Black Thanksgiving Rules

I’m not a huge celebrator of Thanksgiving, but I wanted to put this article here as a PSA for those of you who take it seriously. I don’t give a lot of weight to this holiday, because I appreciate my life every day, but apparently, some people need reminding, and they also need rules for how to behave during it.

I plan to spend this holiday at my little sister’s house, eating the staple holiday foods, and wrangling  with her three kids, as any good auntie would. I take my auntie duties very seriously, and that includes teaching them stuff they’re probably not supposed to learn, and being too permissive.

This article covers everything from plate fixing order, to proper topics of conversation, and the responses, to who gets what leftovers, and what food should have been served in  the first place.

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The 2019 Rules and Revisions For Black Thanksgiving

*Macaroni & Cheese: Aside from the above rules, there must also be someone present to regulate the size of macaroni scoops so you won’t run out of the “good” macaroni. Mac & cheese should be served in descending order from best to worst because anyone who is late doesn’t deserve top-level, auntie macaroni.

*Late people: If you miss the pre-meal prayer, you’re late.

*People who didn’t bring anything: You don’t get to eat until everyone has fixed their plate.

This is one of the biggest sources of conflict at black gatherings. For the 122nd year in a row, we want to reiterate that no plate can be fixed until everyone has eaten seconds, at which time, main menu items are up for grabs. However, when it comes to desserts, you are only allowed to take one piece of pie, which can only be fixed no more than five minutes before your departure.

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Go forth, my brothers and sisters, and holiday correctly!