Have A Smile Today

Today is a calming day. Relax. Take a deep breath.

Have a smile with these silly cartoons I encountered while browsing YouTube.

This is definitely the way most of us would like to cope with the prospect of death….

Hmm, you think you know whats going to happen…

I really liked this one, because I’ve always wondered what happened to the denizens of Charlie’s world. I always hated Lucy, knew about Peppermint Patty, expected more from Linus, and PigPen’s fate was entirely predictable…

Well, this was…something!

This is one of my all time favorites. I never get tired of laughing at this, and I would love to see more of Johanna and Miriam!

This one is rather bittersweet, but mostly its sweet…

This naughty little pooch just wants some snacks….

And Lucas, the absolutely cutest spider on Earth, along his buddy, say Hi!

Top Ten Joke SCPs

Hi,

Here, have some light reading this week, (because I know things are feeling rather tense), as I type up some SCP posts, while I work on a few long form articles for y’all to read, later. I don’t know if these are the funniest, they’re just the ones I thought of as the silliest, outside of the Dial A Llama one. Joke SCPs are often designated by a dash J after its number, and generally designed to lighten up some of the doom, and gloom, and global destruction proceedings, on the SCP website.

SCP 007 Unidentified Muffin Creature

Wild Blueberry Muffins Recipe: How to Make It | Taste of Home

This is not a description of the blueberry muffin itself, but a description of the anomalous events surrounding its vanishing, as some unseen being ate a researcher’s muffin, after he set it on his desk, when he went to answer a call. All that was left behind was some muffin residue on the desk, and around his office partner’s lips, yet no one witnessed the mysterious disappearance of the actual muffin. To date the case has not been solved, or contained.

SCP 810 A Dog In Need Of Funds

2020 Dog License and Renewal Due Jan. 31 - Fairfax County Government  NewsCenter

This is a male German Shepherd dog that speaks English, but only does so when it is alone with its mark, and only to beg for money, for some unnamed cause. It usually asks for five thousand dollars, although it never explains why it needs the money, in the first place, and is willing to offer as collateral, either a small porcelain toadstool, that it can vomit up at will, or the affirmation that his dad, Mick Jagger, is good for the money. The dog is not allowed near any banks, and is mostly contained.

SCP 666 1/2 The Roaring Flames of Hell

Are Spicy Foods Bad For Your Stomach?

Okay, for this one I had to go directly to the SCP Wiki to describe it, but its best if you go to the audio version on Youtube. It is very probably the funniest video I have ever heard.

SCP-666½-J is a crab-stuffed mushroom entrée produced by the internal Foundation catering service Containment Cuisine for the 45th annual Site-19 Foundation Formal. Roughly 42% of the 1,500 attendees consumed SCP-666½-J and were subsequently affected by its anomalous properties. SCP-666½-J’s effects started to become apparent approximately one hour after the conclusion of the main course, at which time event goers began to complain of slight abdominal pain. By the second hour, many attendees were complaining of significant digestive distress and all restrooms in the immediate vicinity were filled to capacity with extended queues. By the third hour, medical, investigative, and plumbing personnel were being flown in from surrounding sites to aid in relief efforts.

The bottom line is that if you eat this stuffed mushroom entree, you will pay horribly for having done so, by experiencing extreme full body distress, and ot only will you wish to die, you will probably regret ever having lived.

SCP Procastinating Rock

Bee Silly | Rock painting patterns, Painted rocks, Rock painting designs

Its basically a small rock, that makes whoever is holding it, put off doing any work, about having it in their possession. To be honest, I don’t need any accessories to make me put off doing the things I’m supposed to be doing.

SCP 729 Pillow Peep

Peeps Yellow Bunny Shaped Plush Stuffed Toy Or Pillow Easter Large 17 Inch  Tall

SCP 079 is a large stuffy, in the form of a yellow marshmallow peep. For some reason, this object is the most terrifying SCP in containment, frightening even the most dangerous and horrific of SCPs. When not terrified of it ,some of them have nothing but abject hatred for it. Every SCP from the Hard to Destroy Reptile, to The Gate Guardian, to Cain and Abel, retreats in terror from its presence, or bows to it in worship.

I want one.

SCP 885 Researcher J’s Inability To Clean Up After Himself

Messiest Houses in Japan - Blog

This is fairly self explanatory. This Researcher’s complete inability to clean up after himself has been a source of great puzzlement, anger, and discussion, for some time. He has destroyed the breakroom of Site 13 multiple times, while fixing various meals, leaving piles of dishes, after fixing even the simplest meals, for his co-workers to wash up, after two to three days of willful neglect. Please do yourself a favor and don’t examine this picture too closely.

I know this probably sounds like an old roommates, but its probably not, as many people are afflicted with this disease, including one of my sisters.

SCP 2600 Bicycle Mafia

Performance Bicycle Closing - All Performance Bike Stores Expected to Close

This SCP consists, so far, of a single bicycle that continues to try to escape, unsuccessfully, by attacking and running down, or attempting to abduct, SCP personnel. However, it does have outside cohorts, who keep sending threatening ransom style letters to the SCP facility, photographs of bikes that have been roughly deconstructed, or videos of bikes spinning their wheels in a threatening manner. When these other bikes encounter SCP personnel outside the facilities, they also attempt to run them down, or abduct them, which sometimes requires personnel to go to and from work in disguise.

SCP WTF Try Not to Laugh

Ground Beef Tacos Recipe - Pillsbury.com

This is another one that’s better off being listened to, as it is very possibly, one of the most lengthy and ridiculous SCPs ever written, consisting almost entirely of a series of a couple dozen procedures to save the world, involving dildos, tacos, saltwater crocodiles, a group of 49 year old Italian men, cheeseburgers, pig intestines, a 19 year old woman of Chinese descent, a 42 year old woman of German descent, a freshly cloned dodo, an aborted fetus, an octopus, and this is very specific, a 29 year old man, whose middle name rhymes with “Rank”, who must first slather his ankles in unsalted butter, before amputating the ankles, and roasting them over the carcass of a stillborn calf, after which, he must eat his own roasted ankles, using only a spoon. Somehow, the Pope gets involved, there are cake baking skills, and at some point, Italy must revert to fascism, for exactly 23 nanoseconds….

Pretty sure that by the time its all done, you’ll have completely forgotten why…

SCP 666 Dr. Gerald’s Driving Skills

A scene from Tenet - ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

Dr. Gerald is never to be allowed to drive any vehicle, any time, anywhere.

To date, not a single human being has ever survived a Dr. Gerald driving experience. Should any passengers, or pedestrians, manage somehow to survive any accident he just caused, they will be sure to be run down by a passing motorist. When Dr. Gerald is behind the wheel of any vehicle the world becomes much more dangerous than it normally would be. Tankers, no matter what they’re carrying, essentially become mobile bombs, and cars will explode at the slightest tap. Not only is he not allowed to drive, he is not allowed to get close to, or travel in, dangerous environments, like for example, near a nuclear reactor, or chemical refinery. Anything that has even the potential to become explosive will do so if Dr. Gerald is driving a vehicle, in its vicinity.

Dr. Gerald, however, always manages to survive whatever destruction he causes.

Things Dr. Bright Are Not Allowed To Do

Before you watch the video, you first need some background on who is Dr. Jack Bright, because he’s …complicated!

Dr. Jack Bright,1 a Junior Staff researcher of good standing, was assigned the responsibility of researching SCP-963-1’s (a small ornate piece of jewelry thought to have anomalous properties),capabilities, and granted access. He subsequently died, but his consciousness was trapped in SCP-963-1.

After much experimentation, it has been discovered that when any living anthropoid comes into direct skin contact with SCP-963-1, the mind of the subject is wiped, and that of Dr. Bright is projected from 963-1 onto the subject. It is known that memories native to Dr. Bright transfer from host to host.

If a subject maintains contact for thirty (30) days, their brain functions become a duplicate of the late Dr. Bright’s. If 963-1 is removed after this time period, the subject retains an independent copy of the consciousness of Jack Bright. Sanctions were put in place to prevent multiple instances of Dr. Bright from being created to prevent Dr. Bright from collaborating with himself, however it was found this was not necessary, as Doctor Bright has proven thoroughly dedicated to the Foundation and its cause.

Laughs For Your Weekend

 

Well, this was a nice photo to greet me on my Tumblr dash. The first shot of Misty Knight with her new Prosthetic arm. Now its not the golden one from the comic books (maybe we’ll see that one later?), but I can see these shows leading to another teamup called Daughters of the Dragon, which stars Misty and Colleen Wing, or even a version of Heroes for Hire.

I still don’t like the idea of a relationship between Danny Rand and Misty, which is what happened in the comic books, but these shows have been changed enough from canon, that that may never come to pass onscreen (and the two of them are no longer together in the comic books, as of a couple years ago.)

This is a scene from season two of Luke Cage, which I’m really looking forward to. It’s unclear if Misty is still a detective, but she’s still hanging with the heroes. I do still  prefer her bouffant from The Defenders, though.

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*Like we need drugged up dolphins. They’re bad enough sober…

did u kno dolphins puff puff pass:

 

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You have to read the entire thread this came from. I can guarantee, after you read it, you will never again watch this video without thinking about it. NSFW!!! This whole damn thread, including the comments will have you crying at your job.

The Brrrrddott part had me in tears!

 

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*Welp!

Hey people who know astrology shit. I’ve been having a lot of feelings lately. Any planets I can blame that on.

 

 

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*I think this pretty much sums up the entirety of this blog!

reblogged from

me: man i love this series
me: here’s a 40-page annotated essay on everything i hate about it. every misstep i believe the creators have ever made, complete with citations and a signed drawing of me punching the installment i hate the most in the face
me: still love it tho

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*This squirrel discourse is truly what Tumblr is all about!

 

like u ever seen some squirrels fightin in a tree and then one of them will chase the other out of it and keep the fight going in another tree like damn b you won YOU WON MY NIGGA CHILL

 

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*Shit, I would smack Taylor Swift, Kim Kardashian, and Kendall Jenner,  for just 8 dollars, 35 cents, and the entertainment factor…

Plenty of others seem to agree.

I would do it for free tbh

*I would pay $5 to slap the shit out of her

 

I’d smack her for a hershey cookies n cream bar

 

I’d slap her for free and collect the money regardless tbh

 

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*This man is speaking my life…

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*I love Black people…!

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*This post would not be complete without some Iron Fist/Danny Rand shade…

allmisfittoyswelcomehere asked:

Danny rand is a Chihuahua: 50% unnecessary anger and 50% shaking

 

*I miss SNL, sometimes. This had me laughing so hard, I needed some aspirin…

 

“Do I get stress headaches at work? Yes, definitely. From the moment I get in, it’s “Denise we need this! Denise we need that!” Which is stressful… ‘cause my name is Linda. Denise is the other black woman that works here.

By 10am, someone in the copy room makes a joke about Kobe Bryant, and everyone looks at me to make sure it’s ok. And I smile like it’s ok. But really, my head and neck are starting to throb.

Then I spend the rest of my afternoon training my interns, and answering their questions, like, “Yes, black people use shampoo”, and, “No, I don’t know any good reggae clubs around here”, and, “Yes, Condoleezza Rice is very articulate, why do you sound so surprised?” And, “No, I can’t tell you where to buy weed!” And that’s when I reach for Excedrin.”

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*Okay, I also propose we just start doing this to every White person that does this thing…

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*Yeah, I asked myself these questions, too. Who gon’ turn down Malala, The Nobel Peace Prize winning teenager?

Okay of course I’m happy that Malala got accepted to Oxford, but I really want to know more!

What did she write for her personal essay- “Just google me bitches”?

Did she have to do an interview and if so did she just plonk her nobel peace prize down on the table?

Did her student counselor advise her to apply to other crappier places just in case she wasn’t accepted?

Was there anyone who actually turned down freaking Malala Yousafzai, I need to know!!

 

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*Here, have some funny photos. Feel free to caption any or all of them

 

 

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