Negan, and will be glad when he’s locked up, or whatever they’re gonna do to him, but at least things  look a little more energetic than the last season, which wasn’t one of my favorites, except in those few moments when it was.  I see that Carol “Terminator” Danvers is back with the gang, and Morgan and Jesus get to have a smackdown. Also there’s a lot more Ezekiel, which is okay for me.

 

 

Westworld Season 2

I really enjoyed the first season of this show, so I’m definitely here to watch the fallout of the robot’s rise to sentience, and how that affects things in the park.

 

 

The Defenders

I’m cautiously excited about this because Iron Fist  is in here,  and watching his show was traumatic. On the other hand, I like everyone else in the show and there’s this lady in here that’s uhm…C’MON, ITS FREAKIN’ SIGOURNEY WEAVER, PEOPLE!!!

Oh okay, I’m sorry for yelling but, yeah, I did mean to do that. Uhm, there’s some fightin’, explosions, and Luke Cage, and stuff, too.

 

 

Vikings

This is another one of those shows that I dont know why I watch it. It’s not a bad show, although its gone off the rails a bit since its beginning. I just like the characters, the accents are fascinating, and there’s some gore and swordfights. Its not as complicated as Game of Thrones because the characters seem to have much more prosaic concerns. This is the final season. Apparently, I can’t resist the word “final”, in any description of a show.

 

 

Marvel’s Inhumans

This trailer looks waay better than that first one which seemed created to make you mock the show before its airing. Yeah, Medusa’s hair still looks cheap, but at least they remembered PoC exist in that world.  I’ve always been a huge Black Bolt fan, but I don’t know how to feel about the actor playing him. Hopefully, he will change facial expressions, during one of the episodes. So far, none of these trailers for the show,  are garnering the enthusiasm that I feel The Inhumans deserve.

 

Krypton

Nope. I have no plans to watch this beyond the Pilot because, from the description, it sounds like Riverdale in Space, and I won’t watch that either.

 

 

The Crossing

I think this sounds intriguing. I dont know if I’ll watch it beyond the first episode, (probably not), but it looks like an interesting premise.

 

 

The Alienist

I’m far more likely to keep watching this, because I like period shows, and I have a soft spot for this particular actress, ever since she starred in Man on Fire, with Denzel Washington. The book, by Caleb Carr, was pretty good too,  and I’m interested to see what the creators do with it.

 

 

The Orville

Not sure I want t owatch a Star Trek parody, and I’m uncertain of the lead actors humor, but I did laugh a few times during this trailer, so I’ll at least give it a try.

 

 

Stranger Things Season 2

I didn’t see the first season of Stranger Things but I heard a lot about it. i thought maybe it was an “It” ripoff, but it turned out to be a little bit more than that. This trailer goes a long way towards making me want to see the second season, which is a feat, considering I found the first season not particularly interesting.

 

 

Next up :Part Two of the New Fall Releases, and Returning Shows

Aaaah!!! New Movie Trailers (2017)

San Diego Comic-Con has just begun, which means that  every day will bring new trailer releases to the internet. So, all week long, I’m going to try to collect the ones I’m most interested in and post them here. Not only does the SDCC release new trailers every day, for TV shows and movies, but other avenues often release trailers for their movies in a  competition for Nerd attention spans. I will try to capture a few of those too. (Some of these trailers have been seen before, but sometimes extended trailers, or extra trailers get released, as well.)

Here’s a list of movies I’m very excited about, mildly excited about, and some I don’t care that much about. We’ll start with the ones I’m most enthusiastic about, and descend in order of importance. But only to me though. There are plenty of movies I’m not interested in, but you might find them very intriguing. 

*We will start with my personal favorite, The Dark Tower. I am total trash for these books, and I’m so excited that Idris Elba is playing Roland Deschain, that I can hardly contain myself. I hope I don’t pop before Aug. 4th. It turns out that Mum is also a fan of Idris, and is interested in going to the theater with me to see this. All I had to do was mention Idris, monsters, guns, and Stephen King, in the same sentence, and she was onboard. Now let’s see if I can make it a date with my niece, The Potato!

 

*I think this movie stars some guy named Ryan Gosling. You may have heard of him. Or not. I don’t object to the man but I don’t actually see why everyone’s so gaga over him. Maybe I’ll see it during this movie. He looks really cool in this trailer though, (in my head, everyone in this movie is a Replicant.) Jared Leto is also being weird and creepy in this movie. I’m one of the few people who  still likes Jared, (probably because I don’t personally know him.) But I’m here for Harrison Ford. I’ve been gaga over Harrison since his bit part in Apocalypse Now. I just want to see him reprise his role as Deckard, since I loved the first Bladerunner movie.

 

 

Black women finally get our own version of John Wick/Wonder Woman. I know I can talk my Mum into seeing this because she loves Foxy Brown type movies. I’m a big John Wick fan, and I’d love to see how Taraji handles this role. I feel confident she can pull it off because of her work in Person of Interest. Next year is gonna be the shit as far as diversity in movies. At least for Black people. Now can we get some Latinx, and Indigenous Supers, up in here? I just like seeing different ways of handling the same stories, and a Native American Superhero movie would be awesome! (Yep! I know about Cleverman.)

 

 

I have one word for this trailer: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!! Let me reiterate that the single word I’m using here is A-a-a-a, followed by h-h-h-h, and then some exclamation points. I think that says it all!

 

I love when Guillermo Del Toro puts his hand to something. I will see anything he comes up with, even if the idea is ultimately unsuccessful, like Crimson Peak, it’s still a movie worth looking at. This really does look like Abe Sapien gets a girlfriend in 1950s America, though. I am here for this.

 

 

I had a really hard time choosing my favorite movie for the year The Incredibles was released. It’s just one of my all-time favorites. I just know the sight of a grown woman, bouncing around the house in her bunny (actually cow) slippers, over the release of a sequel to The Incredibles, is sure to bring a smile to y’all’s faces, too. The actual family isn’t even in this trailer. This is a tribute to the real star of the movie, Edna Mode, someone I aspire to be when I grow up one day.

 

Okay, I like this trailer a lot more than the first one. This one actually makes me want to see the movie, which is great considering my theories about trailers being designed to make a person hate a movie before it opens. It looks funny, and action packed, the Incredible Hulk is talking, and Cate Blanchett looks awesome as Hel, just like in the comic books. Tessa Thompson looks like she’s having waaaay too much fun. Oh, did you catch Mark Ruffalo’s Commemorative Duran Duran Rio Album T-shirt? Everything about this trailer screams 1980s aesthetic, right down to the music and the Heavy Metal logo, and I am here for it, because that shit is hilarious to me, having actually lived through that era.

 

*Now this is how a trailer is supposed to be. Exciting! Fun! Great lines! Lots of action scenes! Good music! This is the trailer that makes me enthusiastic to see this movie, because that other trailer was kinda, meh!

I like the modern day WW more than I like WW2 version, for some reason.  I read most of the comic book versions of The Justice League, but I was mostly indifferent to The Flash, Cyborg, and Aquaman as individual books. I like the actors they chose, though, especially Ezra Miller, and Jason Momoa. They look they’re having fun, which means I’ll have fun, too. I don’t actually object to Ben Affleck as Batman, except when I do, apparently. (Maybe it has something to do with my mood. Who the heck knows?) I hope Cyborg changes expression at some point.

 

 

 

*Okay, this movie looked creepy enough, even though I don’t normally watch serial killer films. I come from America’s Northeast, (Ohio), so movies  with lots of snow are always attractive to me. I can’t imagine why! Also, movies with snow, and Michael Fassbender, are always going to be intriguing. Did I tell you I was a fan of Michael Fassbender, who in real life is probably a complete asshole, but I don’t want y’all spoiling my daydreams of marriage (and eventual divorce,) in some alternate world’s future? Oh, I haven’t told y’all that!

Never mind.

 

 

I’m feeling just meh! about these:

*I  was not a huge fan of the original movie becasue I hated all the characters,  including Eggsy (or whatever) and there’s one scene, in particular, that was extremely violent, and  sort of harrowing to sit through, and I didn’t like it, even if it was very well choreographed. On the other hand, this one has cowboys and Channing Tatum, which might be a win for me.

 

 

*I think this might have been released already. I’m not sure, but it looks suitably weird and frightening, so I’m not sure I want to sit in a movie theater, and see something like this, although I would definitely watch it on Cable or Netflix. I always have a odd mix of yes/no feelings regarding alien invasion movies, (although I loved last year’s Arrival.)

 

 

*I have no intention of seeing this in a theater, but I love the idea. It looks scary and funny which is exactly my style. Some of you might really like this one. I would definitely watch it on TV.

 

 

 

*I like Noomi Rapace, and this movie sounds intriguing, but I would never watch this in a theater, because it looks deeply depressing, and kind of horrifying. I think I’ll wait for the DVD, on this. But I know some of you will like this, especially if you liked Children of Men.

 

*I love Dwayne Johnson but I’m not going to see this. I even like Kevin Hart’s brand of comedy, and the two of them have such great chemistry together. I won’t go see this unless my sister pays for it, though. I liked the book, and the original movie, too. The idea of upgrading to make it a cliched videogame is also pretty cute, but I won’t be seeing this one until it, inevitably, shows up on cable.

 

 

Okay, these movies are a straight up Nope!, for me, but might be intriguing to some of you guys:

*Why does there even need to be a live-action version of a nearly perfect animated movie? Who did this, and can we find them, and waterdrop them, until they stop doing whatever they think they’re doing?

 

*Nope. I already saw this movie. It was called Wanted, or American Ultra, or something, and I don’t want to pay money to see it again. I’ll wait for it on Amazon.

 

 

 

*Nope. Already saw this movie, too. It was called 10,000 BC, I think. I was disappointed then, and I’m sure I’ll be disappointed here.

 

Next up: New TV show trailers!

Spiderman Homecoming

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Just in case you hadn’t guessed, there are going to be lots of spoilers. I’m basically gonna be talking about the plot, in detail. So if you haven’t seen this movie, its time to check out of this post, right now.

I’ll wait for you to come back!

 

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So yeah! I went to see Spiderman Homecoming this weekend, along with about a million other people, because Spiderman totally blew the fuck up this weekend. There are some movies that I get a good feel for their success, and others not so much, but this one I felt good about.  This is an instinct  that’s based entirely on my own own enthusiasm for a movie, so it’s not some infallible thing, where I’m always right.

And yeah, the movie is every bit as entertaining as everyone says it is. I took The Potato with me, and she seemed to really enjoy herself. It isn’t a very deep movie, but I wasn’t expecting depth from a Spiderman movie, so that’s okay. I don’t require every movie be an intellectual exercise, (just Christopher Nolan’s.) Sometimes you just want a movie to be a lot of fun, or bring the feels, and Spiderman does both of those. I found myself more interested in the relationships and dialogue, than the action scenes, although those were good too. I’m also glad to see that they didn’t do an origin story. We’ve had a bunch of those already.

I don’t normally see movies with teenagers in them, as most of the time they aren’t written very realistically as teens, and they always look like people with mortgages. I’ll tolerate a high school setting for the sake of a good story, but I generally don’t seek out material with that setting, on purpose.That said, I really enjoyed this because these are some of the most realistically written teens I’ve seen in a movie. I especially enjoyed these kid’s relationships with their parents, and the parents relationships to their kids, which is often written as being fraught with emotional drama, with sullen and unlikable teens. I even liked most of the kids. I liked that they looked, dressed, and acted like kids, instead of runway models, or future serial killers.


Most of the drama remains between Peter and  Michael Keaton, as The Vulture, or Peter messing up a situation that was already under control, because he wants so badly to be a superhero. Tony tells him he’s not ready for the big leagues, even though he was the one who picked Peter to go fight Captain America, in Civil War. So Peter gets a taste of the big time, and because he doesn’t believe Tony believes in him, ends up proving Tony’s point, that he’s not ready. When he almost gets all the people on the Staten Island Ferry killed through his interference, Tony takes away the suit he gave him at the end of Civil War, and  Peter spends the rest of the movie trying to prove he’s worthy. There’s a not insignificant portion of the movie spent with Peter trying to figure out how to work the suit. His origin story is glossed over in a few lines. We don’t even get a flashback, for which I remain grateful.

The Vulture is not one of my favorite villains from the comic books. (That would be Dr. Octopus) but I liked him okay, mostly due to Keaton’s ability to sell being warm and friendly, while also being  pantshittingly scary. There’s a scene, just before the Homecoming Dance, when he figures out that Peter is Spiderman, and confronts Peter about his secret identity, that scared the bejeebus out of me. You expect the typical events to occur, where he threatens Pete’s friends and family, or holds Aunt May hostage during the Homecoming Dance, and then Peter spends the rest of the movie trying to rescue somebody. Thankfully the writers skip over all that, and the fight remains between The Vulture and Spiderman to the end.

This  is indeed one of the most diverse MCU movies, I’ve ever seen, though I’m still mad about Miles Morales not being Spiderman. It’s like the MCU is punking us, or something. But there’s hope for a future teamup between the two Spider-men, because Miles’ uncle gets a funny cameo and mentions his nephew. The central characters are still white guys, but the PoC are not ill treated,  and get lots of screen time. None of them are developed characters, because it’s a pretty huge cast, and the movie is already two and a half hours, and the focus is all on Peter’s character. Peter’s teen crush, Liz, gets almost no character beyond being pleasant and pretty, for example. She is bi-racial, and I think it’s intriguing that   this movie shows two white men being  romantically interested in Black women. Peter’s best friend is Ned, who gets a little bit more character work, and is played by Jacob Batalon. He was a lot of fun and gets almost as much screen time as Tom Holland.


There are a number of characters I really enjoyed and I’m going to go through this by the  character names:

Aunt May – Marisa Tomei

I really liked Marisa Tomei’s version of Aunt May, who is supportive and funny. I still have no idea what she does for a living but she is apparently well known in the neighborhood as a hottie. It’s referred to a couple of times but not to the level where it becomes creepy. Also, she’s not prone to the speechifying of the Aunt May from the first  Spiderman movies with Tobey McGuire. I sometimes got tired of hearing her talk, even if what she said was supposed to be inspiring.

At no point, in this narrative, do they  damsel Aunt May, for which I am eternally grateful. At one point Peter,who has been invited to the Homecoming Dance by the girl of his dreams, Liz, enlists Aunt May’s help in getting him ready. She gets him a suit, teaches him to tie his tie,  and even teaches him how to boogie. That poor boy can’t dance a lick, though. aunt May can at least keep a beat.

 

Ned – Jacob Batalon

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Ned gets almost as much screen time, as he’s Peter’s best friend, and is the first person to find out he’s Spiderman. Jacob is just as charming as Tom Holland and I totally fell in love with his cute, little nerdy self, with his Legos, and his big mouth, although my niece wasn’t too impressed with him, though. He manages to get Peter into trouble with his peers,  because he’s so excited that he’s friends with Spiderman. Earlier in the movie, he asks Peter if he can be Spiderman’s “Man in the Chair”, who gives the hero instructions while in the field, and during the Homecoming scene, he, very happily, gets  his big chance.

Jennifer Connolly is the voice of Karen, The Spidey Suit

She talks to Peter through his Spiderman suit, and even she gets a couple of great lines. The suit’s voice is something that was added just for the film. In most of the comic books, Peter’s suit isn’t made by Tony Stark and doesn’t talk much. (There is an alternate version of Spiderman, in a gold and red suit, that was created by Stark, but he’s not Spiderman Prime, as it were.)

 Adrian Toomes – Michael Keaton

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Keaton plays the movie’s least funny character. But he’s also a sympathetic character, having lost his salvage and demolition business to Stark’s politicking. In the aftermath of The Avengers movie, there’s a lot of cleaning up to do, and Toomes set himself, and his crew, to be a salvage team. Unfortunately, a lot of the salvage is alien technology, that really shouldn’t be in the hands of civilians, and during the course of the movie you can see why, as the civilians use this technology to act a fool, lose control of the technology, and occasionally even lose track of it.

Adrian is also Liz’ Dad, which Peter doesn’t find out until half the movie is over, and he’s already asked her to the Homecoming. All three are sitting in the car, on the way to the dance, when it slowly begins to dawn on Adrian that Peter is Spiderman. Talk about tense and Awkward!!!

Toomes is married to Garcelle Beauvais, and he’s a great father, he loves his family, and is dedicated to taking care of them. His argument that he is only making money by selling weapons, the same way Tony’s family made theirs, is justifiable, and I didn’t have a problem with his reasoning, up to a point. My problem is that he and his garage buddies are stealing the technology,  and they aren’t qualified to handle alien tech. At one point he accidentally kills one of his people (Shocker #1) because he grabs the wrong weapon. Can you imagine your dumb-assed  neighbor cobbling together some alien tech in his garage? I think not!

 

Shocker #2 – Bokeem Woodbine

When Shocker #1 gets killed, Bokeem’s character inherits his weapon. I really like this actor, and I’m semi-interested in seeing him become one of Peter’s Rogues Gallery, which is what they call Spiderman’s regular coterie of bad guys, in the comic books. Most of Spiderman’s villains, who insist on jumping in and out of prison, have animal names, but the Shocker is something of a change from Dr. Octopus, The Scorpion, The Vulture, Chameleon, Black Cat, The Goblin, Rhino. That said, I would love it if Kraven the Hunter showed up in one of Spidey’s movies, or the life-eating Morlun, who is a kind of ageless, spiritual vampire. But so far, all we got is  Shocker.

Coach Wilson – Hannibal Buress

Hannibal Buress gets a funny turn as Peter’s gym coach, who is also the head of detention. What few scenes he gets are hilarious like when he’s required to show Captain America’s stupid PSAs in his class, while he briefly wonders; isn’t the Captain a Federal criminal, now?

 

Michelle – MJ – Zendaya

Image result for spiderman homecoming toomes

I’m surprised to say that this is one of my favorite characters in the entire movie and I wasn’t expecting that. She is funny as hell, and although she’s not in a lot of scenes, she steals almost every one of them, due mostly to Zendaya’s comedic timing and delivery. The Potato loves her Disney show, KC Undercover, and was delighted to see her.

She’s just a  funny weirdo in the movie and I loved her. She shows up to detention, and when Coach Wilson asks why she’s there because she doesn’t even  have detention, she says she likes to come there because she likes drawing people in crisis. She then shows him a picture she drew of him. That just tickles the hell outta me, and makes me wish I had thought of doing that when I was in art school. Later, when Peter is looking depressed in class, she flips over her paper to show him  the drawing she did of him. I think this tickled the rest of the audience.

Oh ,and it actually turns out that the filmmakers lied about Zendaya being Mary Jane. She’s basically a future Mary Jane with a new name, Michelle. I guess they did that to throw off the scent of the idiot fan-guys who protested making Mary Jane a Black girl. Yes, her hair is annoying for the entire movie.

She claims to be unaffected by her high school life but you get the impression she really does have a low-key crush on Peter. She pays a lot of attention to him, even though she claims she doesn’t care,  telling the class she doesn’t have a crush on him, and is just highly observant. What a strange girl.

Flash Thompson is played by Tony Revolori, and he’s every bit as annoying as you’d expect a bully to be, but is also deeply funny, often referring to Peter as Penis Parker, and gleefully wondering when Peter will be expelled. You get the impression that he’s not bullying Peter because he has some deep dark secret in his home life, because its not really that kind of bullying. This version of Flash isn’t a jock, because its not that type of school, so his teasing of Peter is mostly due to academic rivalry, more than anything else.

Compared to the comic books this is the one most like the 90s comic books, and the Mark Millar version. This is one of the funniest Spiderman movies, too. The MCU understands this character the best, and how they’d like to depict him, and it shows. The original movie, starring Tobey MacGuire, had its moments, and I particularly enjoyed the second movie with Dr. Octopus, but Peter wasn’t funny in any of them. He was hapless, and a loser, but he didn’t make me laugh, even if the supporting cast was hugely funny. This Peter is a loser, but not in a depressing sort of way, like the Raimi version. The movie manages to remain lighthearted, even when Peter is being put into embarrassing ethical positions by his friends. This version of Peter is hapless because of his intensity, not because life seems to have it in for him.

The second iteration of Spiderman, with Andrew Garfield, brought a lot of feels, and I really liked those movies but, once again, they were not very funny, although funnier than McGuire’s version. The humor level drops  a notch  when this Peter  is in costume, but that’s okay, because its hard to  drop quips, when you’re getting your ass kicked. I’m glad the humor isn’t limited to the rest of the cast, though, and that Peter  remembers to be funny when he’s in costume.

But the most charming moments  occur at the beginning of the movie, when we pick up the story, with Tony recruiting him to go fight the other Avengers in Civil War. Normally, I don’t pay a whole lot of attention to large battle scenes in movies, but that scene in Civil War is, hands down,  one of the funniest fights I’ve ever seen in an American action movie.  Peter’s narration of it just gives it a new dimension of silliness. Peter is such a goofy mess, a hyperactive 10 year-old, as he personally films the event, which he’s not supposed to be doing. Incidentally, Tony’s presence in this movie goes a long way towards making up for recruiting a 14 year-old boy into his Avengers war, but yeah, I’m still mad at Tony for lying to Peter about why. Just add that to the list of things that make you wish Tony would catch these hands.

Oh, and you should stick around long enough to get trolled by, of all people, Captain America, who made me roll my eyes twice while he lectured the audience on the virtues of patience. That’s totally NOT funny guys!😜

Image result for spiderman homecoming/ captain america

So yeah, I really, really liked this movie. It’s better than The Amazing Spiderman 2, and that Raimi production, Spiderman #3, even though I’m one of the five people who seemingly  liked that one. On the other hand it’s just not as good as the Tobey McGuire’s Spiderman 2, because that one starred Otto Octavius and it’s hard to top a good villain. The creators do need to stop making Spiderman films for a little while, though. I don’t want to see any more Spiderman movies until he’s in college. If you haven’t seen Spiderman Homecoming yet, I’d definitely recommend it.

The next movie I’d like to see is Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets. I may not get the chance to see that, however, for budgetary reasons, but Me, Mom, and The Potato, will definitely be sitting in the theater for The Dark Tower on August 4th.

Tumblr Humor 2,344

For your amusement this weekend, various artifacts from Tumblr:

*Recently Barbie introduced some new ,more inclusive looking, dolls to their roster. You just know Black Twitter wasn’t gonna let that go, for a second! OMG! These are spot on!

The Hotep
Jamal from ’round the way!
That ni**a that refuse to take no for an answer.
The Otaku
The Good Ol’ Boy
The Becky
The Bitter Ni**a

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I am here on Tumblr for just this type of cat discourse:

kinkshamer69

i wonder if my pets have like a proper language and when i try to speak back to them i’m just speaking jargon

like for example my cat always speaks to me when I come home and i meow back to her and she’ll meow again & even though i don’t think twice about it to her it’s probably a situation where it’s like

her, meowing: “im glad you’re home”

me, meowing back: “tax benefits”

her, meowing: “why do u always do this”

 

commanderflowers

me

theplushfrog

cats actually have a human-specific language. cats don’t often meow at each other and seem to use subvocal communications that humans can’t hear to chat cat-to-cat. however, cats seem to use what humans would call “shout-until-you’re-understood” to speak to humans. so basically, it’s more like:

“I’M GLAD YOU’RE HOME!”

“tax benefits”

“NO, I’M GLAD YOU ARE HOME

“waffle iron”

“IT’S OKAY. I LOVE YOU TOO, MY DUMB HUMAN”

 

defilerwyrm

The domestic house cat’s wild ancestors have a much harsher voice, too. The going theory is that early cats mimicked human infants which tripped humans’ nurturing instincts, and then selective breeding did the rest.

We make a big deal over how dogs have developed the ability to understand human expressions and tones (and let’s be fair, that is in fact awesome), but cats are possibly the only species that has changed their vocal language to try to communicate with us.

 

imayjustbejamesmoriarty

what I love about this post (apart from cats because cats are ADORABLE) is the assumption that cats have words for tax benefits.

 

riverofwhispers

Are you suggesting they don’t?

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That first sign tho’! And that last picture is oddly specific!

 

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My question was how the hell the dog got up there, not why! (The why seems pretty obvious!)

 

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Okay, but in all truthiness, Jason is always taking shit too far. Jason is a habitual Line-Stepper!

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We said shit like this all the time when we were kids:

Black people crack me up. We say “whole” like it even has potential to be a half.

jayywesst

Ex: “The man had a whole dog in the car”

antichristkimm

Ex: “boy you got a WHOLE girlfriend. Get tf away from me.”

 

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 WWHHOOOOO!!!!!! I am ready! (Although apparently, I can just go ahead and unsubscribe during the show’s hiatus, I guess.)

Star Trek: Discovery Leaves The Spacedock On September 24 With A Split Season And Even Higher Hopes
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I think Taco might not make it back home.

dauntlesshadowhunterravenclaw

TACO NEEDS TO KEEP HIS LITTLE MOUTH SHUT

dynastylnoire

TACO NEEDS TO STAY IN HIS DAMN  LANE

dynastylnoire

TACO IS BACK AND HE’S STILL A NOSY BITCH

Tumblr Weekend Shenanigans

Okay, not all of these came from Tumblr but a few of them did. I hope some of these images give you a laugh this weekend.

 

I know I said I wouldn’t publish any images of THAT ONE on my blog, but this was just too good to pass up.  #45 visited Saudi Arabia and laid hands on a glowing orb. Actually, it was just a kind of light switch for some type of political display/museum, but the internet had a lot of fun with it anyway:

Funny-donald-trump-the-orb-tweet-reactionsTrump Orb

Funny-donald-trump-the-orb-tweet-reactionsFunny-donald-trump-the-orb-tweet-reactionsFunny-donald-trump-the-orb-tweet-reactionsFunny-donald-trump-the-orb-tweet-reactionsTrump Orb

Trump Orb

Visit the rest of these images at: http://www.boredpanda.com/funny-donald-trump-the-orb-tweet-reactions/?page_numb=2

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I don’t have a cat but if I did this would be a very different type of blog. Cats are just hella funny, and these photos just cry out for captions. My favorites are The Foretold Kitty, and The Chosen Cat.

 Yeah, you’re gonna have to talk him down!
Hail Kitten!

Nope!
And he’s been watching you look for him for two hours!
I’m pretty sure cats don’t understand cats either.

Best Cat Tweets Of 2016

Via Bored Panda

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 The Four Stages of Captain Holt. I suspect this is how I appear to people most of the time.

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Here’s a video from vlogger, Lilly Singh at Superwoman. If you haven’t discovered her  yet, she’s on YouTube. She has a whole series, and they’re hilarious! Reblogging this for the epic clapback.

 
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Agreed! Coleslaw is the Devil’s Salad. I do not condone it!
watuare

eve

Boys who like coleslaw you are valid

chessys

no ur not

 

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This deserves a caption!You must use the words “Queen” or “Slay”.

bagoftryx: “ enemacklemore: “when you have to kill off an entire crew on a spaceship at 7 and be at the met gala at 7:30 ” I have finally found my aesthetic ”

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YouTube videos are what I get up to in my free time. Ha! What free time? Anyway, does anyone remember Hurricane Gaston,  last year?

 

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Okja stars Steven Yeun from The Walking Dead fame, and Tilda Swinton, from Dr. Strange, so its kind of a trade-off, I guess. Anyway this looks very intriguing. I will definitely check it out if I have the time.

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 And here is author R. Frater to sing the praises of Roberta Warren from Z Nation. I’ve only watched the show in scattered bits, and enjoyed what little I saw, but I hope this Summer, to actually sit down and binge the first two seasons.  Check out Ms. Frater’s own zombie series, As the World Dies, which has two great female leads. 

Roberta Warren is why you should watch Z Nation.

rhiannonfrater

Roberta Warren (Kellita Smith) is the woman in charge of Team Bite Mark, the group dedicated to getting Murphy, the only known survivor of a zombie bite, to the CDC.

For the first part of season 1 she’s the second in command and her input is always valued by the leader. Once she takes over, both the group and outsiders defer to her authority without question.

Once a member of the National Guard, she has all the training needed to guide the team on their mission, but she’s more than just a warrior in the guise of a beautiful woman.

She has all the hallmarks of a kick ass leader.

She’s Tough

She can make any possible weapon work for her, but she’s usually wielding her machete or a pistol.

She’s Compassionate

She’s cautious, but she gives strangers a chance to prove themselves. When she sees those in needs, she will step in to help out.

She’s a Strategist 

She knows the strength and weaknesses of her group. She takes in all the information needed to make the right, yet sometimes very tough decisions. Though she’ll listen to the input from her group, she makes the final call. She always makes sure there is a plan to keep everyone as safe as possible.

She’s No Nonsense

Warren doesn’t suffer fools. She is dedicated to the mission and isn’t about to let herself get bogged down. When dealing with Murphy, this is not always easy.

She’s Honest

Warren understands how hard it is to keep going sometimes, and she’ll encourage her team the best she can. Even Murphy. They’ve all suffered losses and she understands that, but in the end of the day they’re trying to save humanity. She may be compassionate, but she’s also honest. She’s not going to lie about the tribulations on the road ahead.

She’s Human

Warren is not a super-human emotionless killing machine. She’s not the sidekick or love interest female propping up a male hero. She’s a fully realized character. Roberta feels the pain of loss just like everyone else. Even at her darkest moment, when she closed herself off in despair, she found a way to push through the pain and keep going with the help of her friends.

Huge kudos to the writers for avoiding the strong black woman trope that would have denied her humanity.

She’s Sexy

Roberta is a beautiful, sexy woman and she owns it completely. Lately she’s been sharing smoldering looks with Vasquez. This doesn’t diminish her role as the leader. She keeps things in perspective, but that doesn’t prevent her from being attracted to someone.

She’s Loved 

Roberta has found love in the apocalypse before. She will again. It’s obvious that she’s attractive and men are drawn to her. Though the mission is what’s important, she’s had moments where she was truly loved.

She’s a Friend

Even when things are tough, she enjoys the good moments in life with her friends. She sincerely cares about those she’s on the mission with and let’s them know it.

Her 2nd In Command is another woman

Addy and Warren have suffered similar losses and have a strong understanding of each others strengths and weaknesses. Roberta depends on Addy to help with the complications of restoring tech for communication with Citizen Z.

On several recent lists of television shows with women of color in the leads, Roberta Warren (Kellita Smith) has been left off. This is such a shame because she’s one of the best representations of female leadership on television in a very long time.

She’s one of the many reasons you should watch Z Nation.

Source: rhiannonfrater

 

 

 

 

Tumblr Humor # 378

Here! Have some smiles today!

Real life version of GET OUT! Olivia Cole is always keeping it on the real. Here she chronicles how her husband probably saved her soul!

malfvoys: “ malfvoys: “ hands down the best twitter story ever ” bonus ”

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Here is Will Jay in Leading Man, a tongue in cheek, low-key drag, of Hollywood whitewashing. I have never even heard of this man and I’m already in love with him. He  has a smile like a young Jet Li.

Pointed commentary?Check!

Dancing?Check!

Singing?Check!

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I don’t know why I love these Gothic Threads. so much:

black diaspora gothic

vaantablack

your mother tells you to go find something for her. it’s not there. when she goes looking for it, it reappears, just where she said it was.

this woman is your auntie. that man is your uncle. you have too many aunties and uncles to remember. you haven’t seen them, but they all have seen you. you know, when you were no bigger than THIS?

kdotjay-draws-and-reblogs

as a child, the sizzle of a hot comb or the burn of a relaxer has desensitized yet traumatized you.

you tell yourself there’s food at the house just when you think about heading down to wendy’s.

there’s always food at the house

the-afro-argonaut

You say something to your mom in a too comfortable tone. Your mother says she ain’t one for your little friends. You have so many little friends.

So little.

You can barely see them with the naked eye.

dhaarijmens

you take the chicken out of the freezer.

your mother calls. did you take the chicken out of the freezer? of course you did – but the counter is bare. you take the chicken out of the freezer.

did you take the chicken out of the freezer? of course you did. you do a double-take. there is no chicken. there is no freezer.

did you take the chicken out of the freezer?

And my own contribution to this thread:

There’s always food at the house. And while there’s always plenty of it, its always the same side dishes  all the time. Candied yams, macaroni and cheese, potato salad, green beans, cornbread muffins, cornbread stuffing, okra…

There’s only ever one type of meat, though: Chicken (baked and fried)

The food is always freshly made, hot, and ready on the table, no matter what time of the day or night you show up, even though you’ve never seen anyone cooking it. You know the people in this house have full time jobs.

And my other contribution: 

You go to the family cookout, there’s potato salad sitting on the table, but no one knows who made it. No one saw anyone bring it, either.

If you want to contribute to this thread feel free to do so in the comments.

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LOL!!!

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Yep! This is how I know:

tastefullyoffensive:“Undeniable proof. (via jelenawoehr) ”
tastefullyoffensive
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I wonder what they sound like? I hear the one in the striped tie plays a mean saxophone, and the Black guy is definitely lead vocals.

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If you are a Fantasy novel fan, this will all make perfect sense to you:

invokingbees: “ weeniebagel: “ invokingbees: “ Walk into your kitchen at 3am and this wizard is waiting for you, having drunk your beer and sampled, but disliked, your potato chips, hasn’t done the dishes, and he isn’t happy What do you...

invokingbees

Walk into your kitchen at 3am and this wizard is waiting for you, having drunk your beer and sampled, but disliked, your potato chips, hasn’t done the dishes, and he isn’t happy

What do you do?

weeniebagel

“Really, Carl? Really? Christ, I knew the breakup with Cindy was bad-but not THIS bad! How’d you even get in my house? Why are the Utz all over the floor? Wh- how did you get in my house!?”

“Damn your fool’s mind, Randy, the mists of dream still you know my Amulet of Saros allows me passage through all portals, physical and arcane. I came here as this apartment provides protection from the mental ravaging of that dark sorceress, Cindy, gods blast her name! Your fermented beverages are all that have kept me from darkness this night, Randy, would you turn me away in this hour of terror?”

Source: invokingbees

 

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Yeah, now we’ve just reached a point where we barely refute these asinine statements. Now we just come straight out and mock them:

maatuultulivesi

does no one realize that robin hood was a terrible role model for young kids? i mean you are stealing from people (illegal) and those people (usually) worked hard to get their wealth. it really demotivates people to succeed when they know they can get something someone else worked for.

crotchetybushtit

is this what rich people worry about lmao

sunbeargirl

who knew the sheriff of nottingham had a blog

jas720

How does someone read Robin Hood and miss the part where it’s set in feudal England. He stole from people who got their wealth by exploiting the poor, incidentally that’s all rich people to this very day.

impuretale

Tune in next week when they tell you the story of Ebeneezer Scrooge, a benevolent job creator, harassed during his sleeping hours by the hellish socialist dead.

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My doing nothing needs to be carefully thought out and planned for:

introvertproblems: “JOIN THE INTROVERT NATION MOVEMENT ”

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thefingerfuckingfemalefury:“ peppylilspitfuck: “ cute-pet-animals-aww: “This is how my friend found the cat in the bathroom ” Always hang your cat up to dry after a bath. ” “I AM THE NITE” “stop” “CRIMINALS ARE A MEOWARDLY AND SUPERSTITIOUS...
This photo cries out for a caption:

peppylilspitfuck

Always hang your cat up to dry after a bath.

thefingerfuckingfemalefury

“I AM THE NITE”

“stop”

“CRIMINALS ARE A MEOWARDLY AND SUPERSTITIOUS LOT”

“get down from there”

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Yep! This needs a caption too.

 

This pretty much my whole aesthetic right here:

introvertunites: “ If you’re an introvert, follow @introvertunites​​​. ”

 

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