*A common question that straight people like to ask gay people is, when they found out they were gay, or how did they find out. I love all these snarky, horrible, answers to such an intrusive question. After all, the opposite, when did you find out when you were straight, is apparently not considered a legitimate question. I highlighted my personal favorites.
How are you lgbt?
I sent an application in and got accepted
I got in through one of those recruitment drives they keep holding
I collected the box tops and turned them in. Just paid separate shipping and handling.
I forgot to uncheck a box when I was installing something.
i found a rainbow ticket inside a chocolate bar
A bird flew up and handed me a letter.
I was the one billionth customer.
went into a home depot on Pride weekend and it was a door prize
like, weird, but okay
I forgot to install an adblocker and got a pop up on a website that congratulated me on being LGBT
I successfully forwarded a chain e-mail to ten LGBTQIA+ friends in the allotted amount of time.
It was hidden in the extra fees on my phone plan.
Scratch off tickets
Kinda got stuck on my cable bill one month
It’s one of the benefits included in salary packaging
Honestly it just followed me home? It’s not like I fed it or anything it just showed up and never left.
Found it tucked into the back of a library book.
weird contaminants in the stream, that one campout.
It was in the sauce at the Bunnings sausage sizzle. Or maybe the onion.
I downloaded the app.
i deleted the (different) app. best mistake i ever made. 😀
I woke up one morning to find the queerfairy had visited.
A friend gave it to me as a “happy divorce” present.
Melissa Etheridge gave me a toaster.
God sent an angel and the glory of the Lord was upon me.
One of those really fancy Christmas crackers. All my sister got was a wine charm, hah.
Look, the landlord left a lot of random crap here when we moved in that he doesn’t want and that really aren’t household essentials, and the stuff I liked I’m keeping, OK?
Found mine in one of those prize packets in a box of Fruit Loops.
Tried being straight but it gave me indigestion so I decided what the hell, I’ll give bi a try.
*This is one of those story prompts that makes your imagination run wild. I loved this. What happens if you give the demons more elaborate lunches? Do you get more and better stuff?
While putting your favorite condiment on a sandwich, you accidentally make a magical occult symbol and summon a demon.
You silently take two more slices of bread out of the package and make another sandwich. You put it on a plate with a handful of potato chips and hand it to the demon. He takes the sandwich, smiles and vanishes in a puff of demonic smoke. The next day you get that job promotion you were after. There was no contract. No words spoken. You owe nothing. But every now and then, another demon pops in for lunch. Demons don’t often get homemade sandwiches.
I do really hate that Captain Peanut commercial. I;m not entirely sure why but I think its the idea of a peanut wearing a monocle. I’m always reminded of The Rockefellers. Uhm, yeah…how are his pants legs being held up?
*I’m always here for Superman headcanons. Here we have Slacker Superman-Batman Slash!
Okay but hear me out…what if Clark Kent and Superman WEREN’T the same person?
What if they were twins, separated at birth. And Clark was the twin sent to Earth to survive Krypton’s destruction, found in a cornfield, raised by Ma and Pa Kent who went on to grow up, go to Metropolis, become a reporter.
And Superman was the twin sent to idk, some other alien planet to survive Krypton’s destruction, raised in a non Earth like environment or culture, who grew up to journey to Earth in search of his twin, the only family he had left in the universe, goes to Metropolis, becomes a superhero. Look, he needed something to do besides search the entire planet for his twin with superspeed, that could take all week.
I’m not entirely sure what happens next or how the initial meeting between them goes, but the point of all this is, skip to the part where his twin has nowhere else to live but some crystal castle at the North Pole. Leading farmboy raised Clark Kent to do the polite thing and invite his sibling from another star system to stay with him. Cut to Clark’s superhero twin slumming it at his place, crashing on his couch for way longer than Clark expected, and when he casually ‘suggests’ Superman get out of the house more, see what the world has to offer, like, you know….employment opportunities, Superman doesn’t get why its a problem to wear Clark’s clothes and Clark’s glasses and walk around town calling himself Clark and causing all sorts of confusion thanks to his wildly different life experiences and values.
And then, AND THEN, it gets worse, see, because of course Superman had to go and join Earth’s superhero club, the Justice League, and he still doesn’t even have his own phone so he just gives them Clark’s number for when they want to get in touch with him. So Clark’s got Green Lantern calling him at 3 am to track down Superman, and half the League is under the impression he and his brother are actually the same person and so just give him these amused, patronizing little smirks when they run into him every time Lex Luthor tries to destroy the Daily Planet and he has to explain to Flash yet again that NO SERIOUSLY, I AM NOT SUPERMAN, I AM JUST HIS TWIN BROTHER, I SWEAR.
And then one time Batman, the freaking Batman SHOWS UP AT HIS PLACE when Clark is in the shower, and after Clark’s done screaming, the Dark Knight simply hands him a towel and a flash drive and intones “Interesting. You both have the same birthmark, just in different places. Please give this to your brother, the fate of the world depends on it.”
Which begs the question, how does the Caped Crusader know what his brother’s birthmark looks like? He asks Superman, while the latter is hunched over a bowl of cereal (Clark’s cereal, he might add, since its not like Superman ever goes grocery shopping himself).
And Superman says “Oh, we’re – hmm. What’s the Earth word for enjoying the sexual behavior commonly associated with your ritual of dating, but without the emotional commitments usually expected to coincide?”
“Are you telling me that you and Batman are friends with benefits?”
Superman frowns. “No, that’s not it. I don’t think he even likes me, he just likes the sex.”
Well. That clears that up then. Clark excuses himself to go call his mom.