Funny on Tumblr

This isn’t supposed to be as  funny as it is, but I laughed a good long time. It does call into question things about movies we almost never question and only on Tumblr can we find whimsical  “What ifs…?”  like these:

karnythia dynastylnoire

m4d-minute:

bemusedlybespectacled:

ohsoang:

audsbot:

jewishzevran:

grandenchanterfiona:

I want a high fantasy movie where everyone talks with Southern US accents instead of British ones.

The Dwarves though, they can get Minnesotan accents.

ok but picture this: elves with brooklyn accents

“Hey HEY I’m castin’ here, what’d’you – listen, my pop and I serve the Great Tree goin’ back six hundred fuckin’ years so if you got a problem with our fuckin’ magic you don’t fuckin’ come down here into our fuckin’ grove to gimme shit about it.

“Right? You don’t see me fuckin’ goin’ into your shitty man-stables and tellin’ you how to milk horses, do ya? So instead you come down here, disrespect me, disrespect my pa, and how ‘bout you stop fuckin’ disrespectin’ the Great Fuckin’ Tree that grew whens’t the world was young and carries all our fates ‘n its boughs, okay?

“I said, ‘okay?’

“Okay, now fuck off.”

I just came up from Orzammar, dontcha know, and brought that there jello salad and hotdish. Can you believe the snow we are having this time of year in Ferelden? I hear the roads are just terrible, uff da.

“You fools! This isn’t even my final form!”

“Aw, honey, bless yer heart. Yer tellin’ me that little thing there is yer final form? Why, it ain’t no bigger than that dragon we fought that time in Abracamden! You remember that, Harlan?”

“Mmhmm, I remember.”

@vikathegreat

Source: grandenchanterfiona
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Okay, some things you’re definitely meant to laugh at, even though they’re not exactly funny funny, but sad, smh,  funny:

karnythianethilia

australopithecusrex:

relax-o-vision:

dedalvs:

roachpatrol:

kateordie:

freezecooper:

Ppl be like “ I want an actual male gem, not just Steven.”

Jeez, it’s like having only one character

image

to represent your whole gender

image

in a group composed all of another gender

image

is a bit upsetting huh?

I wonder

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what

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that’s like

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no really

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can you

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even imagine

image

what this lack of representation

image

MUST

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FEEL

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LIKE

image

This

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post

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isn’t

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long

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enough

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none of the listed shows are named after the one female character, either

it’s actually physically impossible for me to not reblog this post.

Source: freezecooper
hannibalsbattlebot phoenix1294

imagineclaricestarling:

thesnadger:

majorabbey:

jewishzevran:

butlerbookbinding:

annathecrow:

annathecrow:

ardatli:

annathecrow:

butlerbookbinding:

aviculor:

toastedpopsicle:

lokiloo:

I hate hate HATE all those 2edgy 4me theories about kids shows. Like Angelica dreaming up the rugrats, or the ed, edd, and eddy children being ghosts, or literally anything that takes a lighthearted and fun kids show and has to turn it into some tragic take of rape or murder or misinformed mental illness.

So you know what? From now on I’m gonna do the exact opposite. Every cool grim-dark show is now because of a bunch of children. To get us started:

Game of Thrones: A middle-school DnD campaign with the most angry, vindictive DM who has promised to kill everyone’s player characters (and their family) by the end.

The Walking Dead: Some 13 year olds playing with nerf guns, but trying to be really serious about it because they’re all self conscious about playing with toys.

Breaking Bad: a teacher gave a kid some confiscated rock candy and now they’re fantasizing about his personal life.

*blesses you all for this*

Supernatural: a couple tween goth girls RPing with their OCs

Orphan Black: A girl has way too many identical barbie dolls, and makes them over instead.

Firefly: group of white suburbia kids can’t agree whether they want to play cowboys, Star Trek, pirates, or ninjas.

Blade: revenge fantasy of a tiny angry black girl shunned by a group of Twilight fangirls.

IT GOT BETTER.

warehouse 13: two kids dream up stories behind weird stuff in an antique shop

American Horror Story: a group of kids make up their own horror stories after their parents decide they’re too young to watch scary movies on TV.

NBC’s Hannibal: A snarky vegan teenager writes a series of short stories for her creative writing class about the evils of eating meat (Freddie Lounds is her self-insert, which is why she avoids eating human flesh by being a vegetarian.)

Harrisverse: children living in a small conservative American town pass rumors and stories among each other about the ‘creepy’ older foreign man who recently moved in, and who always serves weird dishes at neighborhood barques and has the best decorations on Halloween.

Source: lokiloo
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Only on Tumblr can we have those important discussions about Penis Bras, that is so desperately needed, in this world:
sleepynegress poeticallybrown

poeticallybrown:

violetscythe:

cosmic-noir:

sadiene:

mentalgrunge:

daftpunk-delorean:

dangerouslyasexual:

naamahdarling:

microbewrangler:

princess-fluffybutt:

sassyhiddles:

grimdarkcarnival:

missingdinosaur:

methroid:

do actors get boners while making sex scenes this is one of the things i’ve wondered my whole life

Idk if you actually care for the answer, but they have to put their dicks in little sleeves that attach to the leg so if they get a boner it just get held down.

that sounds like a garment that should be sold everywhere and considered polite if not mandatory to wear, like bras

Omg I can’t

As a guy I second this.

If I have to wear a titty sling because there might be an event where it becomes chilly and my nip noops become visible through my shirt, people who have a peenor should be expected to wear a peenor sling in case there is an event where a gentle breeze occurs and their peenor becomes erect.

I kind of feel like if we’re gonna do that we should go all-out and they should be IMPOSSIBLE to size, VERY expensive, flimsy, and made of uncomfortable, itchy materials.

And the little ones should have cute designs but the big ones only come in white,black, and tan

and there should be a company that sells them called Victor’s Secret, that has uncomfortably large, close-up photos of enormously-endowed male “angels” stuffed into their gorgeous little pouches spread all over every mall and TV channel, which changes societal expectations on penis size as a whole, so that men who don’t have incredibly large penises feel impossibly inadequate and feel compelled to make up for it by spending a fortune on overpriced penis pouches as a way of compensating.

Then Victor’s Secret should be sure not to actually carry any of these garments in the sizes that they advertise, so that only modestly-endowed men have the privilege of being seen in the shop, which is the type of place that simultaneously clamors for huge dicks, but refuses to cater to them in any way, leaving everyone involved vaguely uncomfortable and slightly ashamed.

This is legit one of the best posts I’ve ever found on tumblr.

VICTOR’S SECRET

PEENOR

Omg-I can’t!

Nip noops

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This too can be filed under things I had no clue about, with the addendum, that I probably should have:
karnythia sourcedumal
heiru:

nancydrewofficial:

haveyoubeentobahia:

fire-blast-pegasus:

pyxis-nautica:

stonecoldstunning:

I NEVER KNEW THE REASON THE NEPHEWS WERE LEFT WITH SCROOGE WAS BECAUSE DONALD HAD TO LITERALLY GO OFF WITH THE NAVY LIKE

I THOUGHT THE SAILOR GET UP WAS FOR SHOW IT DIDN’T OCCUR TO ME THAT DONALD WAS WITH THE US ARMED FORCES

#thank you donald for keeping our country safe

He also fought in the war, hence is short temper. No joke, Disney confirmed this in a fucking comic of Donald sleep walking then being woke up by firecrackers which he believes is mines in a mine field. No joke.

The US government promoted donald duck to the rank of sergeant and gave him an honorable discharge from the military in 1984 in honor of his (animated propaganda) participation in WWII

my history of animation professor told us that he had to fill out special forms to look at and recieve donald duck’s us military history, at which point he mentioned how he had to take a step back from his life and question all of his choices

The fuck.

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And finally, another salvo in the Obamapocalypse:
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