Funny Tumblr

Here’s some funny stuff that came across my dash:
Scaredy cats on Tumblr:
karnythia a-spoon-is-born

a-spoon-is-born:

prokopetz:

Trainability in cats is a funny thing.

My cats understand and will obey a number of verbal commands, one of which is “go away”. I don’t use it often, but if they’re bugging me and I’m trying to work or doing something that could be dangerous for cats, I can tell them to go away, and off they go – they’ll only keep pestering me if there’s a serious problem they need me to look at.

That said, their idea of a serious problem that requires my attention is somewhat eccentric. Previous instances have included:

  • There was an unfamiliar car parked across the street
  • Their water bowl was four inches to the left of its usual position
  • One of them had puked on the stairs and they didn’t want to walk past it
  • It was raining
  • One of them saw a weird bug

It’s fair to say that MY idea of a serious problem that needs my cats’ attention is similarly eccentric.

My cat would kill poisonous spiders that terrified me & look at me like I was an idiot. My cat was terrified by the sound of a lawn mower, leaf blower, weed whacker, snow blower, and loud horns. Also water that did not have an ice cube in it was an emergency.

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Why was this funny? I laughed waaay too hard at this shit! “How do I tell my parents I’m Black?”LOL!!! “Am I pregnant with babies?” “Am I being stalked by a bug?”

Ooookay!
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http://onsizzle.com/embed/i/i-cant-with-him-flood-emergency-tiger-bend-area-breaking-1992403<p><a href=”http://onsizzle.com/i/i-cant-with-him-flood-emergency-tiger-bend-area-breaking-1992403″>via SIZZLE</a></p>

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LOL!!!
blackantiheroine oiltipped

ml-j:

securesuggestions:

Someone thinks about you before they go to bed

the devil and how he’s gonna fuck up my day when he wakes up

Source: securesuggestions
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Okay, this one is probably hard to read but some yahoo came on Tumblr and tried to make the argument that being gay was unnatural and used the example of three islands populated by gay men, lesbians, and straight people, to prove their point. The response was hilarious!
karnythia counterftnoire

counterftnoire:

jhameia:

coronaofastar:

lynati:

lectorel:

hazel-the-space-ace:

sarsparillo:

thatwriterchickyouknow:

jezunya:

singoallala:

fieldbears:

hellisbucky:

fieldbears:

queercakes:

yeinns:

webelieveinyoukris:

Being gay is natural? Okay.

You have three islands. Divide them into groups of one. The straight island, the gay island, and the lesbian island. The straight island is going to reproduce and keep going strong for millions of generations to come. The gay and lesbian islands will both wipe out in not even one century. This isn’t just about religion or morals, it’s just simple common sense. Being gay is unnatural, and not just because God said so, but because you yourself wouldn’t even be born without a REAL natural man and woman. And no, there is no such thing as a lesbian bone marrow “thing” to have children. That’s a biased fact that came from a lesbian scientist who has false opinions. If it’s not a real penis or vagina, then it’s fucking false and you’re just opinionated by dumb facts. I’m done here. Read over what I said and if you still think that being gay is normal and natural, then I hope you achieve some common sense one day. Bye

Where is this gay island located.. asking for a friend

I just have SO MANY questions. Why were we all separated onto different islands? Did the government sanction this? If so, why? Why didn’t we revolt against this tyrannical government? Where are these islands? How were they chosen? Are the continents of the world abandoned? What kind of resources are on each island? Are they the same or different? Does each island have a right to form its own government or does the government that segregated us still rule? If so, what island do they rule from and how do they communicate with the other two islands? If they can communicate with the other two islands, can all three islands communicate with each other? If the straight people keep reproducing, won’t their island become overpopulated and their resources depleted? Islands only have so much space right? Do straight people stop having gay kids? Isn’t it a fact that, to date, straight people are the largest manufacturers of gay kids? If a gay kid is born on straight island, do they get sent to their appropriate island? Wouldn’t that aid in the re-population of gay and lesbian island? What about people who are attracted to more than one gender? Are they just lost at sea, floating aimlessly? Is the ocean full of listless pansexuals, floating nowhere? Or are they trapped in some sort of purgatory because they don’t fit on any one island? Are there trees on lesbian island? Is it conceivable that if there were, a large group of lesbians could build a boat? Have you ever seen lesbians around timber? If they built a boat, could they travel to gay island? How far apart are the islands? If they could travel to gay island, would they be able to collect semen, return to lesbian island, and repopulate the island? Would they be able to send some of those children to gay island? Do trans people exist in this world? If so, wouldn’t they be able to aid in repopulation? If the lesbians decided to declare war on the heterosexuals, would they be able to reach their island? On the way to heterosexual island, could the lesbians pick up the gays and scoop the floating bisexuals from the sea? If so, would they all be able to go and attack heterosexual island together, wiping out its people’s, stealing its children and taking all its resources? Does this fantasy world get you off at night? Please write back soon!

Speaking up from the pansexual archipelago: I too have these questions

Checking in from bisexual bay: The boats are nearly complete and are equipped with a special invisibility function. We attack at dawn

Fuck the questions, lemme on that boat, I’m coming with you

*random ace just floating away into the sky like a balloon*

I am so here for an asexual sky nation. We live in floating cities and master the wind currents. Newly minted ace youths are sent up to us in baskets suspended under hot air balloons. We breed giant birds to bear us through the skies, or else build ourselves wings and gliders to fly in their midst. The only land we know are the tallest mountain peaks and the world is a bright blue gem spreading out beneath us.

(And we will of course be providing air support for the impending attack on Straight Island)

OP’s nasty-ass post got turned into a goddamn sci-fi dystopian adventure and I’m so here for it.

oh my god Bisexual Buccaneers from Both-Ways Bay is both a porn tileand my new life goals

i’m an asexual homoromantic does this make me our young heroine torn between worlds

You spend part of your time on lesbian island, learning the stories, and traditions, and part of your time in the vast floating asexual cities, training with your eagle so that you can one day become one of the chosen few: the messengers, who carry letters and passengers between islands, jumping the heterosexual blockades. When you enter this select group, you’re assigned the job of collecting reports from spies pretending to heterosexual on straight island, flying in at the dead of night, risking discovery to collect vital intelligence. You fall in love with a pansexual girl who’s chosen to hide her orientation so she can aid the Resistance. At the climax of the novel, you swoop down from above on your giant eagle to rescue your lady love from a frenzied mob. As straight island burns in the background, you share a chaste kiss and cuddle while discussing the possibility of a mountain-top pansexual outpost.

IT CAME BACK AROUND AND IT GOT BETTER!

…would anyone mind if I actually wrote this?

Frankly, I would read an entire anthology of this.

And this is why I love tumblr.

Source: webelieveinyoukris
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*This argument perfectly articulates why I’m uncomfortable with Matt Damon starring in a Chinese action movie, and why its not okay for the Chinese film company bankrolling this movie, to do this. I’m a huge fan of Andy Lau, who is a huge name in China. Why couldn’t they make him an international star by putting him in the lead, instead of secondary to, of all people, Matt Damon?

No. Still not gonna see it.

Y’know why? Here’s the thing: just because the Chinese film industry is willing to pander to American racism to make money, that doesn’t mean I should be okay with that.  No one should be okay with that.  When “attempting to appeal to American audiences” = shoehorning in white people, do you realize what that’s saying? That Americans are white. That whiteness, and only whiteness, is American. I don’t want “to support Chinese people in movies;” I want to support Chinese people and every other group of PoC in broadening the roles they can play, all over the world.  These films don’t help that goal. This is a dick move. It says Chinese people can be in internationally successful films but only if they’re willing to accept second billing at best – never the lead. And the Chinese film industry doesn’t need to do this.  It’s huge, and thriving.  They just want more money, and they’re willing to sell out to American imperialism and shank the Chinese diaspora to get it.

I bet they’re even shanking their own. Are any of the Chinese actors earning as much as Damon? It’s nice that they’re the focus of the marketing in China, but are they on posters elsewhere in the world, or is Damon getting top billing there too?  Damon’s increasing his international cachet from this; is that happening for any of the Chinese actors, too?

And is this going to open any doors in American cinema for Chinese or Chinese-American lead actors? Outside of the Chinese film industry, Asian actors are systematically excluded from leading roles, and damn near any role that’s not a stereotype.  This doesn’t help.

American racism has been exported all over the globe for centuries and this is the result of it: China thinks it’s hunky dorey. It isn’t. We should not perpetuate that racism, for any reason.

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*OMG!!!The clapback on this had me rollin’!

Wow. A naked light skin girl with curly hair photographed by a man whose profession is photographer of naked light skin girls with curly hair. My eyes are so pleased by this image. So amazing. So innovative. Fresh. Creative. He is a photographer and not a pervert with a camera. This is art. Dope visuals.

Wow. A painting of a naked thin light skin girl in a head wrap with several ankhs on her body, painted by someone who’s profession is painting naked light skin girls with ankhs on them. I feel truly awake now and connected to my people. She make me feel beautiful. I am every woman. I am inspired to eat incense flavored kale. These pieces will change the black community as we know it. BLM.

This that racial self hate type post. You know that garbage shit
I actually enjoyed following ya 🙃
Shots taken at artists and photographers just expressing themselves & shots taken at light skinned girls smh

Wow. A man that loves light skin girls is unfollowing me. This is groundbreaking. It makes me reconsider my actions. I feel complete shame about my actions. The light skin girls are obviously suffering. What can I do help their plight? And who will protect all the artist that specialize in naked light skin girl art. Let’s start a go fund me. Put them on Ellen. They need support. Someone signal boost this

I def love all back women regardless of a skin tone family
I hope one day before you’re 40ish you’ll feel the same
God bless✌🏾

Wow. A man that loves all black women has mostly light skin girls on their blog. A man that loves all black women has POV porn of black women on his blog. He is intuned will all of us. He loves his blackness and mine. and yours and yours. All of us black women with our naked asses to the sun. The only way all black asses would be light enough for him to consider penetrating. Yes let us all put our naked asses in the sunlight for this black man.  Let this be our sacrifice.  Our atonement. Such self love. We must do this for black men and the naked light skin girls. Turn away from our wicked ways. God bless us all

😂

LMAO

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And this nickname for John Cho is absolutely precious!

Can we just take a long moment to appreciate John Cho providing more shade than a tree on a sunny day?

And how he takes every opportunity he can to talk about Hollywood racism and what it means to PoC, and specifically Asian and Asian-American folk, to see non-stereotyped representation of self onscreen?

I hope one day we can hear him speak (more) openly about the STID whitewashing.”  – Trollny-Stark

And then there’s this:

“I’m not J.J. Abrams, who’s ultimately responsible. I’m just his Asian puppet. Which, by the way, is also the title of my autobiography.”

John Cho is throwing so much shade he should be an eclipse. I read in the #John Cho Tumblr tag that someone called him a ‘Creature of Majestic Shade’ and nearly fell out of my chair laughing. Incoming John Cho ‘Deal with It’ gif with dropping sunglasses. Tumblr please oblige me.

Source:

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This is MadTV’s Yvonne Criddle. This is not supposed to be funny butits so over the top insane, and she is so unapologetic about being a murderer, that I just can’t stop laughing at her:

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2 thoughts on “Funny Tumblr

    1. Lol!
      I didn’t even catch that the first time I saw that skit, until she said she had to get it for the neighbor’s dog. There’s a bunch of these skits of her doing crazily over the top shit , because someone did something minor, like getting leaves in her yard.
      Another of my MadTV faves is Lorraine, and Leona Campbell.

      Liked by 1 person

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