Completely Harmless SCPs

Not everything that is contained by the SCP is dangerous, evil, or inadvertently trying to take over, or destroy the world! Some things are just anomalous, and/or weird, and completely, utterly harmless. And yet, whatever it is cannot be allowed to simply exist in public because, due to its appearance, it would still freak people out, no matter how beneficial the object might be.

SCP 999 The Tickle Monster

Of all the SCPs the Tickle Monster is probably the sweetest and cutest monster in the organization. It’s a small, bright yellow blob of protoplasm that loves to interact with people, and especially likes candy, and being tickled. It’s sort of like a yellow, squishy, puppy. The Tickle Monster doesn’t really need to be contained and has the complete run of the facility. It’s a direct output of the SCP’s efforts to thwart the emergence of the Scarlet King, having been birthed by one of the seven brides who were cursed to give birth to demons as a sign of Scarlet’s return.

The Tickle Monster is a Thaumiel class SCP. It has the special ability to make anyone who interacts with it happier, and the SCP uses it to boost morale among the employees at its containment facility. It is also speculated that there is a special purpose for its existence, as it’s meant to save the world from The Scarlet King himself.

SCP 131 The Eyepods

Totally harmless, these two brave and friendly SCPs are the absolute best things bout working at their facility. The Eyepods are sort of like BB8’s from Star Wars, but with two giant blue eyeballs in their teardrop-shaped bodies, where faces would normally be. SCP 131-A which has an orange body, and 131-B, which has a bright yellow body are allowed to freely roam about Site 19, although too much contact between them and site personnel isn’t encouraged because they have a tendency to form attachments to specific people, which can impede that person’s ability to do their work.

They’re about as smart as housecats, don’t eat, sleep, or poop, and love to get into things because they’re deeply nosy. They are also very protective of people they get attached to, attempting to warn them away from Keter and Euclid class objects in the facility. Since they are incapable of blinking they can be tremendously helpful when it comes to corralling SCP 173. They’re not allowed to leave the facility, or go into classified areas, but their whereabouts are monitored hourly, which is necessary because, due to curiosity, and their ability to roll up sheer surfaces, they have occasionally had to be rescued from the air vents.

SCP 085 2D Cassy

Cassy is a little more melancholy tale, but she really is completely harmless. She is an entirely 2-dimensional being that is sentient and knows that she is two-dimensional. Cassy was created by accident, with the interaction between two different SCPs, but attempts to recreate her effect (sometimes this is done in order to create a companion for her) have been fruitless. As a result, Cassie is very lonely and likes to interact with people whenever she can, but she can never be allowed to leave containment.

Anything that is drawn on Cassie’s paper, or on paper, paintings, illustrations, or watercolors that are placed next to her own, she can animate and use. She can drink beverages you draw for her and wear any illustrated clothing. For example, if you draw a picture of a car, or put her near a drawing of one, she can transfer herself to that piece of paper and use it, but drawing other people doesn’t seem to work. She can also transfer herself to nearby oil paintings and comic books, basically any other hand-drawn piece of paper. She will then take on the appearance of whatever two-dimensional plane she just entered. If it’s an oil painting in a certain style, for example, that’s how she will appear on the page, orienting herself to fit the images on the paper. She cannot, however, transfer herself to photographs, cardboard, or parchment though.

SCP 5031 Alien Cook

Actually, the title of this one was called Just Another Murder Monster, and I found this story to be a lot of fun. This is a creature that was murderous and enraged when he first encountered humans, but over time his handlers taught him to rein in some of his hostility and began to provide less violent outlets for his energy. This resulted in his interest in cooking, where he discovered that he had a real talent, and has since become a top chef in the facility in which he is kept. He loves nothing more than whipping up exotic and complicated, tasty meals, and entertaining the workers at the facility.

This entire affair is complicated by the fact that he cannot be seen. He is completely invisible when you look at him. He is definitely a corporeal being and can manipulate matter around him. He simply can’t be seen by cameras, human eyes, or any other method of perception, so sitting in a room while an invisible monster makes incredibly delicious food for you has gotta be just a little bit weird.

SCP 458 The Pizza Box

It’s really just an anomalous pizza box filled with unending pizza of the opener’s choice. You close the box, say what type of pizza is wanted, and when you open the box, Voila!, you have the pizza that you asked for. The box is currently sitting in the breakroom of its containment facility, being enjoyed by all the employees.

That’s it really. It doesn’t produce horror pizzas or talk or anything, just makes a delicious pizza.

SCP 529 Josie The Half Cat

Yeah, there’s nothing at all horrifying about Josie. She’s basically your standard kitty, but she only has half a body. She runs around, plays, and eats like a normal cat as if her back half were present. No, it’s not invisible. It’s completely intangible. No, she’s not secretly a monster or anything, and just acts like a cat.

SCP 2952 The Long Good Boy

This SCP has to be one of the weirdest, cutest SCP’ in existence! It’s a seemingly small Welsh Pembroke Corgi whose body is actually thousands of miles long, with his head and upper body above ground in one country (the U.S.), his lower body emerging from underground in a different country (Japan), and various parts of the body showing aboveground in both urban and rural areas. Scratch his head and the other end reacts immediately.

The reason why he’s so long…he’s actually an underground fairy transportation system! Along his side are lots of little circular ports which turn out to be windows, and doorways to get on board. A human can enter by simply touching one of the portals which will shrink them to the appropriate size. Inside the little doggie are tiny people commuting to and from gob only knows where and an interior crafted from naturally occurring items like plants and trees! It is recommended that SCP personnel play with and pet the head because that is beneficial for the pupper’s morale.

The SCP made the mistake once of cutting off access to the tiny portals by covering the dog up at various locations and found themselves on the receiving end of some mafia-style tactics from a kind of fairy construction union, involving kidnappings, giant moles, Hawthorne berries, and the creative use of poison ivy.

The story is hilariously wild and everyone should probably go read up on it on the Wiki.

SCP 1230 I Am The Hero

This is probably one of the most wholesome SCPs out there. It’s an Gandalf-looking entity that has taken it upon itself to grant dreams to those who request them. The entity lives inside a special book, which bestows fantasy dreams on anyone who reads it. These dreams are based on a person’s deepest desires, but are not without the occasional issue, because someone with negative desires (like suicide) will find that dream granted to them when they sleep. The entity is an affable caring person who says he enjoys crafting fantasy worlds for dreamers and seems genuinely sad when the dream ends. He just wants people to be happy.

After reading a story in the book, the person goes to bed like normal but will have the most amazing and realistic dream where they are a heroic figure in a drama that is carefully crafted to fit their personality. The dreams seem to be as real as the waking world and the person will wake up feeling happy and refreshed. The book only works on beings with an imagination who are capable of having dreams

SCP 348 Comforting Soup Bowl

This SCP is also pretty wholesome and completely harmless. It’s a small white ceramic bowl, with blue decorations in it, that simply makes soup. Whenever anyone with a minor ailment, injury, or sadness gets near it, it will fill up with their favorite soup. If the person eats the soup (especially children) they will claim that the soup (no matter the flavor) made them feel better, or that it reminded them of the cooking of someone they loved. Sometimes, depending on their circumstances there will be a soothing parental message at the bottom of the bowl like, “Don’t forget to brush.” or, “I’m glad you’re happy.”, or “I love you.”

Next up in SCP posts: Inside the hierarchy of the SCP, and a list of rival organizations of interest!

Laughs For Your Weekend

 

Well, this was a nice photo to greet me on my Tumblr dash. The first shot of Misty Knight with her new Prosthetic arm. Now its not the golden one from the comic books (maybe we’ll see that one later?), but I can see these shows leading to another teamup called Daughters of the Dragon, which stars Misty and Colleen Wing, or even a version of Heroes for Hire.

I still don’t like the idea of a relationship between Danny Rand and Misty, which is what happened in the comic books, but these shows have been changed enough from canon, that that may never come to pass onscreen (and the two of them are no longer together in the comic books, as of a couple years ago.)

This is a scene from season two of Luke Cage, which I’m really looking forward to. It’s unclear if Misty is still a detective, but she’s still hanging with the heroes. I do still  prefer her bouffant from The Defenders, though.

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*Like we need drugged up dolphins. They’re bad enough sober…

did u kno dolphins puff puff pass:

 

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You have to read the entire thread this came from. I can guarantee, after you read it, you will never again watch this video without thinking about it. NSFW!!! This whole damn thread, including the comments will have you crying at your job.

The Brrrrddott part had me in tears!

 

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*Welp!

Hey people who know astrology shit. I’ve been having a lot of feelings lately. Any planets I can blame that on.

 

 

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*I think this pretty much sums up the entirety of this blog!

reblogged from

me: man i love this series
me: here’s a 40-page annotated essay on everything i hate about it. every misstep i believe the creators have ever made, complete with citations and a signed drawing of me punching the installment i hate the most in the face
me: still love it tho

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*This squirrel discourse is truly what Tumblr is all about!

 

like u ever seen some squirrels fightin in a tree and then one of them will chase the other out of it and keep the fight going in another tree like damn b you won YOU WON MY NIGGA CHILL

 

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*Shit, I would smack Taylor Swift, Kim Kardashian, and Kendall Jenner,  for just 8 dollars, 35 cents, and the entertainment factor…

Plenty of others seem to agree.

I would do it for free tbh

*I would pay $5 to slap the shit out of her

 

I’d smack her for a hershey cookies n cream bar

 

I’d slap her for free and collect the money regardless tbh

 

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*This man is speaking my life…

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*I love Black people…!

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*This post would not be complete without some Iron Fist/Danny Rand shade…

allmisfittoyswelcomehere asked:

Danny rand is a Chihuahua: 50% unnecessary anger and 50% shaking

 

*I miss SNL, sometimes. This had me laughing so hard, I needed some aspirin…

 

“Do I get stress headaches at work? Yes, definitely. From the moment I get in, it’s “Denise we need this! Denise we need that!” Which is stressful… ‘cause my name is Linda. Denise is the other black woman that works here.

By 10am, someone in the copy room makes a joke about Kobe Bryant, and everyone looks at me to make sure it’s ok. And I smile like it’s ok. But really, my head and neck are starting to throb.

Then I spend the rest of my afternoon training my interns, and answering their questions, like, “Yes, black people use shampoo”, and, “No, I don’t know any good reggae clubs around here”, and, “Yes, Condoleezza Rice is very articulate, why do you sound so surprised?” And, “No, I can’t tell you where to buy weed!” And that’s when I reach for Excedrin.”

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*Okay, I also propose we just start doing this to every White person that does this thing…

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*Yeah, I asked myself these questions, too. Who gon’ turn down Malala, The Nobel Peace Prize winning teenager?

Okay of course I’m happy that Malala got accepted to Oxford, but I really want to know more!

What did she write for her personal essay- “Just google me bitches”?

Did she have to do an interview and if so did she just plonk her nobel peace prize down on the table?

Did her student counselor advise her to apply to other crappier places just in case she wasn’t accepted?

Was there anyone who actually turned down freaking Malala Yousafzai, I need to know!!

 

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*Here, have some funny photos. Feel free to caption any or all of them

 

 

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Tumblr Humor # 168

Here’s some good laughs for today, fresh from Tumblr and Medium.

I find the idea of Toast Jail inordinately funny!

teaforyourginaa: “ dynastylnoire: “ sounddesignerjeans: “ strangelypensieve: “ trouserweasel: “ trouserweasel: “ LOOK THEY ACTUALLY DO HAVE TOASTERS WITH LITTLE WINDOWS SO YOU CAN WATCH YOUR FOOD GET TOASTED ” it looks like toast jail ” They’ve been...

trouserweasel:

LOOK THEY ACTUALLY DO HAVE TOASTERS WITH LITTLE WINDOWS SO YOU CAN WATCH YOUR FOOD GET TOASTED

it looks like toast jail

They’ve been taken into crustody…

bad and naughty slices

are put in the

These are their stories

CHNG CHNG

Source: trouserweasel
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OMG! Asian Americans are draggin’ Matt Damon on Twitter, because of his new movie, The Great Wall, and I am loving it. Personally I blame Constance Wu for being a good influence. Don’t get me wrong, I like Matt Damon okay, I just ain’t particularly interested in seeing Bourne Goes to China.
I knew Asian people had this level of snark in them! I just knew it! I’m so proud.
“We have to stop perpetuating the racist myth that only a white man can save the world. It’s not an actual fact,” Constance Wu wrote in a tweet criticizing the film back in July. “It’s not about blaming individuals. Rather, it’s about pointing out the repeatedly implied racist notion that white people are superior to POC and that POC need salvation from our own color via white strength. When you consistently make movies like this, you ARE saying that. YOU ARE.”
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I am totally here for TTI, or Tiny Turtle Investigator.

the-omniscient-narrator: “ mxcleod: “ octemberfirst: “ abqandnotu: “ merosse: “ TINY TURTLE INVESTIGATORS: THE CASE OF THE LARGE STRAWBERRY ” GOOD MORNING EVERYONE ” “HAVE YOU TRIED BALANCING ON IT” “YES OF COURSE I TRIED BALANCING ON IT JENKINS THIS...

merosse:

TINY TURTLE INVESTIGATORS: THE CASE OF THE LARGE STRAWBERRY

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE

“HAVE YOU TRIED BALANCING ON IT, SIR?”
“YES OF COURSE I TRIED BALANCING ON IT JENKINS THIS IS NOT MY FIRST DAY AS A TINY TURTLE INVESTIGATOR”

THIS IS THE STUFF THAT TUMBLR NEEDS MORE OF

@tinyfierceandsassy quality turtle content!

(Source: animalkingd0m, via frominthemirror)

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 This is my aesthetic as regards the willfully stupid.
introvertunites: “ If you’re an introvert, follow @introvertunites. ”

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I should not have laughed as hard as I did at this image.

srsfunny: “ Oh Frank, You’re Alive ”

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Uhmm, actually the idea that there might be a mobster under the bed, is still pretty frightening.

writing-prompt-s:

You realize you’ve misheard your daughter. There’s actually a mobster under her bed.

BADA BING BADA BOOM

I’M SLEEPIN HERE

(Turns on nightlight)

Voice from Under Bed: Eeeyyyyyyy pally what’s da big idea

(Parent looking around room) Voice from under bed: “Fuggedabout it”

“You didn’t see nothin’“

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There are people on the internet doing the Lord’s work of counting Tom Hardy’s grunts per film, so you dont have to.

Enjoy!

Goodbye Productivity: The Tom Hardy Grunt Counter is Here to Take Over Your Day

All the nonverbal utterances — so far — from ‘Taboo’ in one supercut.

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Caption these photos!

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