My Favorite Memes of the Past Ten Years

What is a Meme?

meme is a virally-transmitted photograph that is embellished with text that pokes fun at a cultural symbol or social idea. The majority of modern memes are captioned photos that are intended to be funny, often as a way to publicly ridicule human behavior. Other memes can be videos and verbal expressions.

I spend a lot of time on Tumblr, which, much like Twitter, is meme central. Here’s a list of some of my all time favorite memes from the past ten years. I generally do not have a strong meme game, but I try.

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I love this one because this perfectly describes me and my mother’s relationship, when it comes to me talking about things like superheroes, and some of the movies I like. Of course, that’s me, on the right, when Mom is enthusiastically describing whatever happened on her soap operas that day…

I’ve seen this meme all over Tumblr, and quite frankly, it describes a lot of people’s relationships with any one of  their enthusiastically geeky family members. You just know that poor woman has no idea what the hell that girl is crying about, just like I have no idea of this meme’s origin story.

 

 

This is one of the many faces you simply cannot get away with making at your White co-workers because you will probably get written up or something. You can only do this face, when you’re discussing whatever nonsense you endured, to your Black friends, at some later date.

Here’s the thing, I have no idea what show this is from. I think it might be Parks & Rec, or The Office, but I’m not sure. I only know this guy’s face from this meme becasue I never watched either show. Its like that sometimes on Tumblr. I only know what has happened on a show I don’t watch through the gifs that appear on my dash.

 

 

Sometimes I do know a memes origins, and that’s why this is one of my favorites.This is from Quinta B’s short lived video series, about being an awkward Black girl, titled “Don’t Tell Me To Relax”. Quinta B is currently starring in The Black Lady Sketch Show on HBO, and she  is one of the funniest Black women in comedy.

I love this image because her facial expression is absolutely perfect. That is the expression you wear when you know you’re right, the other person has acknowledged that you are right, and  you  want to just be a smug asshole…

…or this is twelve year old me winning a game of Uno!

 

 

 

This is Linnethia Monique “NeNe” Leakes from the show, The Real Housewives of Atlanta, which I have never watched. I only know her from her gifs and memes. In fact, I never did find out what she “said” she said, but Nene is the meme of every emphatically correct Black woman on the internet. “Don’t explain back  to me what I just said. I know what I said!”

 

 

 

This one is called calculating woman. I have no idea where this is from, so I probably could use this meme, to explain my confusion, about who the hell this woman is.

I do know why I find this one funny.This is the look Black people wear when seeing White people do something inexplicable, like walking on the sidewalk in their bare feet.

 

 

I know these are two separate memes, but I have only ever seen the two of them paired together. I only like this because my mind is very literal when it comes to this set of images, although its pretty much used everywhere on Tumblr. I would be outraged if a smug little cat sat itself down at my dinner table, too. I also know that any cat would be completely unperturbed by me screaming at them.

 

 

 

The woman in this meme spoke about what it was like to actually become a meme. She says that although how its been used is pretty funny, it wasn’t about her squinting incredulously at anything. She said she made that face because, before this pose, she’d been in a kneeling position, and when she stood up, her knees hurt!

Either way, I can understand both of those moods.

 

 

 

I’ve only ever seen both these  memes used in conjunction with people complaining about  colonizing, or appropriation. They’re both so very different, but are almost always used to mean the same thing, often used in conjunction with the term Wypipo!

 

Bonus!

The “Some of You Have Never …And it Shows” Meme

Some Of You Have Never…

 

 

 

 

More Scary Mini-Movies

Hey, have some more short films involving horror and the supernatural.

 

Looking Glass

This one was a favorite of mine, mostly for its simple black and white style of animation, which is really very effective, and a  mirrorverse story is always gonna be especially creepy.

 

A Scary Short

I didn’t know whether to laugh at this or cry.  It’s not exactly scary, so much as it is the main character being deeply stupid, so  this will have you yelling at your computer screen. So yeah, this  definitely classifies as  a kind of  horror/comedy.

 

 

Mimic

Oh, this one is really creepy. I kept wondering if I’d posted this before though. If so, please forgive me because this is a really effective little movie.

 

 

Umbra

This isn’t scary in the “gotcha” kind of way, but in the slowness and surreality of dreams type of way. I loved this very simplistic animation here, which  worked very well for this odd little story.

 

 

Peripheral

Here’s something suitably bleak for Halloween.

 

 

 

The Passenger

More horror comedy. I can always be caught up by a good laugh, and a good scare, and I simply could not stop laughing at this.

 

 

Hambuster

This one is a repost from last year, because it’s one of my all-time favorites. Its gory,  disgusting, and utterly ridiculous!

Weekend Reading: Random Edition

Scarlett Johansson is at it again, signing up to play a transgender man, Dante Gill, in a movie called Rub and Tug, and directed by the same guy who fucked up the Ghost in the Shell movie. Apparently, these two  have not learned one damn thing about appropriating, and/or whitewashing, the stories of marginalized people. Why is this appropriation? Here, have an essay!

https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/07/scarlett-johansson-playing-a-trans-man-makes-no-sense.html

When Hollywood insists on casting across gender, it hurts trans people by reinforcing two ideas: First, that trans men are “really” women (and vice versa); and second, that trans people are always visibly trans. The idea that trans people are pretending to be something we’re not is at the root of most of the hatred we’re subjected to, hatred that sometimes leads to violence—

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I stumbled across this little post about the toll, that White people calling the police on random Black people, has on the police dispatch workers, who take these calls. I used to wonder what the hell the dispatchers were thinking when they received such calls, and it did indeed skip my mind, that a great many of them are Black, that they receive calls like this all day ,every day, (we only know about the ones that go viral) and they have no choice but to take the calls. She talks about what an emotionally draining job it is to be Black, and taking these types of calls, where the callers make no secret about WHY they are calling.

The woman who wrote this article clearly states that the reason these people are calling the police is they are racist bigots. The yare calling becasue they want Black people to be removed from spaces they think are theirs, or punished for being in that space. She also talks about how the police are required to answer every single call. They have no choice about it, and many of the cops she knows, are every bit as sick of these non-emergency calls, as the random Black people these calls affect, because they are a complete waste of their time.

https://www.vox.com/first-person/2018/5/30/17406092/race-911-white-lady-calls-police-on-black-family-bbq-oakland

You swallow your cold oatmeal, you roll your eyes at your cubicle mate, and you enter the call for eventual dispatch even though you wish you could pretend you never got it. (If you don’t enter the call and something happens, you could lose your job for negligence.) Then you grab the next call.

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That said, it is time for ALL OF us to hold a special day for Black people, to  call the police, on any random White person, that wanders into our orbIt. Why? Because we are some petty muthafuckas, who are tired of this bullshit! Karen got on yoga pants in the office? Call ’em! Don  looking at you with pursed lips or a smirk?That’s just suspicious! Call’em! Suzan getting too loud with her mega grande, cafe latte, half mocha decaf order at the Starbucks? Call’em! cuz she can’t possibly drink that much coffee, without passing out!

https://www.theroot.com/10-wypipo-we-need-to-call-the-cops-on-1827294334

8. Lena Dunham and Post Malone

They just make me feel uncomfortable.

 

Image result for call the police on white people

Image result for call the police on white people

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I cannot stress enough how important it is to watch Nannette, by Hannah Gadsby, available on Netflix now. Its probably one of the finest standups I’ve ever  watched, and I’ve seen some of the great ones. She is up there with Robin Williams, Whoopi Goldberg, when she was at the top of her career, and George Carlin. 

Hannah talks about being  transgender, and non-binary, while living in Tasmania, childhood bullying, the foundations of comedy, and the confluence of sexism and art.  It’s a really incredible piece of work, and although Gadsby  announced their retirement, from comedy, right in the middle of their special, I hope they change their mind, and continue to bring their insights to the rest of us.

https://newrepublic.com/article/149545/nanette-rewrites-history-art

 

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There’s a subset of men who hate women who call themselves MGTOWS (Men Going Their Own Way). Except there’s only one little problem. They don’t ever go their own way. What they do is sit on the internet harassing women, and spending endless hours fantasizing about the day women are going to need them.

Here’s an article about Women Going Their Own Way, and how they seem to actually be doing what their name suggests, which is going their own damn way, and not sitting around, obsessing about the men who won’t date them.

https://www.curbed.com/2018/6/20/17479740/living-alone-tips-women-advice

Solitude is often considered a privilege when we can afford to choose it and a punishment when it’s thrust upon us, and the same seems to extend to solo-living situations: Moving out to a place of one’s own for peace, quiet, and privacy is an occasion for congratulations, while living alone as a result of being abandoned or left behind is a much more pitiable affair. In other words, there’s an assertive, active image of living alone and there’s a sad, passive image of living alone.

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Just a little post about how the Greats of history became  great in the first place. They had servants to take care of their day to day shit, like washing things, and preparing food.

how the fuck did all of those renaissance dilettantes learn so much crap? Like they spoke 3 languages and were foremost in several branches of science, plus they wrote poetry, played the violin, and were master artists? And they still had time to be gay?

none of them ever did any laundry at all

The emotional and physical labor necessary to maintain the lifestyles of Renaissance and Enlightenment polymaths was shunted almost entirely to their uncredited servants, slaves, wives, and daughters.

Whenever we compare ourselves to the ‘genius men’ of the past, and wonder why we fall so short, remember this: their intellectual capacity, energy, and freedom was because there was someone else washing the damn dishes.

Source:

 

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We’ve all been there:

 

 

 

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We still feeling the effects of the Black Panther movie which was released months ago. Here Tiffany Haddish, from Girl’s Trip, spoofed one of the best fight scenes n the movie, when she hosted the BET Awards.

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You have to watch this whole video. I guarantee that you will not see where this video is going, and you will laugh your ass off. It’s a journey!

Here’s another of my favorite gang fight videos. If I had to see this then you have to see it!

 

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I am totally here for this EPIC Art feud between the artist, Stuart Semple, and his arch-nemesis, Anish Kapoor. Yes, you have to read the entire thing. This is a SAGA!

Alright sit down for some Art World Drama bcause this is what I live for.

So, sometime last year (?) science invented Vantablack, which is the darkest possible shade of black. Art world got incredibly excited. But as it needs to be very carefully made in a lab, it’s hard to get a hold of, and is extremely expensive. Enter Anish Kapoor, aka FuckFace McGee. Anish Kapoor buys the rights to Vantablack. He is the only human being on the planet that can legally use it, and he’s kind of a prick about it.

Art world is not thrilled with that.

Enter Stuart Semple.

Stuart Semple is an artist, and also makes pigments to sell in his free time. Stuart Semple is astoundingly pissed about this Vantablack nonsense, and Anish Kapoor’s dickery. Stuart Semple makes a new pigment, the brightest shade of pink ever, called Pinkest Pink, and puts it for sale on the internet. To be bought by everybody except Anish Kapoor. Literally, to purchase, you need to confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, do not associate with him, and will not sell or give the pigment to Anish Kapoor or his associates. Art world has a good laugh, everyone buys Pinkest Pink because it’s awesome, and damn it we deserve something.

Anish Kapoor however is a penis, and will not take this lying down, because HOW DARE he not have literally everything.

Anish Kapoor gets his London associates to buy him a thing of Pinkest Pink, and being such a classy human being, posts a picture to instagram of him with his middle finger covered in Pinkest Pink, captioned with “Up yours. #pink”

Everyone flips shit, because. Y’know. Fuck that guy. Especially Stuart Semple. For context here, Anish Kapoor is one of the richest artists on the planet, and has repeatedly been referred to as everything wrong with the art world, and the epitome of the art worlds elitism problem. He’s a giant douchebag. Meanwhile Stuart Semple makes pigments just to get them out there. He turns 0 profit from his now enourmously popular pigments.

Stuart Semple launches an investigation as to who the fuck leaked Pinkest Pink, and plans to strike back. He does so by releasing two new products. First is Diamond Dust, which is a glitter made from glass, so that a painting is still visible after it’s applied, but glitters like a mofo. It’s the most reflective glitter out there, and is available to everyone who isn’t Anish Kapoor. And it being made of glass, if you stick your finger in there, it’s going to hurt quite a bit, so that was Stuart Semple’s way of saying “shove your middle finger in this, asshole, see what happens”. Except without saying that, because he can get an insult across while still being fucking classy.

He also releases Black 2.0, created with the help of over a thousand artists worldwide.

Black 2.0 is the answer to Vantablack. Black 2.0 is a slightly less black black, but looks functionally the same to the human eye. It’s completely safe, smells like cherries, and costs four pounds. Vantablack is highly toxic, potentially explosive, needs to be applied in a special laboratory and sealed properly, can’t be moved across borders, can reach 300 degrees celsius if you’re not extremely careful, and costs thousands of dollars. Anish Kapoor is the only human being who can use Vantablack. He is the only human being who cannot use Black 2.0.

So I think we can guess who got the better deal.

And thus the feud ends, Kapoor defeated.

…But not quite.

Kapoor, in this entire afair, has made exactly two comments to the public. The first being his charming message about aquiring Pinkest Pink, the second being claiming to Buzzfeed that he and his small army of lawyers will be suing Semple, an extremely poor artist who cannot afford a lawyer.

No lawsuit has been made yet, fyi.

The point is, Kapoor is a prick, and doesn’t like talking to the lower classes. So one day in July 2017, he decides he needs another floor on his London studio apartment, and starts making arrangements to have it built. His neighbors are fucking pissed, because this will ruin the light of their apartments. They call to Semple to save them, or at the very least piss Kapoor off some more.

Semple answers to the call, and releases two new paints, Phaze and Shift, as always, banned to Kapoor. They change colours, Phaze with temperature, and Shift is just iridescent. Shift needs to be painted over Black 2.0 to work, and Phaze just works on its own.

So that’s been the art world for the last two years.

Basically, get fucked Anish Kapoor your bean sucks and so does your vantablack.

Stuart Semple is organising a bean-kissing event for Anish Kapoor’s birthday.

 

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We are probably not supposed to be talking about the link between the Dark Monster Below, (Bless His Forthcoming Eternal Reign), and his devoted disciples, the Bi-Sexuals! Question: Does being an LGBTQ ally make you complicit in the Dark Monster’s eventual takeover of Earth?

I’m just asking.

bistuffandthings Deactivated

“Bisexual women get energy from other women and then turn around and put that energy into working out their relationships with men”

Can anyone even explain what this means? What is this “energy”??

bistuffandthings Deactivated

Bi women perform seances to absorb the youth of past wlw which they use to appear more attractive to men

merengae Deactivated

A bi woman once absorbed all my energy and i couldnt help goku form a spirit bomb

But it’s a huge hassle, handling your Dark Bisexual Powers.  Especially when you’re new to it all.  Like, say you date five girls in a week.  That gets you at least ten (10) POWER ORBS.  You store them in your body and if you’re not careful they’re released whenever you come into contact with any man.

I’m just saying that when I was thirteen, I shook a guy’s hand and he exploded.

We should note- this only applies to bi women. Bisexual men on the other hand, drain the energy from literally everyone around them to feed to the Dark Monster Below, may his day of rising come soon.

I can neither confirm nor deny these facts, in the name of the Dark Monster Below, may His Calamity anoint us all.

I’m just gonna clarify that while bi woman don’t necessarily feed energy to the Dark Monster Below, we still Await Its Coming.

Everything you need to know about bisexuals!

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I was laughing about these photos for days. And yeah, I’d have a fucking heart attack, at the thought of my nieces and nephews playing on one of these contraptions. I mean, look at these things. They are massive constructs designed for children to play on. Parents really didn’t give a shit whether or not their kids lived or died back then, I guess. Talk about the literal “Survival of the Fittest”!

 

source: https://insh.world/history/playground-equipment-of-yesterday-that-would-give-todays-parents-cold-sweats/

 

Black Panther Humor

I think you heard about those attempts to get White people to NOT go see the Black Panther movie, by posting false images of White people who’d gotten beat-downs for showing up at the theaters. It seems the template  these assholes were working from, came from the 80s, when a couple of movie theaters in California had riots at a showing of Spike Lee’s Do The Right Thing. For the past thirty years White bigots (and the news media, but really, what’s the difference) have been desperately hoping that something like would happen again.

Now you know,  once Black Twitter got wind of this, it was all bets are off. They really should’ve known better than to come for BP with that nonsense. 

— All these tweets were instantly and easily debunkedreverse image lookup toolsmake it easy to trace how the pictures of the bleeding “victims” were taken from stock-footage sites, TV shows, or legitimate news stories about domestic assault or other real attacks. Twitter users begin rapidly vetting each new false assault claim, responding to the posters by revealing their image sources. Twitter has suspended some of the accounts posting false assault claims.

https://www.theverge.com/2018/2/19/17029742/black-panther-fake-assault-stories-twitter-response-mockery-humor

But the  tweet to end  all other tweets, was this magnificent response, that for some reason, made me picture John Boyega in one of the lead roles. Brace yourself for  the funniest true life story on the internetz, involving a robot, time travel, babadooks,  and the monster from It Follows. This needs to be a movie now.

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Black Nerd Problems had to get in on this post by discussing, in humorous detail, how each member of the writing  staff was getting ready for The Ascension:

Image result for wakanda

Passport To Wakanda: How To Get Your Black Ass Ready For An Audience With The King

— To get back to my birthright, I’ve changed my name to something with a Z and an apostrophe in it. I have taken to wearing hoods everywhere I go, so I can look mysterious. When it is cold, I also wear a cape. I open my corporate emails with “To the People,” and close them with “For Wakanda”. My boss is too scared to ask me why. I bought a staff and a spear, which I practice with in the backyard. Well, maybe not “practice”. Ok, I *have* a staff and a spear. Actual practice would tire me out before the movie comes. I thought about using them to go out and solve crimes—I love Black Detective Twitter and NCIS: Los Angeles (the one with LL Cool J) but this ain’t Wakanda yet. This place won’t let me be great, but one day, one day soon… – Leslie

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In the new trailer for Infinity War, Okoye got jokes:

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People are getting funny on Youtube:

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Sometimes y’all just mean:

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We got memes:

When life imitates art.

Image result for black panther got jokes

And there’s even a Black Panther Dance Challenge:

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On a more serious note, have more essays:

https://www.peoplesworld.org/article/black-panther-villain-killmonger-is-a-symbol-of-black-pain/

https://rollingout.com/2018/02/22/black-panthers-killmonger-character-offers-painful-reflection-black-america/

https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/features/black-panther-chadwick-boseman-ryan-coogler-cover-story-w516853

Ten Scary Short Horror Movies

Well, it’s almost Halloween and so naturally, as it does every other day of the year, my mind turns toward scary movies. I can’t out a whole movie on here but I can share with you some of my favorite short films. I like monsters, so most of these have monsters. I like comedies, so some of them are funny and there’s a couple of these that scared the living shit outta m
This movie infuriated me, especially after I realized what was actually happening:

Don’t Move

 

 

You guys know I’m not a  fan of spiders, so I was reluctant to watch this one, but it just so happens it has a surprisingly funny ending:

Itsy Bitsy Spiders

 

 

I saw this one last year, and it stuck in my mind for a whole year, but I’d forgotten where I’d seen it, and the title. It took me some time to find it again, and it’s still scary:

Ghost Story

 

 

Yeah, this one is very, very, creepy:

Mimic

 

 

Yeah, this one is creepy but hilarious, and I think I remember this song from my childhood.

The Cat Came Back

 

 

This is a little longer than the others but it’s worth the wait and it’s  funny.

Waiting

 

 

This one isn’t particularly scary but it has zombies in it and I thought it was deeply cute:

Less Than Human

 

 

Here’s a slightly different haunted house story:

Vienna Waits For You

 

 

This isn’t what it seems:

Midnight Snack

 

 

Okay, this is the one that made me actually scream  out loud:

The Thing In The Apartment

 

Hope you enjoyed these. I’ll have some more on Halloween!

 

 

 

 

Discussions and Linkspam (October 2017)

So it is officially October, which means its time for me to start watching and reviewing horror movies. Its also the start of Pilot season, with new and old shows premiering on network TV. I’ve already watched the new season premiere of The Exorcist and I liked that, along with episodes of The Orville. I have not yet watched The Gifted, and I simply skipped The Inhumans. I may check out the second episode of it though. There are also a few movies I’ll be reviewing this month, too.

 

Image result for fury Road gifs

Mad Max: Fury Road and Disability

https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/from-louis-armstrong-to-the-nfl-ungrateful-as-the-new-uppity/amp

View at Medium.com

http://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/2015/06/mad-max-fury-road-makes-rape-arguments-invalid/

http://www.popmatters.com/feature/194573-power-and-disability-in-mad-max-fury-road1/

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Black Issues:

When I was watching American Gods, we got to see penises all over the place. The show did not shy away from depicting them, but one thing that was absent was any sign of Ricky Whittle’s (as he is the only Black man in the show. ) I do recall a full frontal Black male in Westworld, and I was kinda shocked. Not because of what it was, but because it’s so rare.

Don’t laugh! This is important. #Allblackpenisesmatter!

Yeah, this is a pretty good reason why I don’t, and have never watched almost anything on CBS. (I used to watch the Big Bang Theory until I began to really, really, hate every single one of the main characters on that show.) Nevertheless CBS is very possibly one of the Whitest networks.

https://www.salon.com/2016/05/22/cbs_is_the_gop_of_tv_the_networks_year_of_white_men_coincides_all_too_well_with_the_rise_of_donald_trump/

 

“Ungrateful” is the new Uppity: I don’t think there are enough words to unpack all of the meaning in the word ungrateful. It says far too much about the person using it.

https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/from-louis-armstrong-to-the-nfl-ungrateful-as-the-new-uppity/amp

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Image result for grits food gifs

From VerySmartBrothers/The Root

These are some of the funniest articles I read last week:

This is an all important discussion on grits. I guess I must be pretty boujie because I will eat grits with sugar and lot and lots of butter, but  I don’t actually care all that much because I will eat grits with anything in them really. Bacon, sugar, cheese, butter, I don’t really care. For me, grits is the main meal.

http://verysmartbrothas.theroot.com/sugar-on-grits-are-the-white-people-of-breakfast-grains-1818998656

 

I think the author of this piece left out the all-important body language portion of this discussion, because “clapping” is key here. If any portion of these phrases is accompanied by measured clapping, especially during the phrasing, then you best just start planning your funeral,  cuz its already too late.

http://verysmartbrothas.theroot.com/threatening-black-phrases-ranked-1818770473

 

It turns out I have quite a bit of Black Privilege, especially #s 18, 16, and 15. Hell, I can’t fight worth a darn, but apparently I look like I can, and have two sisters (and a brother) who love to throw down.

http://verysmartbrothas.theroot.com/types-of-black-privilege-ranked-1818633495

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Everything Wrong with The Big Bang Theory

 

I started watching this show as a favor to a friend who was really into it, and I enjoyed it for a while. When it first aired, I avoided it because I did not like Penny, and after I started watching it regularly, there were a whole host of things I began to actively hate about the show. One of the first things that worked my last nerve was my ideas about  Penny were correct. Penny is a dumb, incurious, basic Becky, with a certain amount of snark, a that snark is only used in service of making fun of the male nerds of the show. 

But my greatest issues were the show’s depiction of  women, and its treatment of  Raj. To a one, every single woman on the show has nothing but disdain, and contempt, for the nerdy pursuits of the primary characters, and I found it very telling that the show’s writers could not imagine any women who were nerds in the same way the male characters were nerds.

That most of these women are in STEM (Science Technology, Engineering, and Math) fields is not a good substitute for their complete lack of appreciation (and even hatred) for nerd culture. Outside of wanting to be princesses at Disney world, the women are shown as humorless, cultureless, unimaginative nags, who only seem to want sex and marriage. This is a white male nerd’s idea of what women are like and it is wholly inaccurate. Also there are absolutely no women of color on the show (beyond Raj’s sister in the earlier seasons, who seemed to be the template for this.) The showrunners simply could not envision a world where women could be, pretty,  involved in STEM, and actually like and appreciate Star Trek, and Disney princesses too (which is impossible, because every woman I’ve ever known in, also STEM loves Star Trek.)

As for the main characters though:

 

*Here are essays on how the masculinity in Fight Club has a direct bearing on the philosophies of the Alt-Right and Charlottesville. This also ties into my theories of how pop cultural depictions of anti-heroes are often adopted by fringe elements, of White male society, to represent their ideas. Characters like Tyler Durden, and The Joker, get to be the public icons of their philosophies, in the same way that Black gangsta rap culture adopted the mafia figures from movies like The Godfather, and 1980s Scarface.

https://www.theguardian.com/books/booksblog/2016/dec/13/fight-clubs-dark-fantasies-reality-chuck-palahniuk

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/fight-club-2-chuck-palahniuk_us_5845c35ae4b028b32338a632

http://thefederalist.com/2017/03/30/why-fight-club-still-matters/

View at Medium.com

View at Medium.com

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*Recently on Tumblr there was a discussion of the difference in reception of the movies Rough Night, about a group of White women who get into a night of adventures while partying in the city, and Girl’s Trip, which is about a group of Black women doing the same thing while on a trip to New Orleans. Rough Night was a complete flop, while Girl’s Trip went on to make millions and was a huge hit. Both films have nearly identical premises. Leaving aside the racial aspects, the discussion evolved into the depiction of sex workers in both movie’s narratives, and how sex workers are often mistreated in film and TV. Real world sex workers are often subjects of disdain, contempt, abuse and murder, and it was considered irresponsible for Rough Night to show the death, and humiliation of a male sex worker, as a source of comedy.

“First thing’s first: Strippers are people, and sex workers unfortunately have to tirelessly remind people of this over and over. ‘Sex workers are very marginalized groups of people who don’t have the same workplace safety and rights as other workers—and we get murdered a lot,’” says Arabelle Raphael, a porn performer and sex worker in Los Angeles. ‘Our lives are seen as disposable.’ A long-term mortality study on sex workers found that active sex workers have a mortality rate of 459 per 100,000 people—to put that in perspective, the general public mortality rate is around 1.9 per every 100,000 people.”

http://www.vocativ.com/409744/rough-night-film-trailer-draws-ire-of-sex-workers-and-allies/

https://ww2.kqed.org/pop/2017/06/20/does-rough-nights-box-office-flop-indicate-a-cultural-shift-in-how-we-see-sex-workers/

http://affinitymagazine.us/2017/03/09/rough-night-a-comedy-about-murder-and-abuse-of-male-sex-workers/

Laughs For Your Weekend

 

Well, this was a nice photo to greet me on my Tumblr dash. The first shot of Misty Knight with her new Prosthetic arm. Now its not the golden one from the comic books (maybe we’ll see that one later?), but I can see these shows leading to another teamup called Daughters of the Dragon, which stars Misty and Colleen Wing, or even a version of Heroes for Hire.

I still don’t like the idea of a relationship between Danny Rand and Misty, which is what happened in the comic books, but these shows have been changed enough from canon, that that may never come to pass onscreen (and the two of them are no longer together in the comic books, as of a couple years ago.)

This is a scene from season two of Luke Cage, which I’m really looking forward to. It’s unclear if Misty is still a detective, but she’s still hanging with the heroes. I do still  prefer her bouffant from The Defenders, though.

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*Like we need drugged up dolphins. They’re bad enough sober…

did u kno dolphins puff puff pass:

 

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You have to read the entire thread this came from. I can guarantee, after you read it, you will never again watch this video without thinking about it. NSFW!!! This whole damn thread, including the comments will have you crying at your job.

The Brrrrddott part had me in tears!

 

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*Welp!

Hey people who know astrology shit. I’ve been having a lot of feelings lately. Any planets I can blame that on.

 

 

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*I think this pretty much sums up the entirety of this blog!

reblogged from

me: man i love this series
me: here’s a 40-page annotated essay on everything i hate about it. every misstep i believe the creators have ever made, complete with citations and a signed drawing of me punching the installment i hate the most in the face
me: still love it tho

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*This squirrel discourse is truly what Tumblr is all about!

 

like u ever seen some squirrels fightin in a tree and then one of them will chase the other out of it and keep the fight going in another tree like damn b you won YOU WON MY NIGGA CHILL

 

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*Shit, I would smack Taylor Swift, Kim Kardashian, and Kendall Jenner,  for just 8 dollars, 35 cents, and the entertainment factor…

Plenty of others seem to agree.

I would do it for free tbh

*I would pay $5 to slap the shit out of her

 

I’d smack her for a hershey cookies n cream bar

 

I’d slap her for free and collect the money regardless tbh

 

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*This man is speaking my life…

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*I love Black people…!

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*This post would not be complete without some Iron Fist/Danny Rand shade…

allmisfittoyswelcomehere asked:

Danny rand is a Chihuahua: 50% unnecessary anger and 50% shaking

 

*I miss SNL, sometimes. This had me laughing so hard, I needed some aspirin…

 

“Do I get stress headaches at work? Yes, definitely. From the moment I get in, it’s “Denise we need this! Denise we need that!” Which is stressful… ‘cause my name is Linda. Denise is the other black woman that works here.

By 10am, someone in the copy room makes a joke about Kobe Bryant, and everyone looks at me to make sure it’s ok. And I smile like it’s ok. But really, my head and neck are starting to throb.

Then I spend the rest of my afternoon training my interns, and answering their questions, like, “Yes, black people use shampoo”, and, “No, I don’t know any good reggae clubs around here”, and, “Yes, Condoleezza Rice is very articulate, why do you sound so surprised?” And, “No, I can’t tell you where to buy weed!” And that’s when I reach for Excedrin.”

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*Okay, I also propose we just start doing this to every White person that does this thing…

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*Yeah, I asked myself these questions, too. Who gon’ turn down Malala, The Nobel Peace Prize winning teenager?

Okay of course I’m happy that Malala got accepted to Oxford, but I really want to know more!

What did she write for her personal essay- “Just google me bitches”?

Did she have to do an interview and if so did she just plonk her nobel peace prize down on the table?

Did her student counselor advise her to apply to other crappier places just in case she wasn’t accepted?

Was there anyone who actually turned down freaking Malala Yousafzai, I need to know!!

 

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*Here, have some funny photos. Feel free to caption any or all of them

 

 

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Spiderman Homecoming

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Just in case you hadn’t guessed, there are going to be lots of spoilers. I’m basically gonna be talking about the plot, in detail. So if you haven’t seen this movie, its time to check out of this post, right now.

I’ll wait for you to come back!

 

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So yeah! I went to see Spiderman Homecoming this weekend, along with about a million other people, because Spiderman totally blew the fuck up this weekend. There are some movies that I get a good feel for their success, and others not so much, but this one I felt good about.  This is an instinct  that’s based entirely on my own own enthusiasm for a movie, so it’s not some infallible thing, where I’m always right.

And yeah, the movie is every bit as entertaining as everyone says it is. I took The Potato with me, and she seemed to really enjoy herself. It isn’t a very deep movie, but I wasn’t expecting depth from a Spiderman movie, so that’s okay. I don’t require every movie be an intellectual exercise, (just Christopher Nolan’s.) Sometimes you just want a movie to be a lot of fun, or bring the feels, and Spiderman does both of those. I found myself more interested in the relationships and dialogue, than the action scenes, although those were good too. I’m also glad to see that they didn’t do an origin story. We’ve had a bunch of those already.

I don’t normally see movies with teenagers in them, as most of the time they aren’t written very realistically as teens, and they always look like people with mortgages. I’ll tolerate a high school setting for the sake of a good story, but I generally don’t seek out material with that setting, on purpose.That said, I really enjoyed this because these are some of the most realistically written teens I’ve seen in a movie. I especially enjoyed these kid’s relationships with their parents, and the parents relationships to their kids, which is often written as being fraught with emotional drama, with sullen and unlikable teens. I even liked most of the kids. I liked that they looked, dressed, and acted like kids, instead of runway models, or future serial killers.


Most of the drama remains between Peter and  Michael Keaton, as The Vulture, or Peter messing up a situation that was already under control, because he wants so badly to be a superhero. Tony tells him he’s not ready for the big leagues, even though he was the one who picked Peter to go fight Captain America, in Civil War. So Peter gets a taste of the big time, and because he doesn’t believe Tony believes in him, ends up proving Tony’s point, that he’s not ready. When he almost gets all the people on the Staten Island Ferry killed through his interference, Tony takes away the suit he gave him at the end of Civil War, and  Peter spends the rest of the movie trying to prove he’s worthy. There’s a not insignificant portion of the movie spent with Peter trying to figure out how to work the suit. His origin story is glossed over in a few lines. We don’t even get a flashback, for which I remain grateful.

The Vulture is not one of my favorite villains from the comic books. (That would be Dr. Octopus) but I liked him okay, mostly due to Keaton’s ability to sell being warm and friendly, while also being  pantshittingly scary. There’s a scene, just before the Homecoming Dance, when he figures out that Peter is Spiderman, and confronts Peter about his secret identity, that scared the bejeebus out of me. You expect the typical events to occur, where he threatens Pete’s friends and family, or holds Aunt May hostage during the Homecoming Dance, and then Peter spends the rest of the movie trying to rescue somebody. Thankfully the writers skip over all that, and the fight remains between The Vulture and Spiderman to the end.

This  is indeed one of the most diverse MCU movies, I’ve ever seen, though I’m still mad about Miles Morales not being Spiderman. It’s like the MCU is punking us, or something. But there’s hope for a future teamup between the two Spider-men, because Miles’ uncle gets a funny cameo and mentions his nephew. The central characters are still white guys, but the PoC are not ill treated,  and get lots of screen time. None of them are developed characters, because it’s a pretty huge cast, and the movie is already two and a half hours, and the focus is all on Peter’s character. Peter’s teen crush, Liz, gets almost no character beyond being pleasant and pretty, for example. She is bi-racial, and I think it’s intriguing that   this movie shows two white men being  romantically interested in Black women. Peter’s best friend is Ned, who gets a little bit more character work, and is played by Jacob Batalon. He was a lot of fun and gets almost as much screen time as Tom Holland.


There are a number of characters I really enjoyed and I’m going to go through this by the  character names:

Aunt May – Marisa Tomei

I really liked Marisa Tomei’s version of Aunt May, who is supportive and funny. I still have no idea what she does for a living but she is apparently well known in the neighborhood as a hottie. It’s referred to a couple of times but not to the level where it becomes creepy. Also, she’s not prone to the speechifying of the Aunt May from the first  Spiderman movies with Tobey McGuire. I sometimes got tired of hearing her talk, even if what she said was supposed to be inspiring.

At no point, in this narrative, do they  damsel Aunt May, for which I am eternally grateful. At one point Peter,who has been invited to the Homecoming Dance by the girl of his dreams, Liz, enlists Aunt May’s help in getting him ready. She gets him a suit, teaches him to tie his tie,  and even teaches him how to boogie. That poor boy can’t dance a lick, though. aunt May can at least keep a beat.

 

Ned – Jacob Batalon

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Ned gets almost as much screen time, as he’s Peter’s best friend, and is the first person to find out he’s Spiderman. Jacob is just as charming as Tom Holland and I totally fell in love with his cute, little nerdy self, with his Legos, and his big mouth, although my niece wasn’t too impressed with him, though. He manages to get Peter into trouble with his peers,  because he’s so excited that he’s friends with Spiderman. Earlier in the movie, he asks Peter if he can be Spiderman’s “Man in the Chair”, who gives the hero instructions while in the field, and during the Homecoming scene, he, very happily, gets  his big chance.

Jennifer Connolly is the voice of Karen, The Spidey Suit

She talks to Peter through his Spiderman suit, and even she gets a couple of great lines. The suit’s voice is something that was added just for the film. In most of the comic books, Peter’s suit isn’t made by Tony Stark and doesn’t talk much. (There is an alternate version of Spiderman, in a gold and red suit, that was created by Stark, but he’s not Spiderman Prime, as it were.)

 Adrian Toomes – Michael Keaton

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Keaton plays the movie’s least funny character. But he’s also a sympathetic character, having lost his salvage and demolition business to Stark’s politicking. In the aftermath of The Avengers movie, there’s a lot of cleaning up to do, and Toomes set himself, and his crew, to be a salvage team. Unfortunately, a lot of the salvage is alien technology, that really shouldn’t be in the hands of civilians, and during the course of the movie you can see why, as the civilians use this technology to act a fool, lose control of the technology, and occasionally even lose track of it.

Adrian is also Liz’ Dad, which Peter doesn’t find out until half the movie is over, and he’s already asked her to the Homecoming. All three are sitting in the car, on the way to the dance, when it slowly begins to dawn on Adrian that Peter is Spiderman. Talk about tense and Awkward!!!

Toomes is married to Garcelle Beauvais, and he’s a great father, he loves his family, and is dedicated to taking care of them. His argument that he is only making money by selling weapons, the same way Tony’s family made theirs, is justifiable, and I didn’t have a problem with his reasoning, up to a point. My problem is that he and his garage buddies are stealing the technology,  and they aren’t qualified to handle alien tech. At one point he accidentally kills one of his people (Shocker #1) because he grabs the wrong weapon. Can you imagine your dumb-assed  neighbor cobbling together some alien tech in his garage? I think not!

 

Shocker #2 – Bokeem Woodbine

When Shocker #1 gets killed, Bokeem’s character inherits his weapon. I really like this actor, and I’m semi-interested in seeing him become one of Peter’s Rogues Gallery, which is what they call Spiderman’s regular coterie of bad guys, in the comic books. Most of Spiderman’s villains, who insist on jumping in and out of prison, have animal names, but the Shocker is something of a change from Dr. Octopus, The Scorpion, The Vulture, Chameleon, Black Cat, The Goblin, Rhino. That said, I would love it if Kraven the Hunter showed up in one of Spidey’s movies, or the life-eating Morlun, who is a kind of ageless, spiritual vampire. But so far, all we got is  Shocker.

Coach Wilson – Hannibal Buress

Hannibal Buress gets a funny turn as Peter’s gym coach, who is also the head of detention. What few scenes he gets are hilarious like when he’s required to show Captain America’s stupid PSAs in his class, while he briefly wonders; isn’t the Captain a Federal criminal, now?

 

Michelle – MJ – Zendaya

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I’m surprised to say that this is one of my favorite characters in the entire movie and I wasn’t expecting that. She is funny as hell, and although she’s not in a lot of scenes, she steals almost every one of them, due mostly to Zendaya’s comedic timing and delivery. The Potato loves her Disney show, KC Undercover, and was delighted to see her.

She’s just a  funny weirdo in the movie and I loved her. She shows up to detention, and when Coach Wilson asks why she’s there because she doesn’t even  have detention, she says she likes to come there because she likes drawing people in crisis. She then shows him a picture she drew of him. That just tickles the hell outta me, and makes me wish I had thought of doing that when I was in art school. Later, when Peter is looking depressed in class, she flips over her paper to show him  the drawing she did of him. I think this tickled the rest of the audience.

Oh ,and it actually turns out that the filmmakers lied about Zendaya being Mary Jane. She’s basically a future Mary Jane with a new name, Michelle. I guess they did that to throw off the scent of the idiot fan-guys who protested making Mary Jane a Black girl. Yes, her hair is annoying for the entire movie.

She claims to be unaffected by her high school life but you get the impression she really does have a low-key crush on Peter. She pays a lot of attention to him, even though she claims she doesn’t care,  telling the class she doesn’t have a crush on him, and is just highly observant. What a strange girl.

Flash Thompson is played by Tony Revolori, and he’s every bit as annoying as you’d expect a bully to be, but is also deeply funny, often referring to Peter as Penis Parker, and gleefully wondering when Peter will be expelled. You get the impression that he’s not bullying Peter because he has some deep dark secret in his home life, because its not really that kind of bullying. This version of Flash isn’t a jock, because its not that type of school, so his teasing of Peter is mostly due to academic rivalry, more than anything else.

Compared to the comic books this is the one most like the 90s comic books, and the Mark Millar version. This is one of the funniest Spiderman movies, too. The MCU understands this character the best, and how they’d like to depict him, and it shows. The original movie, starring Tobey MacGuire, had its moments, and I particularly enjoyed the second movie with Dr. Octopus, but Peter wasn’t funny in any of them. He was hapless, and a loser, but he didn’t make me laugh, even if the supporting cast was hugely funny. This Peter is a loser, but not in a depressing sort of way, like the Raimi version. The movie manages to remain lighthearted, even when Peter is being put into embarrassing ethical positions by his friends. This version of Peter is hapless because of his intensity, not because life seems to have it in for him.

The second iteration of Spiderman, with Andrew Garfield, brought a lot of feels, and I really liked those movies but, once again, they were not very funny, although funnier than McGuire’s version. The humor level drops  a notch  when this Peter  is in costume, but that’s okay, because its hard to  drop quips, when you’re getting your ass kicked. I’m glad the humor isn’t limited to the rest of the cast, though, and that Peter  remembers to be funny when he’s in costume.

But the most charming moments  occur at the beginning of the movie, when we pick up the story, with Tony recruiting him to go fight the other Avengers in Civil War. Normally, I don’t pay a whole lot of attention to large battle scenes in movies, but that scene in Civil War is, hands down,  one of the funniest fights I’ve ever seen in an American action movie.  Peter’s narration of it just gives it a new dimension of silliness. Peter is such a goofy mess, a hyperactive 10 year-old, as he personally films the event, which he’s not supposed to be doing. Incidentally, Tony’s presence in this movie goes a long way towards making up for recruiting a 14 year-old boy into his Avengers war, but yeah, I’m still mad at Tony for lying to Peter about why. Just add that to the list of things that make you wish Tony would catch these hands.

Oh, and you should stick around long enough to get trolled by, of all people, Captain America, who made me roll my eyes twice while he lectured the audience on the virtues of patience. That’s totally NOT funny guys!😜

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So yeah, I really, really liked this movie. It’s better than The Amazing Spiderman 2, and that Raimi production, Spiderman #3, even though I’m one of the five people who seemingly  liked that one. On the other hand it’s just not as good as the Tobey McGuire’s Spiderman 2, because that one starred Otto Octavius and it’s hard to top a good villain. The creators do need to stop making Spiderman films for a little while, though. I don’t want to see any more Spiderman movies until he’s in college. If you haven’t seen Spiderman Homecoming yet, I’d definitely recommend it.

The next movie I’d like to see is Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets. I may not get the chance to see that, however, for budgetary reasons, but Me, Mom, and The Potato, will definitely be sitting in the theater for The Dark Tower on August 4th.

Tumblr Funnies

*Tumblr is great for story prompts about alien contact, and hair dye:

lady-of-greenwood:

patternofdefiance:

just-a-kind-of-magic:

Imagine being a human in an alien crew in space and leaving with bright blue or pink hair and the color fades and everybody on board wonders WHY you are losing your colors??? Is it the lack of greens? Are you sad? Angry? They just don’t know??

“Human-Kelly may we have a moment of your time?”

Kelly pauses in her inventorying of the photo-synth plates she’ll be installing after today’s cycle ends. “It’s just Kelly, hellot-Halzar, you don’t have to acknowledge my species every time we talk.” She smiles. “That’s not considered rude for us.”

“Very well hu—Kelly. Erm. May we have a moment of your time?” Many eyes blink earnestly at her.

“Sure. What’s up?”

hellot-Halzar considers. “May we discuss the structural nature of the ship interior and gravity-derived reference values at a later date? At this moment we would like to inquire as to the nature of your corporeal change.”

“Yeah sure—wait my what?”

“There is a mess hall wager.”

“About my –?”

“Concerning your strands,” hellot-Halzar says, gesturing.

“My….hair.” Kelly runs a hand through it. It’s purple as of two ship days ago. “Ok?”

“We wish to know whether the colour change signifies mood, nutritional intake variance, or ….erm….whether your mating season status has changed.”

“My mating season status, huh?” Kelly lifts an eyebrow.

“Yes.”

“Did Jerry put you up to this?”

“Human-Jerry refused to answer our questions about your strands, citing some phenomenon known to your homeworld as ‘famine in missed eek’.”

Kelly snorted. “Tell Jerry he can shove his archaic ideas about ‘feminine mystique’ where M-series stars don’t shine. As for your bet: sorry, it’s none of the above. I changed my hair because my last box of dye was about to expire and because I felt like it.”

hellot-Halzar considers. “chinret-Zer wins then, by technicality: that reason falls within acceptable parameters for ‘mood’.”

“I suppose it does.” Kelly pauses. “Who bet on the ‘mating season’ one?”

“Hmm?” hellot-Halzar had already turned to go and deliver the verdict. They turn one set of eyes back. “Oh that would be Drannuc. He said he smelled a difference in you.”

“Delightful,” Kelly says, instead of explaining menstruation and how that can affect mood, diet, and that technically it correlates to what most of the species on the ship would consider a mating season.
“Next time, instead of betting, maybe just ask questions? And not Jerry. He’s a jerk.”

“Reclassifying human-Jerry as jerk-Jerry. We will approach you with all human queries from now on,” hellot-Halzar says and then continues on their way.

Probably for the best, she thinks with a lopsided grin, and then continues sorting the photo-synth plates to install on her space walk tomorrow.

“Reclassifying human-Jerry as jerk-Jerry”

Pure. There is no other word.

Source: just-a-kind-of-magic

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*Tumblr is great for story prompts about ghostly roommates:

tygermama:

agwitow:

just-shower-thoughts:

If a ghost can open cupboards and break things, why not just take a pencil, find paper, write exactly why it’s unhappy, and tape the message on the fridge.

It just became second nature to close all the cupboards first thing in the morning (even though they’d been closed the night before). Which was when things escalated from banging cupboard doors to actually breaking things.

Faucets, door handles, curtain rods ripped from the wall… all the repairs started to add up.

“Look, I didn’t mind having an ethereal roommate, but I can’t afford to keep fixing all this shit. Here’s a pencil and some paper. Just write what’s bothering you–I doubt you could put anything that would be more expensive than having a plumber come out to replace all the faucets again.”

The next morning there’s a scrawl line at the top of the page that devolved into an angry scribbling mess that tore through the page. Two cupboard doors were entirely ripped off.

“I don’t want to get someone in to banish you, but this is ridiculous. Just tell me what you want.”

The second piece of paper is ripped into shreds and several knives are embedded in the wall.

A careful examination of the paper scraps show that it had the same scribbles as the first piece.

A quick trip to the library and a stop at a store later, there are kindergarten workbooks on learning to write spread across the counter.

“Look, I don’t know if you’re just being difficult, but I hope not. So I got an audiobook on learning to read and write, and here are some workbooks for kids–don’t get mad–to teach them their letters. Just press play on the stereo, and work through the books at your own pace. I’ll get more when you finish.”

The first workbook is half-completed before being ripped to pieces, but at least there was no other damage. Replacing it is significantly cheaper than replacing cupboard doors.

It takes awhile, but eventually the workbooks progress to a fifth grade level. These ones are starting to be more costly (they’re bigger, for one thing), but it’s not even the money anymore. Little notes scrawled in a shaky hand appear on the steamy bathroom mirror

Have A gooD dy

Or written in ketchup on the counter (that was a frightening sight the first time)

You R out of MLK

And then one day there’s a message taped to the fridge. The spelling and penmanship isn’t the best, but it’s legible and even signed.

Dear Occupente,

I have haunted this spot for ovr three huner hudre 300 years. My bones are dust and I am fergotN. I do not have wants to trap me. I am here 4 ever.

I am bord. Lonly.

I am sorrY 4 breaking things.

We be frends?

Syncerly Eloise

I love you, Eloise

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*I feel like this may be  Paul Ryan’s life goal:

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*Dog refuses to stay on pillow, is about how I’d describe the people in my life right now. Annoying but lovable inconveniences:

IF YOUR DOG SLEEPS WITH YOU THEN YOU UNDERSTAND THE STRUGGLE

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*Someone needs to invent this:

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*This pretty much sums up America’s politics at this time, yeah:

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*Other than just a general reason to be happy, I’m posting this here, because some troll in the comments, got his ass handed to him, when he stated that these weren’t the best actors.

wisdomandlogicareking:

Angela Basset: Academy Award nominee and Golden Globe winner, with enough award nominations/wins to necessitate her own wikipedia page for awards alone.
Lupita Nyong’o: Academy Award winner.
Chadwick Boseman: Joseph Jefferson Award nominee; already showed his stripes as Black Panther in Captain America: Civil War.
Sterling K. Brown: Emmy Award Winner for The People Vs. OJ Simpson and actor in the Golden Globe nominated television show This Is Us
Florence Kasumba: Already had a bit part in Captain America: Civil War; was praised by many critics for her one scene being a scene-stealer
Forest Whitaker:  Academy Award for Best Actor
African-American Film Critics Association Award for Best Actor
BAFTA Award for Best Actor in a Leading Role
BET Award for Best Actor
Black Reel Award for Best Actor
Boston Society of Film Critics Award for Best Actor
Broadcast Film Critics Association Award for Best Actor
Chicago Film Critics Association Award for Best Actor
Dallas–Fort Worth Film Critics Association Award for Best Actor
Florida Film Critics Circle Award for Best Actor
Golden Globe Award for Best Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama
Hollywood Film Award for Actor of the Year
Kansas City Film Critics Circle Award for Best Actor
Las Vegas Film Critics Society Award for Best Actor
London Film Critics’ Circle Award for Actor of the Year
Los Angeles Film Critics Association Award for Best Actor
NAACP Image Award for Outstanding Actor in a Motion Picture
National Board of Review Award for Best Actor
National Society of Film Critics Award for Best Actor
New York Film Critics Circle Award for Best Actor
Online Film Critics Society Award for Best Actor
Phoenix Film Critics Society Award for Best Actor
Satellite Award for Best Actor – Motion Picture
Screen Actors Guild Award for Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role
Southeastern Film Critics Association Award for Best Actor
Vancouver Film Critics Circle Award for Best Actor
Washington D.C. Area Film Critics Association for Best Actor
Nominated – BIFA Award for Best Performance by an Actor in a British Independent Film
Nominated – Toronto Film Critics Association Award for Best Actor
2nd Place – Awards Circuit Community Award for Best Actor in a Leading Role

^ that’s all from a single movie.
Danai Gurira: Tony-award winning writer, plays Michonne on The Walking Dead, one of the most popular series out there today
Michael J. Jordan: Featured actor in popular shows like Friday Night Lights, The Wire, and Parenthood in addition to frequent appearances on film.
Daniel Kaluuya: The star of Get Out, which currently boasts a 99% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and has been in the press pretty much constantly upon release.  He was also featured in an episode of the acclaimed series Black Mirror.
John Kani: An actor, playwright and director; while he hasn’t had as much work in America, he’s prolific enough to have a theatre in Newtown Johannesberg named after him.

Winston Duke and Letitia Wright have fewer credits to their names (the former has a consistent role in the well-received Person of Interest; the latter has been cast in Black Panther and Ready Player One in what is hopefully the beginnings of a bright career), but I don’t mean to belittle their successes by leaving them out, and those who aren’t as well known SHOULD be given a chance by big franchises.  Lesser known names tend to get big after starring in Marvel movies.  I sure as hell didn’t know who Chris Evans or Chris Hemsworth were prior to their flagship titles.

But even putting aside how important it is that this film is led by black creators, just because you don’t know these people doesn’t mean that they’re not critically acclaimed in their field, who haven’t put in the work.  They have, and they’ve been recognized for it.  Consider checking out some of their work before you decide whether or not only two of them are great actors.

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blckrapunzel

I sure your feelings are hurt and you’re a little confused by a movie that’s not made with several boxes of assorted crackers and a token black guy 😂😂😂😂😂

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cloama

1. I love this post and seeing this person get flamed and have their activity page all fucked up because of it makes me so happy. 2. This is where non-black people misunderstand anti-black microagression. This person was willing to trade their sense of logic just to shit on Black people because to them, it’s worth it. That’s a big part of how y’all talk about us. Watch yourself.3. That person forgot that every black actor in Hollywood has to have twice as much classical training and work…

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problematticusfinch

Hm, gee, I wonder which 2 are meant as the great actors. Which two…. which two stand out for the person hung up on the small number of white people… hmmm…..

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Imagine being that racist that you think only white actors can be awesome…Imagine being that racist that you look at the black ones and just go “who?” despite their loooooong list of accomplishments and popularity…

Imagine being so racist, that people are excited for a cast of actors, and you are just itching to tell them not to be excited because the cast happens to be black (and you dont like that)….but a white cast, sure you can be excited.

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@wisdomandlogicareking

I never heard of Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hiddleston, Mark Ruffalo, or Chris Evans before their debut in a Marvel film…But unlike some cocks on here, I am not so self centered as to believe that MY personal history of viewing an actor dictates whom is good or not….I also bet similar racists (ppl like wisdomandlogicareking) never said shit about the announced cast of relatively unknown actors of Thor or Cap America, or future films like wtf is the new guy playing young Han Solo?…but just gotta put their two cents in on Black Panther…..because “reason

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*Oh, and introducing the Land of Introverts!

 

Tumblr Humor # 247

*Why does no one think it at all strange to be gluing appliques on their baby? And what about gluing shit on boys? How about little bow-ties, since we’re going for that whole gender essentialism thing?

brainstatic: “Tired of your baby girl being seen as a genderless imp? Afraid strangers might not recognize your sexless proto-human as the soft femme heartbreaker she is? Well now you can glue some shit on her head! That’s right, just glue some...

brainstatic:

Tired of your baby girl being seen as a genderless imp? Afraid strangers might not recognize your sexless proto-human as the soft femme heartbreaker she is? Well now you can glue some shit on her head! That’s right, just glue some gender conformity right onto her unclosed fontanelle! Say goodbye to awkwardly explaining that no, despite her bald head, your androgynous poop machine is actually a demure coquette! Glue your fucking baby today!

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*Once I sit down in my house, that’s it! I’m not having any more interactions with ppl for the rest of the evening. And no, don’t  even be in my neighborhood.

We have a twitter here too: https://twitter.com/IntrovertUnite. See some of you there?

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*I think it might have been a mistake for NASA to ask for suggestions on this. I mean they’re talking to Americans and I think we invented snark.

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*This is the most plausible explanation, I’ve ever seen, for why people don’t recognize Clark Kent as Superman, and its not the eyeglasses:

raptorific:

I still think it’s hilarious that the reason nobody ever figures out Superman’s secret identity or where he lives or what he does when he’s not saving the planet, is because he already told them all the Kryptonian stuff that can’t be tied to any of his human friends or family. I guarantee you the in-universe wikipedia article on Superman lists his name as Kal-El and the “personal life” section says that he lives full-time at his private fortress of solitude at the north pole. Nobody in the world looks at Clark Kent and thinks “oh my god, maybe he’s superman!” for the same reason nobody ever starts to suspect that their coworker who looks KINDA like Barack Obama is actually secretly Barack Obama – They know who Barack Obama is and know what he does and they know their coworker Greg is Greg and not Barack Obama. They have no reason to assume Barack Obama secretly moonlights as Greg The IT Guy at their workplace even though they’ve never seen Greg and Obama in the same place. At best, “Greg is secretly Obama” would be a running joke at the office, and the same is true at the Daily Planet. “Kal-El of Krypton, who lives in a CRYSTAL PALACE at the NORTH POLE and whose dayjob is SUPERMAN, sometimes puts on a suit and pretends to be a clumsy reporter and lives in a one-bedroom walkup in Metropolis” is a ridiculous concept to anyone who doesn’t already know it’s true

@unpretty

“Hey, that— that guy, in the corner, is that— is that Superman?” 

Clark looks up from his computer at the new intern. “Oh, no,” he says. “You caught me.”

“Clark, you pull this shit every time, man,” his desk neighbor Steve says. “Shut the fuck up.”

“No, the kid’s right, I’m Superman,” Clark says. He gets out of his seat and cracks his back out. “I guess we’re gonna have a superhero fight.”

“Clark, sit back down.”

“Nope. Superhero fight.”

“Clark if you don’t sit the hell back down and finish your article by lunch I am going to tell Perry on you.”

Clark points at the intern. “You get off easy this time, buddy,” he says, and sits back down.

“So…” the intern says, very lost. “Uh…”

“That’s Clark,” a slightly older and more experienced intern says. “He’s Superman’s asshole twin.”

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*This is, very possibly, one of the best reviews of Fences.  Ever! Or, as clueless White people at awards shows like to call it, Hidden Fences!

Art Art by John Ueland

 

Source:
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And you know Black Twitter couldnt let that Hidden Fences comment pass:
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*And finally , I laughed too long and hard at this discussion, with Black people refusing to tell White people what “Take the L”, actually meant, and basically trolling  them.

poonpie:

dope-lore:

poonpie:

For those who don’t know, ‘take this L’ refers to the Longitude and Latitude of a map. When you have to take an L, you need to locate your Longitude and Latitude. By doing so you will discover how far out of your lane you fucking traveled.

I thought the L stood for log like logarithim cuz u gotta do a complicated problem to figure out who the fuck u think ur talkin too

You’re actually not wrong. Originally it referred to the Latin word ‘lūcidus’ which means ‘radiating light’. Therefore, when you need to take an L, you must enlighten yourself on where you got me fucked up.

LMAO Tumblr Day

*This just had me giggling all morning.  I’ve  loved Keegan Michael Key since his MadTv days.

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Snoop is so silly!

Btw, if you haven’t seen his cooking show with Martha Stewart, then check it out. Its a fun half hour, and the two of them have great comedic chemistry. They genuinely appear to be friends and like each other, which is kinda cute.

popelizbet-blog:
“ weavemama:
“SNOOP DOGG IS A SAVAGE FOR THIS
”
Snoop save us.
”karnythia Source: weavemama

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Here’s some general tomfoolery on Twitter!

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*I love the little squishy in this picture. He reminded me of Gary Larson. He’s giving somebody the side-eye, tho’.

fruitsgood:
“ dawwwwfactory:
“Mom’s potato staring at me across the room
”
this dog looks exactly like what renaissance era painters thought dogs looked like
”
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/91/49/3f/91493fa3b015a8a8f42d1f9df4a2f1fc.jpg

fruitsgood:

dawwwwfactory:

Mom’s potato staring at me across the room

this dog looks exactly like what renaissance era painters thought dogs looked like

 

*Does anybody remember the cartoonist Gary Larson. I have a bunch of his books in my collection,my all-time favorite is  titled  Wiener Dog Art.

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*I can’t even laugh too hard at this because I remember back in the seventies, everybody had this type of artwork on their walls in my neighborhood. I remember staring in fascination because one of my neighbors had a picture on his wall of a half naked Black woman with a giant black panther. It looked like it had been painted on velvet. I do have a special hatred for anything painted on velvet after that.

Ankh art

ankh-niggas-anonymous:

-naked black woman
-sometimes has third eye
-always light-skinned
-hourglass shape (maybe a fatter ass tho. maybe.)
-perky titties no matter what size
-huge afro or long locs
-always doing some ‘spiritual shit’ like meditation or praying or watever
-she not christian tho, cuz christianity is the white man’s religion
-always in some sort of ‘natural environment’ i.e. the woods, the ocean, the sky
-is mystical because???
-a picture of africa somewhere in the art, either as jewelry or a tattoo
-something about the woman’s vagina being powerful bc can Procreate
-in case woman is in a relationship, it is ALWAYS with a man
-the man is darkskinned
-the man treats the woman like royalty and/or goddess, but not like an actual person
-some fake deep statement??? that makes no sense whatsoever and actually goes against all logic and common sense

reverseracism Source: ankh-niggas-anonymous

See!

Related image

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*And lastly, I’d like to introduce all of you to The Liberal Redneck. He is one of the funniest White men on Youtube and one of the few White people who has managed to make me laugh about the upcoming wtf*ery that is US politics. Check out , and subscribe to, all his other videos on Youtube.

Black Tumblr Comedy

 Time for some Tumblr Silliness. The first one may be hard to read, but its worth the effort.

Just like Black Twitter, when Black Tumblr gets going it cannot be stopped. This had me laughing for hours. Who mamma ain’t never said any of this?

I’m definitely Grownblr, though!

I feel like 30+ black tumblr should be referred to as Grownblr

dynastylnoire:

adventure-animaniac:

dynastylnoire:

kwesii:

thesweetishthuggishbone:

melinatedwinter:

thesweetishthuggishbone:

dynastylnoire:

abbiehollowdays:

dynastylnoire:

theshortchickwiththefro:

dynastylnoire:

note-a-bear:

dynastylnoire:

meanmisscharles:

dynastylnoire:

squeezemetillipop:

dynastylnoire:

curlykitchen:

dynastylnoire:

lchupanibre:

isleswoman:

dynastylnoire:

Cause we are

GROWNBLRUK+

what do you call that weird gap where people are 26-29?

Almost Grownblr

^^^

18-25 you ain’t Grownblr

-18 Get off that phoneblr

I can’t even pronounce that

Cause you be on that phone

Talking to their lil’ friendsblr.

You need to do them dishesblr

Take that chicken out the fridgeblr

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Take out the trashblr 😭

BRING ME MY REMOTEBLR

Take that bass out your voiceblr!

(Actin’ like you pay billsblr)

You can’t have no companyblr

YA’LL NEED TO LEAVE US ALONE!!!

MAYBE IF YOU REMEMBERED YOUR SCHOOLWORK LIKE THEM DAMN SONGS YOU WOULD’NT BE IN SUMMER SCHOOLblr.

well damnblr

Where was 30+ black grownblr on Election day 🤔🤔🤔??

Voting Did you youngblr? What are you trying to say ? Like???

Originally posted by n-wordbelike

This made me laugh. Can y’all just be my family like fr fr

Yep! You are now Adoptedblr

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

reblogged text post dynastylnoire 11th November 2016 November 11th 2016from the q continuum
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* In the immortal words of Wanda from In Living Color:
Uhm-hm! Fo’ real do’ Hey!
trans-fred-luo:

white people are mad Mark Hamill said called Trump’s cabinet “a who’s who of despicable people”, vowing to never watch Star Wars again and all of that noise but like… Did you really think the man who played Luke Skywalker was going to be ok with a fascist government I’m just wondering

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*It’s the chicken comment that got me though!

Anonymous asked:

Where the fuck are the right-wing “support the troops” people when black veterans are treated like shit and murdered by police?

prochoice-or-gtfo answered:

Probably yelling “all lives matter” while waving confederate flags and eating flavorless chicken breasts

-Kyoung

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*This is the kind of thing I would do if I could just Darth Vader “force choke” a b***h!
strawberrymilkygalaxy:

“what if sam is hydra”

what if i reached across time and space to slap your soul right out of your body

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This is from Raw Story. You kinda have to read the whole thing to realize why people on Twitter were on their A game about this.
#BreitbartCereals (Twitter)

http://www.rawstory.com/2016/11/honey-bunches-of-a-holes-internet-eviscerates-rightwing-boycott-of-kelloggs-with-breitbartcereals/

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Oh, I have to throw in a bit of Introvert humor:

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I feel like this is a good life hack, if you’re into that sort of thing.
Image result for sarcasm

On Tumblr

 *On a lighter note, heres a lot of silly shit that ended up in my Tumblr feed. Be sure to scroll down to the Church’s Chicken protesters.

*First up, any posts in praise of my precious cinnamon bun, John Boyega, and by attachment, Finn, is always going to give me a happy.

Why Finn is the Best Character in Star Wars: The Force Awakens

*The through line under this heading is that you could disagree but you’d be wrong. I am in full agreement with that statement.

Also, this person goes in depth on analyzing Finn’s fighting style. 

Finn’s lightsaber form?

force-2187:

I’ve been wondering about what type of combat form Finn would employ as a Jedi.

We know he’s very adept at a blaster, so I imagine Finn would a damn pro at deflecting blaster bolts back to their source. Like, that would be his signature move. So, for defence, I see him using Shien. In fact, I firmly believe that Finn holds his lightsaber in the reverse grip a la Galen Marek.

As for offensive … Finn’s style is quite aggressive and determined. We can see he puts a lot of strength behind his attacks, he only lacks the proper training. Like the times he put in hits, they were quite powerful and had a great effect (impaling Stormtrooper; slashing Ren’s shoulder). He just has trouble defending himself in lightsaber fights, so Shien would help him a lot there. I see him using Djem So, giving out attacks with brute strength. He even uses the Falling Avalancheattack while fighting Kylo Ren:

According to the wikiThe characteristic Djem So attack was dubbed the “Falling Avalanche,”[9]an overhand power blow that crashed down upon an opponent with exceptional force.

In fact, when Kylo dodges this, Finn falls over from the sheer strength of his attack. That alone shows us the brute power he has, whether that’s Force enhanced or not.

Here is Finn attempting a strong jab at FN-2199, singlehandedly. Finn has a certain grace with the lightsaber weapon. While he has not mastered it yet, nor is he exactly comfortable with it (it’s much lighter than the baton he is used to), it’s evident that he is confident with it. The lightsaber is not an ill-fitting or uncomfortable weapon in his hand. There is no doubt in my mind that he is Force Sensitive.

Finn uses the Falling Avalanche again, with considerable success:

image

Another similarity between Finn and Anakin’s styles is that both seek to gain distance between their opponent, and then go to land the first powerful strike to put them off-balance. Anakin does this by kicking his opponent away and then advancing, while Finn moves away himself after parrying attacks, assesses his opponent, and then runs towards them to land a blow. Now that I think of it, Finn would be a Master at Djem So!

Because Finn is so firmly on the Light Side and is obviously hard to seduce to the Dark (I mean, years of brainwashing couldn’t) it’s safe to assume he has a lot of self control. I believe that after intense training, and mastery of the Force, Finn would be amazing at Vaapad. His style already is aggressive and powerful, and he has a lot of self-reflection and empathy skills, so I can imagine him easily accepting and understanding the Darkness of his opponent and conducting it to feed his own power. Finn has his own Darkness, as we see in his rage-fuelled fight in the forest, but he can control it and won’t fall to the Dark as easily.

I think Finn will become a very powerful Jedi. I don’t care if he lost all his fights in TFA. Luke did, too, before he became one of the most powerful Jedi ever. The only reason people underestimate Finn now is because they’ve seen Rey defeat Kylo, when Rey has had to fight with her staff (same weight as lightsaber) all the time while growing up, and uses the same techniques with the lightsaber as well. I definitely think she’ll use either Niman or Juyo, and you’ll have to prise double-bladed lightsaber Rey out of my cold, dead hands. Besides, Rey has a clear parallel with Obi-Wan in his fight with Darth Maul: after their loved one has been struck down, they fight the bad guy as revenge and in anger and win. However, Finn has parallels with Luke and Anakin: he loses his first fight against the primary antagonist, who actually works under a bigger antagonist, but still shows exceptional skill. There is a strong Finn/Luke parallel in TFA/ESB. This also leads me to believe that it will be Finn vs. Kylo Ren in the final battle, and then Rey vs. Snoke.

What do y’all think?

(you guys seemed interested, so I’m taggin you: @anhamirak @kyloandfinnren @boyega-john@luminousfinn @errrbodylovesfinn @spacefinns )

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* How you gonna tell someone that honoring or celebrating their culture is divisive? You can try it, but the next time you see me, I’m going to be wearing an Afro, one of those Black Power hair picks, a daishiki over a Black Lives Matter t-shirt, and a red black and green headband, with matching coffee mug. I’m gonna be the blackest Black person you have ever seen.

As soon as the word “Divisive” flies out of a white person’s mouth my brain goes into hybernation mode. Nothing they can say after that is valid and shit before that will be rendered invalid.

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*For some reason, this parody of racism in fandom just gave me the giggles, for the rest of the day. “White demon” definitely reminds me of Hannibal Lecter.

A black character: * has those grey morals white people are always nutting over, has Deep Issues and enough Tiny Expressions to fill a book*

the yts: :/ wow he’s :/ he’s really toxic and violent, isn’t he? i :/ i’m very uncomfortable with how he raised his voice to my pure, white angel uwu

A white demon: *is an actual demon, kills people, blinked once*

the yts: !! this ! he’s so pure! did you see how he blinked ? ohmygod give this man an oscar already! look at how his eyes closed for one second and opened the next!! do you know!! do you know what that means!!

Source:

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*On the other hand, The Ascension can only occur anyway after the release of The Black Panther movie, in 2018, so the hell with Han Solo, cuz Black people won’t be here for it.

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The people on Tumblr love to parody  Benedict Cumberbatch’s name. I know its wrong to mock  someone’s  name but I can’t help it. Some of these names are so ridiculous, you can’t help but laugh. I’ve even found an entire website with nothing but name parodies for Mr. Cumberbatch:

I’m pretty sure his name is pronounced Benadryl Combustible

i’m pretty sure they mean Benzene Carbonmonoxide

Benedict Cucumberbitch

Bumbershoot Crumblebread

Bicycle Crashandfall

Bettyboop cabbagepatch

Burgerking Custardbath

bentdick cumberbumble

Bendydirt cumberbutt

Battletoad Pimplerash

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*Well, this makes perfect sense.

helimir:

I think the reason why Tolkien keeps referring to “the bow of Legolas” and “the voice of Legolas” and “the arrows of Legolas” is that he doesn’t want to write “Legolas’s”

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*I would say this is an accurate definition. Well, obviously we don’t need a Black Widow movie, if ScarJo can just keep stealing roles from WoC. What’s she gonna do next? Foxxy Brown? 

attentiondonor:

white feminism is scarlett johansson being offended by misogynistic interview questions, but staying silent when depriving an asian american actress’ opportunity to play a Japanese character.

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*The next time someone comes in your mentions arguing about the Historical accuracy of some Fantasy film, just think of this post, and have a good laugh.

copperbadge: “ hansbekhart: “ astronema-princess-of-all-evil: “ atlas-pt: “ southernsideofme: “ Historical footage of the last T-Rex serving his country in WWl. ” But isn’t that a Jeep? And the T-Rex is holding a…Browning M2? Which wasn’t used until...

Source: southernsideofme

Historical footage of the last T-Rex serving his country in WWl.

But isn’t that a Jeep? And the T-Rex is holding a…Browning M2? Which wasn’t used until 1933…

So I think this footage is actually of WW2.

I’m living for this historical accuracy

Historical accuracy is so important you guys

I agree that it’s WWII, because aside from the Browning and the Jeep, that’s much too small to be one of the last true T-Rexes, which were definitively wiped out in the battle of the Somme.

It’s probably a Nanuqsaurus Hoglundi – they’re similar but smaller so it’s easy to make the mistake. N. Hoglundi, known to soldiers as Hogs, were used for light artillery up through 1954, when PETA (Paleontologists for the Ethical Treatment of Anachronisms, no relation) got on the military’s case about it. The last Hog to serve in the military died in the Brookfield Zoo in something like 1979, I think?

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*Who put this on the internet? And why?
nobigotzone: “ It made me laugh. ”

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*I’ve actually done some of these things. That coffee cup thing actually works. People think you’re a responsible grownup with a job and everything.

unpretty:

ways i have tricked people into thinking i am competent:

  • bought a really nice looking fountain pen
  • that sounds like a joke but fountain pens are cheap as shit and when you use one people look at you like you’re a fucking wizard
    • this hero 901 cost me $3 on ebay and i don’t know why people assume that this is a pen for intelligent people but they do
    • it works better when i am using a nice notebook and not the avengers notebook that makes it look like the hulk is grabbing my sweet pen
    • i write in code which for some reason leads everyone to assume that i am some kind of da vinci motherfucker, instead of the reality, which is that i am writing about dicks and don’t want anyone to know
    • it looks like i am constantly taking notes on everything which is both intimidating and inaccurate, just the way i like it
    • i bought a usb clicker/laser pointer for $11 and now it seems like i’ve got this shit on lock, like i am so pro at giving presentations i even own accessories
    • holding a clicker makes you seem at least 10% more like you know what you’re talking about i’m pretty sure
    • i check the weekly freebies on creativemarket every monday so now i have a huge folder of pro-looking website themes and powerpoint templates and fill-in-the-blank resumes (also a lot of autumnal clipart and watercolor flowers and script fonts but that is less relevant)
    • i bought a ceramic coffee mug at world market years ago and it makes me look like a productive coffee-drinker because no one knows it’s full of hot cocoa
    • i don’t know why drinking coffee makes you look busy it just does even though i’m pretty sure it statistically reduces productivity
      • bonus: not only does no one know i’m just drinking Depression Chocolate but they think i am being Environmentally Conscious rather than Poor As Shit
      • extra bonus: i can take a sip whenever it looks like someone is going to ask a question and then they ask someone else
      • i almost never have to answer questions and i leave the room a lot because i have to pee constantly so double extra bonus
      • “That’s a very good question, and one that deserves an in-depth answer, so if you’d like to leave me your card I’d be happy to discuss it with you later one-on-one” aka “how DARE you suggest i waste everyone’s time answering this question right now” aka “lmfao i have no fucking clue what you just said please let me secretly google that okay”
      • bonus: now it seems like you are a sophisticated grownup who assumes everyone has A Card and if they have to settle for writing their email on a scrap of paper you can feel smug about it even though in your heart you know that you are no better
      • i’ve got anxiety and poor impulse control and anxiety about my poor impulse control so i generally say jack shit about shit and this constant silence is often misinterpreted as aloof observation
      • no one knows that my air of mystery is actually a bad case of the shy and i am too shy to correct them so it works out
      • when i’m on my laptop and i don’t want anyone to notice how much i’m dicking around i turn the brightness way down so they can’t snoop without being obvious
      • at least one window of notepad++ with some random html page or css stylesheet in it makes randos assume you are some kind of genius doing some genius shit, unless they are CS major randos, in which case i guess find an intimidating looking excel spreadsheet and hope for the best
      Source: unpretty

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      *True fax!

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  • And general good news as The Queen, The Goddess, Michelle Yeoh, gets picked up for the new Star Trek TV show, and Pacific Rim has a fairly large Chinese cast, headed by a Black dude, John Boyega. I’m just giving my money away next 

‘Pacific Rim 2’ adds Chinese action star Zhang Jin to its roster

Pacific Rim: Maelstrom, starring Star Wars’ John Boyega, has added another actor to the cast list, rounding out a fairly sizable Chinese cast.

*Michelle Yeoh will appear in ‘Star Trek: Discovery,’ according to producer

Tumblr Humor

Yeah, alright. You knew I had to follow up that last post with some of the funniest sh*t  that came across my dashboard last week.

*I think I might have posted this here before, but I don’t care, its still funny:

Slash Fic Gothic

You have blond hair, he has brown hair. You always have blond hair, he always has brown hair. You dye your hair brown, but suddenly his hair is blond, and you feel as though maybe you are him, and he is you, and you have blond hair again, and he has brown hair.

His gaze is impossibly fond, his eyes are impossibly blue, he pulls you impossibly closer, your heart beats impossibly fast, the bulge in his pants is impossibly hard, he should maybe get that checked out.

You don’t remember ever working out and yet you look down and see you have a six pack. When you next see yourself in the mirror you have an eight pack. When he takes of your shirt you have ten, twelve abs. You’re scared to look again in case there are more.

His eyes change colour depending on his moods. At first you thought it was a trick of the light, but now you’re not so sure. They switch between blue, green and grey. Once you thought you saw a flicker of red. You make sure to kiss with your eyes closed now.

You’re white, and so is he. Sometimes he’s your enemy, but you still love him, don’t you? Of course, it makes sense. You’re not sure what you like about him, exactly, but there must be something, right? There’s this intangible thing between you, isn’t there? You feel like you may have more chemistry with your non-white friend, but that can’t be right.

You don’t remember taking your clothes off but you’re naked now. Well, all you remember is toeing out of your shoes. You always toe out of them, although you don’t quite know what that means.

Your pronouns mix into a blur and you no longer know where you end and he begins… You reach out your hand to his hand on his arm… your arm… his… You are sitting and he straddles you but is facing away… There are hands everywhere…

THE ACCURACY HURTS.

You smell like sandlewood.  You don’t know what sandlewood even IS.

Once your shoes are off, you pad everywhere. You try to walk, but you can’t, your feet don’t comply. Your only option if you want to get from room to room is to pad.

Your tongues battle for dominance. There can be only one victor. One tongue is not walking away from this battle. Will it be yours?

He tastes like smoke and wine, whatever he had for dinner, and something distinctly him. You don’t know what that taste is or where it comes from… only that it is distinctly…him

Is he The Smaller Man? Or The Larger Man? Are you The Pale Man? Are you The Slender Man? The Blond Man? You no longer have a name… you are just an epithet.

You thought you were about the same size, but, the clothes come off… and he’s The Larger Man. So large. He’s got six inches on you. You can tuck your head under his chin. Ten inches now… is he growing? Are you shrinking?

It’s weeping. OH GOD WHY IS IT WEEPING?

 

Sometimes one of you is an alien, sometimes both, but that’s okay. Either your species’ reproductive organs are conveniently identical, or one of you has some sort of eldritch, lubricated opening somewhere which makes the whole business a lot less gay. You’re not sure what eldritch means. Whoever the alien is smells of pine needles.

Come to think of it, neither of you are gay. It’s just that you can’t imagine living the rest of your life without doing this four or five times a day, because you love each other so much. In fact, you didn’t even know two men could do this before five minutes ago. Fortunately, even though this is your first attempt at full-on anal, you both perform perfectly.

You’ve both been gay all your lives, but it’s never come up in conversation before, Even though you’re both 35 years old and spend a lot of time together on stakeouts, in the lab, or working out in the starship gym. You know the names of each other’s childhood pets. He drove your mother to the ER that time you were out of town, and she thinks of him as her other son. You once took his sister on a date because she sort of looks like him, but of course it didn’t work out. You can’t remember what sorts of animals the pets were or your mother’s face. He’s never had a sister. You’re glad you saved yourself all these years for him.

You’ve spent the entire night with him, finally able to say confess you mean to one another over two six-packs of beer. Beer be damned, the first time you kiss both of you snap to near-painful attention and you have unceasing marathon sex until four am. You wake him three hours later, sun streaming through the bedroom windows, with bacon, eggs, and toast on a silver tray. You don’t remember being able to cook before this morning and never buy eggs. There are no beer cans on the floor.

Source:

elexuscal

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Fanfiction Gothic

  • It’s late. You know you should go to sleep, but you still click ‘next chapter’. You won’t stop. You can’t stop.
  • ‘I love AUs’, you say, as you open up a story set in high-school. Then one set in a coffee-shop. Soulmate marks. Mermaids. Hogwarts. So many alternate universes; the same characters and situations, repeated over and over. The characters wish they could be free.
  • ‘update soon plz’ the reviewer writes. You update as soon as you can. ‘update soon’ they say again. You update in mere minutes. Still; ‘update soon’. It will never be soon enough.
  • You’re trying to find stories about your favourite pairing, but they’re not very popular. There are so many other pairings. So many. You don’t think you’ve ever heard of any of them. Have you?
  • The characters finally begin to make-out. Their lips touch; their bodies embrace, limbs twisting. You follow the movements. Arms contort, legs bend, spine distorts. Their bodies should be broken, yet somehow, they are not.
  • You post a new chapter. There are no comments, no kudoses, no favourites. Yet, your follower count rises. They are watching you.
  • ‘Just a little one-shot’, the author’s note says. They have only one shot to get this right.
  • You tab into a new fic. It makes no sense; you can’t understand it. It’s written in an old tongue, with grammar that so arcane and ancient that your eyes begin to bleed.
regional gothicfanficfandomshippingalternate universe ficsi did a thingregional gothic doesn’t seem like an appropriate term for these anymore…
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*Okay, this just made me smile. Of course, none of this applies in the case of Denzel Washington, Idris Elba, or Jesse Williams. I think  I have a pretty good chance of this happening because I’m not from Indiana. My friend Bethany is shit out of luck though.

darthkidderkat:

newjaxxcity:

i really don’t understand why people feel the need to stan for some actor and then obsess over who he’s dating. like do you want him to be alone until he strolls into the same tj maxx you frequent in buttfuck, indiana and fall in love with you? does he have to get all his potentials screened via snapchat by you? was he supposed to have an open audition to decide where he wets his dick next? cuz that’s not gonna happen, bethany. you gotta be realistic and get out of people’s private lives that they are entitled to.

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*This goes out to my one peep! You know who you are:
animelunatic: “ Love you ”
Stephen King has his Constant Reader. I have my Constant Follower: :http://cadburypom.wordpress.com/
Love you, babe!
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*This Reverse Daredevil scenario  was hilarious:
missveryvery:

Hiroshi Ueda, the Red Devil of Roppongi, is desperately trying to discover the secrets behind the YEEHAW Group that’s buying up strategic parcels of land in Minato Tokyo’s Roppongi district. But every time he gets close, he’s swarmed by lasso-wielding cowboys, sometimes on horseback and with six-shooters. Luckily, he’s been trained his whole life in the American art of wrestling and shooting people with assault rifles.

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*And Tumblr is always good for some animal related humor:
princessfailureee: “ zamzamafterzina: “ candiikismet: “ onlyblackgirl: “ cutecocoturtlenipples: “ bigeisamazing: “ ” ” Lmao bye. ” Oh my god. Please stop. ” lmfao i hate y'all ” this had me in tears when I saw it on twitter 😂 ”

http://youtu.be/O1SRBSmz4zw

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*I just put this here because it tickles me. Who doesn’t like SnarkCat?!

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*Chronicling the evolution of the Werewolf myth:
neeteryincorporated: “ progression ”

Random Tumblr Roundup

Just random stuff that ended up on my Tumblr dashboard. 

There have been a lot of reviews and thinkpieces in the past week about Luke Cage, and as I promised ,most of the reviews I’ve reblogged or linked to are from the POV of Black writers. Here’s one from The Tall Black Nerd:

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*Why can’t nerds get dates? Well, some of them can’t get dates. I’m sure none of you reading this have this problem,though.
the-queen-poetico:

theotherwesley:

introvertedgeek:

wizardshark:

constant-instigator:

stele3:

dannerzz:

brother-mouse:

dannerzz:

i fucking hate dating nerds one single time i wore a star wars shirt to see a dude and he was like, “wow are u wearing that to impress me” and i said, “star wars episode 4 was seen by approximately 110 million people during its initial theatrical run in 1977”

Congratulations. You’re dating people who for the longest time have been putting up with bullying, mocking, and scorn for most of their lives. That kind of shit stays with people. So imagine their surprise when they see a member of the opposite sex, who I’m assuming is really attractive in comparison to most people, wear attire that reps nerd culture. Which even though is accepted by the masses (if you’re reasonably attractive) is still rare. Now I’m not saying that you’re not allowed to be scornful I’m just saying expect it and don’t be surprised when you hear it. Ok? OK.

why i dont date fucking nerds: exhibit B

Bolded emphasis mine. Gross.

Stands on nearest chair: ATTENTION MALE NERDS. YOU ARE NOT SUFFERING FROM A SHORTAGE OF FEMALE NERDS. THERE ARE VAST NUMBERS OF US, AND WE RARELY HAVE A HARD TIME FINDING EACH OTHER. YOU ARE WITHOUT FEMALE COMPANY BECAUSE YOU ARE WHINEY ASSBABIES WHO THINK YOU OWN THINGS BECAUSE YOU LIKE THEM, AND BECAUSE YOU SOMEHOW THINK YOU SUFFER BULLYING WHEREAS GIRL NERDS SOMEHOW NEVER DO. STOP PRETENDING YOU GET TO BE ASSHOLES BECAUSE YOU HAVE A “TRAGIC PAST” OR YOU WILL DIE ALONE. IF YOU THINK GIRL NERDS DON’T GET BULLIED IT’S LIKELY BECAUSE THOSE GIRLS DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU, BECAUSE OF THIS SORT OF ATTITUDE.

also: fucking no one mocks nerds anymore. Game of thrones is the most watched show on tv, everyone and their mom is playing video games, dungeons and dragons is more popular than it’s ever been.

To conclude

i’m obligated to reblog the Critical Whale

Fucking thank you

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People gonna find problems with Luke Cage, but this show is my precious cinnamon roll and  I’m determinedly not listening.

Luke Cage Has Problems.

Okay so I’ve seen a bunch of fuck nigga activity recently about Luke Cage and I’ve felt the need to address it.

First and foremost Luke Cage and colorism. Now yes. I love Both of our leading ladies: Rosario Dawnson and Simone Missick. I am complete and utter garbage for them both.

However being trash for them doesn’t stop me from being able to point out that much like many other shows LC might have some colorism issues. Now me pointing out that Rosario Dawson is light-skinned and her casting outside of her being an amazing actress could have to do with colorism isn’t me invalidating her Blackness. She is Black first and foremost and knowing how vocal RD is about this stuff she’d have no problem with people talking about this as one of the possible reasons she was cast.

Stepping away from RD yes there are a plethora of Black women in Luke Cage like it needs to be it’s great honestly. I’m loving it but the majority of the darker skinned Black women (darker than SM) are back ground characters and the villain of the piece is one of the darkest if not the darkest women in the show and we all know how often that happens.

Continue reading “Random Tumblr Roundup”

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