Completely Harmless SCPs

Not everything that is contained by the SCP is dangerous, evil, or inadvertently trying to take over, or destroy the world! Some things are just anomalous, and/or weird, and completely, utterly harmless. And yet, whatever it is cannot be allowed to simply exist in public because, due to its appearance, it would still freak people out, no matter how beneficial the object might be.

SCP 999 The Tickle Monster

Of all the SCPs the Tickle Monster is probably the sweetest and cutest monster in the organization. It’s a small, bright yellow blob of protoplasm that loves to interact with people, and especially likes candy, and being tickled. It’s sort of like a yellow, squishy, puppy. The Tickle Monster doesn’t really need to be contained and has the complete run of the facility. It’s a direct output of the SCP’s efforts to thwart the emergence of the Scarlet King, having been birthed by one of the seven brides who were cursed to give birth to demons as a sign of Scarlet’s return.

The Tickle Monster is a Thaumiel class SCP. It has the special ability to make anyone who interacts with it happier, and the SCP uses it to boost morale among the employees at its containment facility. It is also speculated that there is a special purpose for its existence, as it’s meant to save the world from The Scarlet King himself.

SCP 131 The Eyepods

Totally harmless, these two brave and friendly SCPs are the absolute best things bout working at their facility. The Eyepods are sort of like BB8’s from Star Wars, but with two giant blue eyeballs in their teardrop-shaped bodies, where faces would normally be. SCP 131-A which has an orange body, and 131-B, which has a bright yellow body are allowed to freely roam about Site 19, although too much contact between them and site personnel isn’t encouraged because they have a tendency to form attachments to specific people, which can impede that person’s ability to do their work.

They’re about as smart as housecats, don’t eat, sleep, or poop, and love to get into things because they’re deeply nosy. They are also very protective of people they get attached to, attempting to warn them away from Keter and Euclid class objects in the facility. Since they are incapable of blinking they can be tremendously helpful when it comes to corralling SCP 173. They’re not allowed to leave the facility, or go into classified areas, but their whereabouts are monitored hourly, which is necessary because, due to curiosity, and their ability to roll up sheer surfaces, they have occasionally had to be rescued from the air vents.

SCP 085 2D Cassy

Cassy is a little more melancholy tale, but she really is completely harmless. She is an entirely 2-dimensional being that is sentient and knows that she is two-dimensional. Cassy was created by accident, with the interaction between two different SCPs, but attempts to recreate her effect (sometimes this is done in order to create a companion for her) have been fruitless. As a result, Cassie is very lonely and likes to interact with people whenever she can, but she can never be allowed to leave containment.

Anything that is drawn on Cassie’s paper, or on paper, paintings, illustrations, or watercolors that are placed next to her own, she can animate and use. She can drink beverages you draw for her and wear any illustrated clothing. For example, if you draw a picture of a car, or put her near a drawing of one, she can transfer herself to that piece of paper and use it, but drawing other people doesn’t seem to work. She can also transfer herself to nearby oil paintings and comic books, basically any other hand-drawn piece of paper. She will then take on the appearance of whatever two-dimensional plane she just entered. If it’s an oil painting in a certain style, for example, that’s how she will appear on the page, orienting herself to fit the images on the paper. She cannot, however, transfer herself to photographs, cardboard, or parchment though.

SCP 5031 Alien Cook

Actually, the title of this one was called Just Another Murder Monster, and I found this story to be a lot of fun. This is a creature that was murderous and enraged when he first encountered humans, but over time his handlers taught him to rein in some of his hostility and began to provide less violent outlets for his energy. This resulted in his interest in cooking, where he discovered that he had a real talent, and has since become a top chef in the facility in which he is kept. He loves nothing more than whipping up exotic and complicated, tasty meals, and entertaining the workers at the facility.

This entire affair is complicated by the fact that he cannot be seen. He is completely invisible when you look at him. He is definitely a corporeal being and can manipulate matter around him. He simply can’t be seen by cameras, human eyes, or any other method of perception, so sitting in a room while an invisible monster makes incredibly delicious food for you has gotta be just a little bit weird.

SCP 458 The Pizza Box

It’s really just an anomalous pizza box filled with unending pizza of the opener’s choice. You close the box, say what type of pizza is wanted, and when you open the box, Voila!, you have the pizza that you asked for. The box is currently sitting in the breakroom of its containment facility, being enjoyed by all the employees.

That’s it really. It doesn’t produce horror pizzas or talk or anything, just makes a delicious pizza.

SCP 529 Josie The Half Cat

Yeah, there’s nothing at all horrifying about Josie. She’s basically your standard kitty, but she only has half a body. She runs around, plays, and eats like a normal cat as if her back half were present. No, it’s not invisible. It’s completely intangible. No, she’s not secretly a monster or anything, and just acts like a cat.

SCP 2952 The Long Good Boy

This SCP has to be one of the weirdest, cutest SCP’ in existence! It’s a seemingly small Welsh Pembroke Corgi whose body is actually thousands of miles long, with his head and upper body above ground in one country (the U.S.), his lower body emerging from underground in a different country (Japan), and various parts of the body showing aboveground in both urban and rural areas. Scratch his head and the other end reacts immediately.

The reason why he’s so long…he’s actually an underground fairy transportation system! Along his side are lots of little circular ports which turn out to be windows, and doorways to get on board. A human can enter by simply touching one of the portals which will shrink them to the appropriate size. Inside the little doggie are tiny people commuting to and from gob only knows where and an interior crafted from naturally occurring items like plants and trees! It is recommended that SCP personnel play with and pet the head because that is beneficial for the pupper’s morale.

The SCP made the mistake once of cutting off access to the tiny portals by covering the dog up at various locations and found themselves on the receiving end of some mafia-style tactics from a kind of fairy construction union, involving kidnappings, giant moles, Hawthorne berries, and the creative use of poison ivy.

The story is hilariously wild and everyone should probably go read up on it on the Wiki.

SCP 1230 I Am The Hero

This is probably one of the most wholesome SCPs out there. It’s an Gandalf-looking entity that has taken it upon itself to grant dreams to those who request them. The entity lives inside a special book, which bestows fantasy dreams on anyone who reads it. These dreams are based on a person’s deepest desires, but are not without the occasional issue, because someone with negative desires (like suicide) will find that dream granted to them when they sleep. The entity is an affable caring person who says he enjoys crafting fantasy worlds for dreamers and seems genuinely sad when the dream ends. He just wants people to be happy.

After reading a story in the book, the person goes to bed like normal but will have the most amazing and realistic dream where they are a heroic figure in a drama that is carefully crafted to fit their personality. The dreams seem to be as real as the waking world and the person will wake up feeling happy and refreshed. The book only works on beings with an imagination who are capable of having dreams

SCP 348 Comforting Soup Bowl

This SCP is also pretty wholesome and completely harmless. It’s a small white ceramic bowl, with blue decorations in it, that simply makes soup. Whenever anyone with a minor ailment, injury, or sadness gets near it, it will fill up with their favorite soup. If the person eats the soup (especially children) they will claim that the soup (no matter the flavor) made them feel better, or that it reminded them of the cooking of someone they loved. Sometimes, depending on their circumstances there will be a soothing parental message at the bottom of the bowl like, “Don’t forget to brush.” or, “I’m glad you’re happy.”, or “I love you.”

Next up in SCP posts: Inside the hierarchy of the SCP, and a list of rival organizations of interest!

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